A post which might shake some of you out of your funk. Disclaimer: I’m not saying your heartbreak is something to be diminished. Anxiety is certainly not something to mock. However you need to open your eyes and see the bigger picture.

I have survived far worse, I’m not here to share that story. Your woes are not any less either but I’m here to inspire you to come out of this as better humans, with more appreciation for the sanctity of life.

You are gifted a life, this pandemic should awaken your soul, we are all in the same boat. The least we can do is inwardly assess our contribution to the world. What kind of humans are we? Who do we associate with? Is it people who make positive strides in life or suck our energy.

Look at yourselves, really introspect deeply, some of you claim to be empaths. If you can’t help others at this time in some way because you feel overwhelmed then help yourselves at least.

If we overcome this pandemic and get through to the other side, then do you want to be the exact same person?
Will you have learnt anything at all or simply just survived and return back to your woes about being heartbroken? Will you continue to live half a life because of old wounds or are you going to wake up and reinvent yourself to be a better human and inspire the future generations by showing grit and determination to overcome and accept what life throws at you and excel.

Your mind is a weapon. Exploit it correctly. Inspire progression, to be ruminating over an ex lover at this time is stupidity. A virus in itself. You are infecting and destroying your own happiness. So continue along this overthinking path and not learn anything from this pandemic . Or you can wake up and see the bigger picture; you are breathing, you are alive (someone is gasping for their last breath all alone without their loved ones) you have an opportunity to LIVE. If there ever was an opportunity for new beginnings and finding purpose to be happy it’s now. If you can’t see the happiness you have or my words don’t resonate with you to make yourself come out of this a better version, then all I can say is I really pity you.

Wallowing in self pity will not serve you well. Self pity reinforces the belief that you are not in control. You are in FULL control of your happiness. Don’t just complain about your situation which you keep putting yourself in. Make different choices.

Remain safe, remain focused and Peace out! It will be interesting to see how much impact my words had. This is not me being cruel, it’s a dose of reality which is needed for many of you I’m afraid.

Hello Michelle,

I went on a few different forum topics to give a few threads, some enlightenment. Mainly the ones that seem to be stuck in a rut.

It’s not my intention to cause offence. Few might go on the defense. Given the circumstances of the world right now, for many on this thread it is time for a PUSH. I agree one or two cases which are fairly recent need sympathy but even them cases can benefit from seeing the bigger picture and stop the downward spiral you described.

I couldn’t agree more there is a need for balance between sympathy and dose of harsh reality. Too much sympathy makes our “victim” thoughts feel validated. It makes us repeat the same mistakes. Too less sympathy makes us feel alone and these feeds our insecurities and negative thoughts.

This is a post based on the perspective of the WORLD SITUATION. It is an opportunity like I said to really come out as better people. Those who are self aware and willing to see beyond the superficial layers of this situation will grasp how now is the time to change. Those who don’t will simply go back to their old ways having learnt nothing. With no new sense of appreciation or understanding of the lessons this pandemic is meant to teach us about every single aspect of life.

The situations we find ourselves in requires accepting responsibility. It requires drawing a line and making better choices and decisions.

People always find themselves in situations as a result of their own ACTIONS. We form the wrong type of addictions. If an ex was abusive or an ex doesn’t want you – instead of accepting and removing oneself from the situation , we crawl back again towards the fire then wonder why we are unhappy, hurt or burnt again?

Become addicted to making the world a better place, helping others. Become addicted to positive mentality. Become addicted to surrounding yourself with better people, making wiser CHOICES!

Take this virus we all face as an analogy.
You are taking precautions. Making sacrifices (not seeing your families etc, losing money etc) but you continue to stay inside despite your desperate desire to have freedom because you know it is for the greater good.

This is how your mind should be rewired to think about life itself. So you learn to accept that shit happens, some things in life are not good for you. You fight it by not indulging in a negative train of thought. That’s protection from desire.

Going through the same thoughts or ruminating on a situation which can not be changed or is no good for us is also parasitic in nature. You will continue to infect and spread it throughout your mind. What have you achieved – loss of life.

I’m trying to encourage an awakening in people’s soul and minds. They spend years in therapy. Years mourning. Years wasting their life on negative energy. Not really moving. Just stationary. If this pandemic doesn’t alter their line of thought then I doubt anything will. They will spend their lives continually falling into the same habits, patterns and waste life. If the daily death we are seeing in front of our very own eyes doesn’t make you want to enjoy life going forward as a better, wiser human being. Then sadly this pandemic will have taught you nothing. Is the way you exist today the way a gift as precious as life, should be treated?

Hi all

@genie Thanks so much for your continued support! You always make me feel good, even when I don’t particularly feel like I’m making progress. Download an app called Netflix Party on your PC and you can tune in to Netflix at the same time and chat, though my sister and I have been doing it over video call the last few nights which works as well. Happy romcom watching!

@michelle Solid advice as usual, thanks. Yes time is often the enemy of my anxious brain, but I know that distraction is only a band aid really so being forced to sit with these thoughts and work through them isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just feels uncomfortable. A few months ago I would have tried to deal with it by seeking a response from my ex but as I’ve learned that just drives further anxiety. And I now value myself enough not to put myself through that. Glad to hear that you are back in the UK and finding things okay!

@Shelbyville Waiting for a test result must be really anxiety-inducing! Glad to know I’m not the only one having an annoying amount of thoughts about my ex at this time. You’re right not to berate yourself over it and be gentle with yourself. Love the image of the inflatable raft you are trying to build in your mind. I agree, just have to focus on getting through day by day and exercising gratitude where we can while taking care not to get sucked into the hysteria of the news.

