Evening Sammy, been a bit quiet today as work has been manic, couple of people didn’t turn up so I had to cover for them too! Today has been so much better, haven’t been focused on her so much. I’ve decided to have a drink this evening, it’s been 3 weeks and I feel better so I’ve decided to have a couple and watch the football. Not sure what I will do for the rest of the weekend, weather dependent I would say!

I hope all is good for you and have a good weekend, I’ll be sure to update you 🙂

Oh no Sammy, I’m not going off the rail or anything, today is the first day I’ve felt OK in the 3 weeks, I only got 4 drinks from the shop, obviously if it makes me feel bad tomorrow ill revert back but I’m not feeling really depressed about everythjng so just wanted to chill with friends to watch the football. I know I have said I wasn’t really enjoying it but that was when I was drinking a whole bottle of rum and constant thinking about her, I decided today my mindset was stable enough to let my hair down a little.

Haha, well there you go, I told you I have a changing set of emotions, I’m not being hypocritical but I meant I don’t want to be like some of my friends who literally get smashed 3 or 4 days a week, my friend did not turn up for work today as I he had a drink last night, I do want to move away from that and experience different things but at the same time I don’t want to completely isolated myself and keep sitting indoors ruminating, it’s a rock and hard place I guess, I have to strike a healthy balance to achieve a happy place, I’ll evaluate tomorrow and see how I feel but thank you for pointing that out

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Jay.

Understood Sammy, I know where your coming from, I could of just come here and not had a few drinks and I would of probably let me mind wander and think about things, I just felt in a well state of mind that I could just relax and loosen myself up, I’ve felt so good in myself and I do feel like I’m making progress.

When I see that picture before I went on heavy drinking session and it was a bad decision, I’m in a better mind frame today and feel comfortable with it, I’m still aiming for my goals and nothing will change that! You are right as well, I don’t know who I am at times and it does change, as a human being you make decisions in the moment, whether it’s a mistake or not I will try my hardest to learn from it.

I do appreciate your concern though and I don’t want to disappoint you or anyone else because I know you want the best for me!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Jay.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Jay.

@Jay2023 hope you’re all good bro. Bit quiet on here. Didn’t read all of this but did you go on a bender or something?

@Sammy1 you’re quiet too are you ok? If you are can I get a quick opinion on something?

Hi @Dannydan

Sorry, been busy with work plus bf birthday week so trying to get the house cosy. You know I keep it 💯, first of all how can you say she doesn’t know how hurt you were???? I’m going to stop you in your tracks there because that hurt you felt you took it out on her remember? To quote @Shelbyville and @Kkasxo “hurt people hurt people”

It seems anxiety has reared its ugly head for you and the only person who has control, is you. You can allow the past to haunt you or to be the making of you.

If you don’t wish to reconnect then that’s absolutely fine, it is your choice, it doesn’t make you insecure or wrong. It means you are unsure of something and there’s nothing wrong with questioning the gravity of any situation within the confines of healthy boundaries BUT be mature enough to verbalise that to your ex bestie and ex and your fiancé in a mature manner. Discuss honestly and set boundaries and genuine people will respect them. Don’t take it out on ‘B’ and accuse her of being controlling 🤦🏼‍♀️

I would be peeved with that remark too!

‘B’ seems very balanced emotionally and she probably sees you miss him, she’s probably considering how you’ve described her nature; a peacemaker, healer and has the capacity to do things like that. Forgive AND forget. He was your bestie she probably recognises that’s worth more than what occured so was trying to put that across to you rather than dictate your choices. To add she is happy for you to talk to the ex because she trusts you. Equally if she was unhappy with you talking to the ex and relayed that to you, you’re a team you’d discuss that patiently and do what’s best for BOTH of you not get accusatory.

It’s also very NORMAL to argue, she’s a human with her own set of emotions and life is never going to be rainbows and butterflies and rosy! So get used to this and dealing with confrontation, there will be plenty of fights ahead. You can’t start questioning your relationship, don’t let anxiety escalate it to something it isn’t.

Just by communicating you can nip things in the bud. It’s just a disagreement, remember your relationship is more important than the fight. Communicate when she has had her space, knowing her she will reach out herself. Don’t push her and when she does reach out for the love of GOD please don’t be STUBBORN!!!!!

She didn’t stonewall you or give you the silent treatment or accuse you of anything, she did the healthy thing asking for space but still send a text to reassure you she’s there. You have a very strong beautiful woman there don’t ruin it!

Maybe ask her how she feels too, maybe her agitation isn’t just a result of your words but a combination of factors. Usually women when stressed just carry on, usually it can be the smallest thing that then breaks the camels back.

Anyway Danny, I’m thinking of taking a hiatus from here unless you need me?

@Jay2023

Hope the silence means you’re doing okay now, did the weekend help thrust you into a more positive state?

@Dannydan somebody out there is thinking about the tremendous impact you’ve had on their life…..its not me, I think you’re an idiot 😜 I kid! You’re an amazing guy Danny, don’t  spoil your own happiness! Thank you for the sweetest testimony lol it was my pleasure and of course you can tag me anytime. I’m still here, I want to read your post when you tied the knot I like conclusions lol. I just will not be actively looking each day at this thread. @Jay2023 seems good and the thread doesn’t need anymore help.

Think about the reconciliation with your ex bestie but if bridges have well and truly been burned then just express that politely to him and your ex. Don’t overthink it, see it for what it was, a gesture of good will and peace.

You have moved on and blessed with ‘B’, they are presumably happy so maybe they wanted to create a healthy relationship with you. I’m sure if you miss him, he misses you too. You can still choose not to create space in your life for them and that’s your right but don’t hold grudges or residual resentment unnecessarily, just be forthcoming and honest with them by communicating how you feel.

You and ‘B’ will be fine, think of her love language like you told me to, and make an expression through that. Take care Danny! X

Evening guys, thank you for your concern! I am okay, just felt like taking some time out from posting on how I’ve felt, I had a good weekend, Saturday was really good connected with a lot of people I know and got a lot of compliments from how I looked, also I opted to post a normal picture rather than change my profile picture in the end and that got a good return!

I think I’m entering the phase of where I’m not constantly thinking about things and it’s starting to feel normal, kinda like the addiction is fading which is good progress I know. So I feel like I may not need to post so much now, I do appreciate all your help over the last few weeks and have been a very good support bubble for me, I am still going to keep this thread open and will still post any good milestones in my journey and stay in touch.

I’m glad she’s coming around Danny, I would probably be the same as you in that situation and would find it hard to let it go but their mot important to you anymore, your wife to be is! It was good to let her cool down, also with the big day approaching things are bound to be a bit tense now and again.

Sammy I can’t thank you enough for regularly checking the thread and responding, you have been a big help to helping me get over the worst of it, I hope your bfs bday is a good day and the house comes along nicely!

I will be sure to post if I do feel rubbish or seek any advice for anything and I will also check to anyone posts and be happy to post back to stay in touch!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Jay.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Jay.