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When We Think Other People Are Better Than Us

By

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt.

I have a very bad habit.

It pokes me when I stop to browse newspapers and magazines.

It slaps me when I’m watching TV.

It punches me hard at the gym.

It knocks me down when I am walking down the street.

I compare myself to other women.

I’ve suffered from depression at points in my life, and I’ve suffered from low self-esteem pretty much always.

It’s not an uncommon trait, comparing ourselves to others. But it seems to be a particularly bad habit for me. Perhaps because my brain is terrifically inventive; at my worst, I can find literally anything as proof that another woman is better than me.

She’s beautiful. She’s slim. She has a successful career. She has money. She’s married. She has nice clothes. She has brown eyes. She has blue eyes. She has smaller hands. She has a red top. She can walk faster than me.

I don’t always do it. If I’m feeling good about me, I can see a pretty woman while my boyfriend is with me and, although I do feel a slight pinch at my heartstrings, I’m able to disregard it fairly well.

But when I’m feeling low in confidence, seeing that pretty woman rips into my heart and brings tears to my eyes.

I look at her face, hair, body, success, and I think, “I can’t compare to her.” I torture myself with thoughts that if my boyfriend ever meets such a woman, I will be, as we say in Britain, yesterday’s news and today’s fish ’n’ chip paper!

It’s not just when I’m with him. I used to work in the fashionable Soho region of London, and I couldn’t take more than a few steps before a young, pretty, slim, effortlessly cool lady would glide past.

My thoughts would be, one: How does she have the money for those clothes? Two: How does she have the energy to make herself look so nice? I barely remember to brush my hair. Three: Thank goodness my boyfriend isn’t here to see her; he’d push me into that puddle over there and go running after her! And four: I look awful.

It got so bad at times that I couldn’t hold my head up. Not only did I feel ashamed of my own appearance by comparison, but literally averting my eyes seemed the only way to protect myself from the massive emotional upheaval I went through when I saw a beautiful woman.

I was really horrible to myself. Not to mention close-minded about the other women. I didn’t know their circumstances, their personalities, or personal traumas. I just saw the outside, and believed that it looked better than mine.

I create these comparisons all by myself.

They’re just people; it’s me who subscribes to the “she’s better than me” mindset, and me who judges that one of us is prettier, more successful, happier. I make all these comparisons and then berate myself, first for being a lesser being than them, and then later for being irrational and silly.

But as it is my reaction, and my brain, I have the power to do something about it.

As with all insecurities, thought patterns, and habits, it takes a lot of work, practice, and self-forgiveness to teach yourself to genuinely see your own awesomeness. For some of us it will be our life’s work.

I have discovered some tips that have greatly reduced the occurrence of my episodes, which I’d like to share:

1. Try a change of scenery.

I happened to move to another area recently. Obviously I’m not suggesting moving as a plausible tactic to avoid comparisons. But the change to my routine really gave me a big boost.

I was completely distracted by finding my way around, discovering my new neighborhood, caring for my new home, seeing new sights, and visiting new places. I was stimulated by the new experiences and too engaged in my own life to think about everyone else’s.

This can be done right where you live; seek out new things to do or see. Broaden your world.

2. Take even better care of yourself.

Exercise is well documented as a mood-booster, but it never used to work for me. I tried to go running but, rather than a rush of endorphins, I would feel a rush of tears, as I felt stupid and unhealthy.

But I was able to join a gym two months ago. My first workout was mortifying, but once I got used to the machines, I started to feel really proud of myself. I am doing something just for me. I am giving myself the gifts of health and hope.

3. Be honest with yourself and others.

I am really honest with my boyfriend about how I feel. He knows my triggers, and being synced into my problem means that he knows just how to help me feel better, whether it’s distracting me, taking me out of the situation, or planting a big kiss on my forehead and reassuring me.

I also talk about it very openly with my girlfriends, and it’s so helpful to hear them say “I feel like that too” or “You have absolutely no reason to feel you’re less than anybody.”

4. Keep practicing.

I work hard not to give into every opportunity to criticize myself. I try to breathe, give myself space before reacting, and see whether I can resolve it alone before asking for reassurance.

