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Category “letting go”

From Conflict to Compassion: Put Love Above Winning

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“Let go of your attachment to being right and suddenly your mind is more open.” ~Ralph Marston

When we face a conflict we face an opportunity to learn from pain. It’s like putting your hand against a hot burner on the stove. The burn warns that you have to do something differently.

You pull your hand back reflexively and you don’t touch the stove again. You’ve learned. As with the hot stove, if we get the lesson that is in front of us, we don’t need to keep repeating that particular pain.

Inconveniently, our natural inclination when we feel the …

Do You Think You Need to Be Perfect to Be Accepted?

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“What you resist, persists.” ~C.G. Jung

There it is: Perfection, Eureka!—the holy grail of achievement, like an elusive mirage in the middle of a desert or that pesky little pot of gold we are always hunting for at the end of the rainbow, purring with all of its possibilities, protection, and promise.

Yet, despite its charm and the value we tend to assign to the trait, as well as on those who possess it, perfectionism ultimately leads to the same destination. In striving for perfection, we may soon find ourselves disappointed, dissatisfied, and even sometimes, knee-deep in suffering and denial, …

When You’re Hurting and Healing: Give Yourself a Break

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“Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress, which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” ~Unknown

Often these days, I would like nothing more than to move forward. If I could only figure out which way was forward, I would definitely start heading in that direction. If you couldn’t already tell, I’m going through a break-up, the most major break-up of my life so far.

Again, I’m often disappointed that if I were to check a box to describe my “relationship status” it would most likely be “It’s complicated.”…

3 Tips to Embrace Imperfections and Bounce Back from Mistakes

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“There is a kind of beauty in imperfection.” ~Conrad Hall

Back when I was a teenager, I was kind of a perfectionist. Or, well, I wasn’t really a perfectionist—I was actually a “fake” perfectionist.

Allow me to explain: I put on the perfectionist persona. I acted and behaved in a certain way so that everyone (including both my fellow classmates and teachers) thought and believed that I was the perfect student when I wasn’t.

Everybody thought I was the student who got straight A’s, was a bookworm, was involved in every extracurricular activity that ever existed, never got in trouble …

Releasing Painful Memories to Live More Fully in the Present

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“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.” ~Eckhart Tolle

For thirteen years I’ve lived a high-risk lifestyle that focuses very much on the here and now, because I’m an entrepreneur, and that means making lots of fast decisions that affect the future.

It took a while for me to develop confidence in myself, as we tend to doubt ourselves much more than other people might doubt us. Our thoughts form our doubts, so I knew I had to do something to move forward from the thoughts …

Redefining Closure in Order to Move On and Get Living Again

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“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ~Unknown

I would love to identify as someone who, when her relationships crumble either gradually or all at once, is able to wipe her hands clean and go about her life without any closure.

I fantasize about the tears, time, and energy I would save if I didn’t feel the need for closure and if I didn’t agonize about trying to have these heartfelt and “necessary” conversations with the people with whom I’ve had falling outs.

For years, I was shackled to the belief …

Nothing Is Permanent: Letting Go of Attachment to People

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“Impermanence is not something to be afraid of. It’s the evolution, a never-ending horizon.” ~Deepak Chopra

I have been reading a lot lately on attachment and impermanence. It’s a big topic, one that is often hard to wrap your head and heart around. How can I live a life without attachment? Doesn’t that mean that I am not being a loving or caring person? I mean really, no attachment—it just seems cold.

This all started for me when the love of my life told me, “I love you, I am just not in love with you.” Ouch.

To say I …

Dealing With Uncertainty: When You Don’t Know What to Do Next

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“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs

There’s a lot of advice out there that tells us when to let go of something and make a change in our lives, as if moving on were as simple as your brain notifying your hand to loosen it’s grip and release a balloon in the air.

But when it comes to grappling with your heart and soul, it’s not such an easy thing to do. You cannot choose to amputate your feelings on a moment’s notice.

