When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood

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This topic has 93 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 16 hours, 14 minutes ago by anita.

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August 25, 2026 at 5:40 am #460613

Roberta
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Dear Nea

Congratulations on the birth of your precious daughter, may her life be filled with love & laughter.
Best wishes
Roberta

August 25, 2026 at 10:23 am #460621

Nea
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Thank you, Anita ❤️ And yes, that’s basically what my family said too — that he could have at least said hi, welcomed him, acknowledged him somehow. In that moment, why couldn’t it just be about his daughter and his granddaughter? Saying hello to my husband wouldn’t have been some huge thing, and it could have made the whole moment feel a little warmer.

It is sad, and I think that incident is still sitting there in the background more than I wish it was. But right now I’m also in this completely new little world of cuddles, snuggles and serious sleep deprivation 😂. It’s definitely an adjustment for both me and my husband, and being at my parents’ house with a newborn adds another layer to everything. My mom and sister have been really helpful, which I’m grateful for, but I think the tension from everything that happened is still just… there.

And omg, I LOVE that you were out dancing!! 💃✨ I wish I was on that dance floor too — I would be having so much fun! And that is so sweet that the woman made you think of me for a moment 🥹❤️

Nea

August 25, 2026 at 10:23 am #460622

Nea
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Thanks so much Roberta, means a lot!! 😊❤️

Nea

August 25, 2026 at 12:50 pm #460625

anita
Participant

Good Tues afternoon, Nea ❤️

Thank you for your enthusiasm about my dancing — it’s making me smile right now.

I’m glad your mom and sister are helping, and I hope you can keep your attention mostly on your little bubble with the baby, rather than on the tension that’s understandably still there.

“In that moment, why couldn’t it just be about his daughter and his granddaughter?”-

My best answer: he couldn’t make the moment about you and your baby because his emotional world is centered on his own hurt, pride, and rigidity, not on connection. When a heart has closed, even a newborn grandchild can’t break through that wall.

In that moment at the hospital, he wasn’t thinking “my daughter just gave birth” or “my granddaughter is here.” He was thinking about the grudge he holds against your husband. His emotional priority stayed fixed on that, so he couldn’t shift into warmth or simple human kindness.

Some people’s hearts don’t open in milestone moments because they don’t open at all.

Seeing him clearly — seeing that this is about his emotional limits, not about you or your husband — may help reduce some of the tension you’re feeling. And even if he becomes “nice” at some point, it may be more of a social performance than a real softening inside him.

🌿Anita
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