I remind myself that my boyfriend loves me for me. I remind myself that I have my own strengths, my own beauty. There is nobody else like me. I deserve to stand alongside every one of those women whom I compare myself to.

Everything gets easier with practice, even resisting the urge to make comparisons.

5. Remember your strengths.

We all have them. I know I have a unique personality, a good sense of humor, a few different skills and talents. I know I have nice hair and nice eyes. I’m not the pitiful eyesore I believe myself to be when I’m feeling down on myself.

The more you become comfortable recognizing your strengths, the more armor you’ll have against negative thoughts.

We are all different and all beautiful. I believe this for other people, and so my goal is to believe it for myself as well.

If we work on our self-esteem and realize how lovely we are then other people won’t seem so threatening. Be kind, gentle, and nurturing to yourself and you’ll feel less of a need to make comparisons.

Photo by Ollie Crafoord

Avatar of Justb

About

Justb is a dreamer, writer, actress, art crafter, cheese addict and silly person. She blogs about life, thoughts and living with depression at http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com

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  • Helen

    So true x

  • http://www.bluecollarworkman.com/ TB at BlueCollarWorkman

    I read somewhere (it’s probably a quote I just don’t remember from who) that one step to take is to figure out if you would want to be friends with the voice in your head, if given the choice.  I thought that was a neat way tot hink about it. The voice in our head can be so critical and mean, can really put us down and make us feel like we’re not good enough. Would you be friends with that person if given teh choice? Probably not. Which is a great place to start. Develop a kinder inner voice and become friends with it. Become friend with yourself.

  • Kyah

    Thank you for speaking on this. Your grace, strength and voice are so beautiful. I send you my love and blessings.

  • JusMe

    It’s like your inside my head! hahaha Thanks for sharing!  This is an awesome article! :-)

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justb

    Thank you Helen x

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    What kind feedback, thank you Kyah x 

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    Thank you! I am sure there are many more who feel like we do, and we all deserve to stand alongside one another, just as equal and just as special :-) Best wishes to you x

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    That is an excellent piece of advice/possible quote :-) Our inner voices can be so cruel, like a bully, and nobody deserves to be bullied x

  • Xandi

    I so enjoyed reading this today, thank you.   Having recently emerged from the dark and uncertain cloud of divorce, it had been so easy for me to let my inner voice convince me that other women around me, particularly those in strong functional relationships, have that special something that I must lack.  I imagine that other women may have thought the same about me in regards to career fulfillment, since I have a fairly unique job as an air ambulance pilot.  When you are able to remember and realize your own strengths and beauty, you are much more likely to celebrate those qualities in others.  Building up one another rather than feeling a sense of jealousy or envy sure does feel infinitely better! 

  • http://twitter.com/brooklynborecua J Nez

    Love this!!!

  • tqH2pz

    This is definitely my life’s work! I struggle with comparison. It’s like I only know how to define myself in terms of comparisons with others. As you said, I try to give myself space before reacting. This has definitely become my most powerful tool. I sit and meditate on the feeling the comparison has brought up (and how often I’m sitting at Facebook at the time!). I feel how it feels in my body and I accept it without judging it, and then I let it go.

    I have this quote printed for a reminder:

    Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.Viktor E. Frankl

  • http://twitter.com/AlannahRose Alannah Rose

    Awesome comment – what a great outlook, Xandi!

  • guest

    i really, really needed this today. i’m guilty of this constantly, and even if i feel secure in my relationship (i do) my weakest part is how i feel in my friendships. and about myself. i know i need to develop a kinder inner voice like the one comment said, but maybe i need to surround myself with better people too. i’m not sure, too upset to analyze too much right now… but this helped a LOT. thank you for writing it.

  • stephanie

    Thank you for this post!  As a woman in her 40s going through several life transitions right now, this was so refreshing and reassuring to read.  I am struggling with the fact that I will never see my 20s and 30s again and this post was very helpful.  I am a unique, wonderful person just the way I am and I constantly have to reimind myself of that fact.  Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement!