@Kkkasxo nice to hear from you! Glad you are surviving despite all the challenges of quarantine. You’re right, freedom and being reunited with our loved ones will feel so sweet when this is all over.

@Doseofreality I know what you’re trying to do and appreciate the intention but personally your approach has little effect on me. I’m self aware to know that it’s because a lot of my thoughts and ways I react to things are driven by a sense of shame, so someone else shaming me doesn’t have the motivational effect you’re hoping it does. Personally I am my own biggest critic so there’s nothing anyone else could say that I haven’t told myself. Not being self pitying, just honest. Clearly helpful for some people though, as Sammy has articulated above. Like Michelle says it’s all a balance.

Not really much to report from me. Just trying to navigate this strange reality we are in. I lived through some significant earthquakes 9-10 years ago and it feels somewhat easier than that in at least having power and water in the proceeding and not having to worry about further damage caused by  aftershocks, but on the other hand the global nature and ultimate invisibility of it all makes it hard I think. Interestingly my anxiety levels are lower than they are when everything in my life is actually fine which if I think about it is messed up, but on another level makes sense. I felt a lot more anxious when I first got into a relationship, for example, even when it was bringing a lot of joy and excitement  and I know it’s because I’m afraid of being abandoned/alone more than anything else. Anyway, like others have said, just recognising that everyone has different responses and ways of dealing with the stress of this time and supporting each other will get us through! Take care all. x

Sammy, again if you felt ashamed by my words I apologise. However I’m glad you recognised ending your life os not the way forward as you have the power to change it. That is what you should work on. Change the negative virus that infects your mind – all those negative thoughts which make you feel unworthy and have a positive attitude to believing by making wiser choices and decisions you will create a better version of life for yourself. Again have gratitude for what you have- focus your thoughts on that. This will have a ripple effect on your anxiety and life thus you will make more conscious well thought life choices.

Adelaide, it is not a blanket approach nor do I wish force it upon anyone. We are all adults and have a choice. I’m giving a different perspective.

I have faced severe trauma in life so am well aware of complexities one can face and how some people suffer more than others. I am assuming you have some pre existing condition or ailment thus your life is not valued or put first, you would not be chosen to be saved over others- I am in the exact same position. Your main focus is to survive. Rightly it should be. My main focus is to survive but if I don’t which is a high likelihood to leave an impact behind – encourage people to respect the gift of life. To invoke change in people’s attitudes. I’m trying to get people to understand the fleeting nature of life and be happy. So if they do survive this pandemic their life isnt spent with anxiety or sadness. It is spent with more self worth, contentment and a belief to be better/do better as some of us won’t get that chance. I’m being realistic about life. The positions we put ourselves in are a result of our own actions and negative trail of thoughts.

I’m encouraging people to deal with life in a more positive way. If you do not wish to heed any of my advice that is your choice and you are 100% entitled to but it may resonate with someone else who will put forth the tips and hopefully lead a more content life. I wish you well and hope you find inner peace and happiness in whichever way you can. Please of anything do not shame yourself. That is not what my message is intending. Every moment on this earth should be considered a privilege.

Hey all. Good to hear from everyone.

Different perspectives are great, it’s how we all learn and look to grow out of our comfort zones,. Few thoughts from my perspective on this one;

– A wake up call is all fine and good – but what really makes the difference is sticking with it and helping people use that initial motivation to translate it into action.

– In my experience,  few people take much real responsibility for their own lives. They are used to being led and influenced in some way or another, be it family, partners, media, history etc etc. It’s easier than thinking for themselves and therefore having ownership of both mistakes and successes.  It takes effort to first understand this, let alone then work out what they actually want. And that’s all before they get into the real hard work of figuring out what choices are going to help make it happen. So yes, motivation is important but unless you follow through, it’ll fizzle out quickly.

– Don’t expect giant leaps, small steps are how true change happens and sticks. Positive thoughts are great but only if paired up with action. For example, someone looking to improve their fear of confrontation can think about having the courage to speak up, imagine themselves saying their truth. But only when they actually do it, can they feel just how powerful it is. Thinking about it ahead of time and choosing a small situation to begin with increases the likelihood of it succeeding – and therefore encouraging that person to try something bigger/harder next time. Both are needed to actually be able to conquer the fear over time.

– Absolutely, there are some people on this forum who are worrying about things that seem insignificant to us, magnified by the current crisis for sure.  It can be easy  to see and judge from our perspective that they really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.  Without being in those people’s shoes and trying to understand their fear, it is impossible to understand and I’m not a fan of judgement. Everyone makes their own choices – so long as they accept the consequences of those choices and they don’t impact others – it’s their choice.

– Do I hope the pandemic helps people take a step back and think about their lives – absolutely. And if you can help a few see this – awesome. As Adelaide mentioned, whilst it works for some – there’s a big shame element in your message even if unintentional.  If you really want to make a difference – try and stick with it and help people through to that next stage of being able to make better choices and improve their lives. In reality, I’ve found most people are prompted more on a personal level but I do think a few healthy changes will come out of this. I do expect it’s going to be tough on a lot of people for a long while and so the more of us there are able to support, encourage & push as needed, the better.

@ DoseofReality. Am curious why you think you don’t have a high liklihood of survival. I’m going to assume health reasons. Regardless, I understand why that would prompt you to want to ensure your life has impact and it’s a good way to choose to respond – hopefully you will understand my thoughts are aimed at having maximum long-term impact, best as I’ve learnt how so far. Look forwards to hearing more from you.

Cheers all.