  • determined

    Thank you for this honest, well-written article.  Like so many other comments I read, we tend to come across certain articles exactly when we need them–and I need this.  I was feeling like I was the only person struggling with this, so alone. And like TB said below (in the first comment) I don’t want to be friends with the voice in my head.  It’s a daily battle as we know, but it’s nice to know that you’re not alone feeling this way and that it is something can be dealt with and conquered.  Thank you again.

  • http://www.rebuildyourlifecoach.com/ Harriet Cabelly

    Thanks for sharing this wonderful quote.  It applies to everything towards which we have those negative habituated responses.  Great reminder that our responses are our responsibility.  I’m hanging this one up. 

  • andrea kedley

    This post was very impacting.  I have struggled with the acceptance of myself and my physical appearance for as long as I can remember.  I finally became fed up with it all.  I hated being pessimistic because I didn’t want to look back at my own life with regret.  I began to surround myself with positive people, who in turn, supported and loved me under all conditions.  I have pushed myself for the past couple of years to accept compliments, think and talk positively about myself and others, stop comparing myself to other women, and begin doing things for myself rather than others.  I can say that my confidence has increased along with my acceptance of my physical appearance.  Reading this article brought back a lot of powerful emotions and memories, but it also reminded me of how far I have come.  Thank you for this great piece….

  • itisposssible

    “if i can believe that for others, i can believe tat for myself too ”  – the best part

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    That really is a great quote, thanks so much for sharing it and your experience. As Harriet says, we really do have the power within us to respond differently x

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    It sounds like you have done really well Andrea, this struggle is incredibly hard but you are so right we wouldn’t want to look back and think ‘I was so unkind to myself and what for?’. You have inspired me, thank you! x

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    I believe in synchronicity too :-) it helps to know you’re not the only one, that’s why I am glad you left your comment it helps me in the same way, so thank you. It can be dealt with, and without exception we all deserve to have a loving voice in our head x

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    Thank you Stephanie, and I love your choice of words, ‘unique’ and ‘wonderful person just the way I am’. You are, we all are, and we all deserve to know it :-) Best wishes to you x

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    Thank you, I’m really glad it helped. Its a deeply upsetting place to be, and we need to be as kind to ourselves as we can, both in our inner voice and the people we allow to be around us. x

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    Thank you! :-) x

  • http://justbtheblog.wordpress.com/ Justbtheblog

    Thanks Xandi, I agree with Alannah this is a really inspiring comment! x

  • Cree-na

    Thank you! You should be very proud of yourself for sharing so honestly. I felt the exact same way for a very long time and am still sometimes having battles with myself. Sometimes it creeps up on me and I dont even realise it.  I wish you all the best in staying strong. Keep the positive vibes flowing on your path to loving yourself.   

  • Downey_michelle

    This is me…….I have done this for a lifetime. After a couple years working through many issues with a counsellor I saw that I compared myself and to put it bluntly I was awful to myself. How could I be happy if I was not happy myself? I have let go of a lot of this negative self talk, negative self beliefs, comparing myself to others. Yet the negativity still creeps back in…just the other day!! Comparing myself to looks, weight, wish I was shorter, my husband would love it if I was more like them, how do they do it?, they have easier lives. I felt awful for a couple of days after looking at some photos!!! We are all different and unique-and I must remember that I am me you are you and I am fine!!!! How can one be happy if one can not love or appreciate ones self?

  • Angie M

    Thank you so much for this post! I am in a very similar situation right now that almost made me lose the man i most love yesterday. I noticed that my situation made me needy and clingly. He’s training to be a lawyer and has lots of stuff to do. Instead of using this time and get on with my phd, i keep getting on his nerves demanding time he doesn’t have and trying to change him although he’s perfect for me the way he is.
    Your post has helped me open my eyes. Thank you so much

  • Guest

    I don’t think what you’ve written will solve anything. It sounds like the suggestions are basically just to avoid thinking about the competition or make yourself feel on par with the “competition”. #3 for instance – asking people to reassure you? That is no solution at all. You need to address the issue directly. There will be women who are prettier and smarter and more “whatever else” than you. When they are, you need to acknowledge it. Don’t disillusion yourself when something is undeniably true for the purpose of making yourself feel better. Truth above all. You adjust yourself to truth, not the truth to you. Be honest. Now as I said earlier, you are avoiding the competition. You need to remove it. Go into it and analyse it until you realise that there is no competition. You need to be able to immerse yourself in it and feel nothing. And be happy for others, not jealous.

  • Condocaine

    Wow and thanks,, i need to read this over and over,,, 50 and just starting to live!!!

  • Uplifted

    Fantastic post! This is exactly what I needed to hear today.. Thank you!

  • Siere

    A suffering ego is a soulful opportunity.

  • Leokinz95

    I`m sixteen and I struggle with this as well sometimes I actually do cry when I see a beautiful thin girl with a boyfriend. I have distorted body image as well and I constantly weigh myself as I actually have no idea what my body really looks like even though everyone says im thin and beautiful. I have social anxiety and tend to isolate myself so having no close friends and never having a boyfriend doesnt help when im comparing myself to others. Your post helped me see im not alone in this though, thank you.

  • Livewithyogibrain

    I was talking about this same issue earlier today with a friend. I’ve always measured my self-worth by comparing myself to those around me. Their success becomes a source of self-criticism and self-degradation rather than inspiration and motivation. It’s as if I think they are a closer image of perfection than I am – I never acknowledged the widely different circumstances that define all of our lives and that no one is perfect or as well-balanced/well-rounded as I assumed they were on first contact. Once I noticed this, I started making a more conscious effort to credit myself for my own strengths rather than only beat myself up for my shortcomings. You’re absolutely right that the process involves a lot of practice and constantly remind yourself of what your goal is – Not to be like someone else, but to be happy about who you are. Now, when I revert into the old type of negative thinking, I remind myself of one of my favorite quotes: 
    “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” – Anna Quindlen.Thanks for writing this – I’m just realizing that this isn’t a problem unique to me. 

  • Jane

    I also struggle with this, so thank you for the wonderul article. As long as we compare ourselves to other women, how can we feel anything but resentment for them? With resentment comes an inability to become true friends with other women.

  • Ker

    Thanks for the article, i really needed it-for me its facebook-when i go on and look at everyone’s brilliant lives and compare it to mine-i get low self esteem, so im going to take it as a challenge-not to let it get me down

  • Clare

    Thank you for sharing this and being so honest! “My thoughts would be, one: How does she have the money for those clothes? Two: How does she have the energy to make herself look so nice? I barely remember to brush my hair. Three: Thank goodness my boyfriend isn’t here to see her; he’d push me into that puddle over there and go running after her! And four: I look awful.” — you could’ve read my mind!  Even when I do have money for a new shirt and time to do my hair in the morning (rarely) I still manage to compare myself negatively to other women! Even though i try to avoid looking at the constant advertising messages that say “You are not good enough and so need to buy X”. It’s ridiculous. There will always be someone prettier, thinner, richer or better dressed, and we have to just do the best with what we have and accept ourselves… I know that, yet still feel like a “pitiful eyesore” myself sometimes!

  • http://www.facebook.com/reevianna Renata Vianna

    I know exactly what’s that feeling. I see myself in your writing, when thinking about how others can be so pretty while I look the way I do, and I always try to focus in finding the great things about myself that no one else has, but it gets difficult when that old familiar feeling of not being as pretty, as intelligent, as successful, as slim as I’d love to be hits me back in the guts… I’m for sure one of those who you mentioned will have to deal with this for their lifetime…
    I’ll trust you when you say you’re getting better by using these tips, and I’ll follow them, because they seem really promising.
    self-esteem is such a tricky little thing…

    loved how you opened yourself up, and i wish you the best, and that you conquer your goal :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/reevianna Renata Vianna

    I
    know exactly what’s that feeling. I see myself in your writing, when
    thinking about how others can be so pretty while I look the way I do,
    and I always try to focus in finding the great things about myself that
    no one else has, but it gets difficult when that old familiar feeling of
    not being as pretty, as intelligent, as successful, as slim as I’d love
    to be hits me back in the guts… I’m for sure one of those who you
    mentioned will have to deal with this for their lifetime…I’ll trust you when you say you’re getting better by using these tips, and I’ll follow them, because they seem really promising.self-esteem is such a tricky little thing…

    loved how you opened yourself up, and i wish you the best, and that you conquer your goal :)

     

  • D

    It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone. My struggles started when I entered puberty, and although many years later I appear confident, sociable and happy, I still have a lot of inner conflicts to battle, this low self-esteem and constant comparison being one (two?) of them. Similar to the author of this article, I don’t always feel this way, and I have my good phases, but when i’m having a low moment it disturbs me profoundly and affects my relationship, and how I perceive my boyfriend to feel about me. I find it heart-wrenching too, to think of my boyfriend being with me when I’m hanging out with attractive girls, or when I think of him looking at others, but at least one thing that I have managed to do is not feel resentment towards the girls – I treat them with love and kindness, no differently to how I feel I ought to with everyone. It’s not their fault I feel insecure, and I definitely don’t blame them!

    The worst is being even more frustrated with yourself because you have these silly, irrational insecurities at all! It makes me feel even worse about myself, and makes me feel even less like the kind of woman my boyfriend would want to be with!

  • Ann

    I have this problem as well. I have also suffered from depression and low self esteem for years. It’s not just that I compare myself to others, but one woman in particular. I have a RAMPANT jealousy of Beyonce. She is perfect. She’s stunning, talented, a hard worker, has a beautiful family, and did I mention that she is stunning?? It’s embarrassing to admit but I spend hours thinking of her and how perfect she is and how I canno even compare. I feel ugly, talentless, and worthless. The worst part of it is that I completely undervalue what I am and what I have. I’man Ivy-league college graduate

  • sehrazad

    Thank you so much for your post. Your honesty has helped me a lot, and I am sure it has helped a lot of other people you will never meet. You have made this dark day a better day, please go on writing from the heart.

  • Johanna_Galt

    Thank you SO much for sharing this. I have a tendency to think almost EVERYONE is better than me, and that I’m the only one that struggles. On my worst days, I don’t even want to leave the house because I’m ashamed to be seen. It helps just reading your story and all the comments to let me know I’m not alone in feeling that way. Funny to think that we’re all walking around comparing ourselves to each other, all thinking WE’RE the inferior ones. I like the reality you present much better — that we are all different and beautiful. I agree. And I’m going to work harder to believe I fall under that statement as well. Thanks again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/666maggot666666 Jessica Campos

    I feel exactly the same way!! It’s a struggle to feel this way! I don’t want to go out of my house because those stupid sluts( I call pretty beautiful women like that) will appear!! I don’t want to turn the TV either !!! I just wish I could live far away from people! All they do is just make my life so freakin miserable! Anger builds up in me, sadness, misery!!!!!! Every single day!! And their voices too ! I hear a pretty voice , I get all mad! I can’t escape this torment!!! Sometimes I feel like sleeping and never ever wake up again ! I don’t know how much long I can take! I just feel like killing all those stupid whores!!!!!!

  • http://pinterest.com/inkybedsheets/ InkySheets

    I am so glad I found this. Thank you so much for posting this piece.

  • Paula

    Hi Jessica, I feel just like you do.. It is a sad situation when we would rather run away from the world rather than face the fact that there will always be prettier, more successful women around. Intellectually, I know it is a warped frame of mind but I guess it all stems from fear of being rejected or left. It is going to be a life long journey for me but I hope to get to the point where I love myself enough not to worry anymore.. What a wonderful feeling that would be! Good luck and take care.

  • highspirits

    Today was rough. I couldn’t help but to find myself crying in the bathroom by the end of the day. But after reading this im going to pick myself back up. Thanks

  • smw

    what do you do if you don’t have any strengths though..

  • elsie

    well i think there is a certain reality you should check. I was in love with someone whom I realised much later on, looked down on me the whole time as being inferior- intellectually and socially even though we studied at the same university and had the same qualifications and knew the same people. He told me he thought I was very beautiful. I really enjoyed being in his company and thought that his politeness and niceness towards me showed that he liked me too. He cut contact with me and got married to someone else and left the country. Maybe just my bad luck, naivety or bad judgement but it definitely does make you question how you come across to people and how to read whether someone actually does like you or not

  • http://www.modishmaracas.com/ Sophie

    It’s also slightly worrying how much relying on the boyfriend for self-esteem seemed to shine through here. While it does help, if the relationship ends, what happens then? Unfortunately we live in a culture who’s economy flourishes from getting us to compare ourselves to others. It’s called marketing. It’s interesting that the author’s first triggers were, “It pokes me when I stop to browse newspapers and magazines. It slaps me when I’m watching TV.” There’s your first clue, Sherlock! Two years ago I traded trashy magazines and TV with some decent feminist literature and it has totally empowered me as a woman and given me the KNOWLEDGE and education to deal with all these issues.

  • Sarah

    I’m struggling with this majorly. I see other women very much as threats to my existence and self esteem. I’m very overweight, not pretty looking and more importantly I have no talents (I’ve tried painting, drawing writing musical instruments all in failure) or strengths. So what would I replace number 5 with?????

  • Em

    I think it’s a helpful blog with good insights. That said, when I read that the blogger is a, “writer, actress, art crafter” the first thing I thought was, “she’s better than me.”

  • You’re dumb

    What are single people supposed to do? lol

  • Jake

    I think you’re seeing a big part of yourself as a weakness when it’s really a potential strength. Not being full of yourself and not thinking you’re somehow better (more attractive or more intelligent or more fill in the blank) than others can be a true strength and asset. It has the potential to make you a more loving, valuable person to the people in your life because you won’t be too proud to love others. You mentioned a boyfriend…well, he’s probably feeling lucky to have a girl who isn’t so full of herself that she’s selfish and always looking to run to the next best thing because “she deserves it” like many women do. I think the problem is that instead of taking this positive trait (not being full of yourself) and using that energy to love other people, you’re using that energy to focus on that small part of yourself called your ego by comparing yourself to others all the time. No one’s ego will satisfy them in this life. It’s a small, dirty little thing that mostly consists of what our imagination puts there. At least you’re right not to view your ego how some really vain people do when thinking that they’re so much better than everyone else, but you’re still focusing on it instead of turning outward to love the people around you, which is the most mature perspective. You’re draining your energy by living in the comparison world when instead you could use that energy to go kiss your boyfriend and tell him you love him, for example. I’m not saying not to love yourself, because you absolutely should, but a big part of love is that it “does not seek its own interests.” Think about loving yourself in the form of taking care of yourself to make yourself more valuable to others in your life. Love yourself to get yourself right so that you can share more love with other people.

  • boy caught in a flux of sorrow

    Ya i agree with you,nobody wants to be bullied…..its better for those people who moves too and fro between the both extremes of happiness and sorrow than the people who are bullied quiet recklessly as the bull of destruction never exits their life until it had turned us into shadows of our formerself……

  • pia

    I think depending on your bf for his support will only make you weaker…it’s high time that women should learn to live on their own….how would a woman who needs support from her bf to feel good face this cruel and competitive world….and why do you feel so low of yourself seeing women having more money than you…I think you must be seeing men also who have more money than you…then why are you only competing with women?….maybe because you already keep men above you…I think more than changing your neighborhood and hobbies you should change your perspective towards world…once you would start competing with men as well as women you won’t have any problem with a prettier,taller or a boobier(lol) girl or woman.

  • hayley

    Thank you so much for posting this article. It means a lot to know that people are dealing with similar issues as I am. I have only read one of your articles, but you seem like a lovely person. After reading this, I feel a little bit better – and thats better than nothing. Thank you.

  • Chelsea

    A more profound and abstract way to think of these things, is to realize that there is no “competition” or ever was to begin with. At least not in reality. Only in our minds do we create this false competition because we aperfectionshed by society to think that we must be a certain way to adhere to society’s sickening and unrealistic “criteria”. First off, and I’m really surprised that no one has mentioned this very applicable quote yet, is that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. That quote personally has put a lot of my negative self-talk to rest. Beauty is something abstract. And it is something that is certainly perceived differently for everyone. The trick is to look past society and start to see all of the illusions behind what our culture considers “beautiful”. Really sit and really think about this: do we really know what “beauty” is? Or are we just
    manipulated by the media, by society and by our close friends/family/etc. practically shoving it down our throat what it is supposed
    to be? I would go with the latter considering so
    many people today are so obsessed with
    “beauty” and “perfection”. And personally, its
    really sad. This post is proof that women
    especially, are so disillusioned and are tearing
    themselves up from the inside-out because of
    society’s false standards. We should all begin
    to think outside of the box/norm and break
    free of these thoughts and realize that nothing
    in life is set in stone. We really are all beautiful.
    We are all a part of one mass unity. We should
    stop comparing because in reality, we are all a
    part of this most beautiful and vast existence. I
    hate that society makes it so hard to feel good
    about ourselves as INDIVIDUALS. Society
    sadly does not place any emphasis on
    individuals. The media is terribly cruel as well because basically, the media is what sets the precedence for society. So all in all, I really blame the corrupted media for a of the self-loathing among so many women. Anyway, to wrap up my thoughts, I think there is a universal beauty that should be emphasized, and that beauty is contained in the soul and heart. Go with what makes YOU happy, be yourself, be kind and compassionate, and don’t be afraid to think outside of the box. Abstract thinking is an amazing anecdote to realizing there is so much more to life that lies just beyond this vast horizon. Accept the infinite amount of possibilities in your thinking. It could change us for the better. ♥

  • a

    Why? I dont know. the struggle is immense. the dreams are frightening. life has become worth less. I am at odds, with thoughts that are constantly inbred. I am worthless, why? I am unemployed. I am sick of where im at. i now have to ask for help, when i was happy to be the giver. Now i am just a taker. I am sick of where i am, where i am going, and frankly, i think life insurance is a great deal. my wife doesnt have a man anymore. i am broken and broke. my limbs are failing, & i no longer feel like being here. I Thank the kind people i have met along the way. To you i pray that God exist and has a special place for the love you shared with me decades ago. I think of you people often, Truly Kind Loving Nurturing People. I think you knew then, that i as a child, felt like i wasnt worth the air i breathed. but you were still so kind. Thank you. To My Wife: You Truly Are The Softest, Warmest Woman I Have ever met. i hope you ignore, the rude, mean, crass, nose in the air people, that have, pushed you out of the way, to be first in line. God knows They saw your softness, & pushing in front of you, was their triumph. You need to say ” exscuse me” Or as you have been, let them go in front of you. Thats The Woman The World Needs More Of. I pray you let your light shine. Im sorry for all the trouble, i dont knoow how much more i can take

  • kavin paker

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  • kavin paker

    I found it really touching as well. As a recovering perfectionist, I
    know that pressure all too well–and what a relief it is to let it go!
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  • kavin paker

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  • Mind of B

    This might have been posted two years ago, but today it came right when I needed it. I have a guy friend that I care about who makes me feel so special, but there are days when I feel like such a child compared to his other female friends who have children and cool jobs and discuss politics and the news and probably don’t feel the need to jump wildly in trampoline parks or flounder through life trying to afford a house. Some days it’s a constant struggle to remind myself that I am just as important and strong as any one of them–in my own way.

    Thank you for posting, and letting me know that I’m not alone.

  • diana

    Let me guess, you’re a man. She never mentioned being jealous (of course you being a man would assume this negative feeling is the only one women feel toward women they feel are superior than them). The author said she felt inadequate, not jealous.

  • Bubbleonfire

    This article helped me, just to know that other people feel the same way I do. I’m part of a community of artists (Deviantart) and the suggestions under my art are always so amazing, it makes me feel like I’ve just done a fifth graders art project. It’s hard to not compare myself their skills, even though I know most of them are older than me or have been taking classes, I still expect myself to be at their level without any classes and at a younger age. It sounds silly but that’s how it works. Reading this, and seeing that other people feel the same insecurity that I do, makes me feel less alone.

  • loving fashion

    this really helped thx :)

  • whereisnormalimeanwhatisnormal

    i’m so sick of people thinking they are better than me ESPECIALLY women my age and older women. It’s so foolish and quit it with the up in air shit. Finger pointing, blame , gossip and na na na boo boo garbage is fucking weird and also the bullshit of not minding your own business. ugggh get back to normal if there even is any.