Maybe you’re sitting in …

How to Change What You Feel and Believe About Yourself

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“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” ~Robert Gary Lee

A year ago, I began to accept that I was depressed, and had been for a long time. It was scary. I broke up with my live-in boyfriend of almost three years, quit my job, and though I didn’t want to, I moved halfway across the country to move back in with my parents.

I was a wreck; all of the feelings that I had been suppressing for years, some literally since childhood, came flooding back. My only defense in the past had been to ignore these feelings, though I …

Letting Go of Expectations and Letting Joy Find You

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“The best things in life are unexpected, because there were no expectations.” ~Eli Khamarov

Are there situations in your life where letting go of a desired outcome could potentially improve the outcome?

I’d been invited to the Stern Grove festival, the free summer concert series, to see Andrew Bird. A friend of mine texted me the night before, letting me know he was setting up a picnic for it.

I was feeling agitated that evening after spending more than I’d wanted to at a birthday dinner (which I was happy to attend, notwithstanding), and I anticipated wanting to recharge …

Unbecoming Who You Are and Embracing Your True Self

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“View your life with kindsight. Stop beating yourself up about things from your past. Instead of slapping your forehead and asking, ‘What was I thinking,’ breathe and ask yourself the kinder question, ‘What was I learning?’” ~Karen Salmonsohn

I’ve never been particularly risk adverse.

If you asked my friends or family, they’d tell you I’d be the first person to try something new and challenging. I did things in my twenties with very little thought about the consequences and dove headlong into many situations without batting an eyelid.

Except, I was avoiding one thing and that was the real me. …

Why Uncertainty Isn’t So Bad and How to Embrace It

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“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.” ~Mandy Hale

Sitting in the auditorium during orientation, I listened to various deans, distinguished alumni, and student leaders drone on about the rigors of earning a law degree.

There were obligatory mentions of not everyone making it to graduation (or even the end of the first week) and of the intense strain on personal relationships.

But the message I remembered most clearly was about uncertainty.

“You better get comfortable with gray areas. And fast. Because the legal field is not a place …

How to Quit or Move On Without Feeling Guilty

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“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

When I accepted a position with a small company, I thought I had found everything I wanted: challenging work in my field, flexible hours, a laid-back atmosphere, and a short commute.

My new job seemed to be perfect, but soon I realized it wasn’t.

While I loved the kind of work I did, the “casual” atmosphere ended up being too casual. Hearing racy jokes and mocking comments became part of my workday. The jokes seemed to become more offensive as days went by.

Then the gossip …

Are Limiting Beliefs Holding You Back and Making You Feel Bad?

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“If you believe yourself to be limited in some way, whether or not it is true, it becomes true for you.” ~Brian Tracy

I have often wondered why the most formative years of one’s life, in early childhood, tend to be the hardest for us to recall.

Most of us cannot even begin to tap into those memories. Those scant memories that do bubble up to the surface are often fog-tinged and dreamlike. Images or sensations may appear, but the linear, day-to-day recollection evades us.

Perhaps Mother Nature does have a sense of humor, because, oddly enough, it is usually …

3 Signs It’s Time to Break Up

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“Celebrate endings, for they precede new beginnings.” ~Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There was an incessant doubt deep inside that wouldn’t subside. It followed me everywhere—through the good times and the rough times.

By “good,” I mean things were okay. They were never great, ecstatic, wildly passionate, and deeply connected.

I tried to escape it, block it out, ignore it, and pretend this nagging feeling would eventually disappear.

But my heart wasn’t skipping a beat. The spark had long disappeared. I never had butterflies thinking about him. I felt myself slowly withdrawing.

And I couldn’t figure out why was this happening.

He …

Surrendering to Things We Can’t Control or Change

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“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” ~Joan Borysenko

I’ve always sped through life. I’ve always been ready to take on the next moment, that new place, make a new memory.

I’m an obsessive planner. I love control. Seriously, I love the feeling of researching and executing a plan flawlessly. It makes me feel like it’s all worth something, or it gives my life meaning. Nothing satisfies me more than being able to check that next “life goal” off the multiple checklists I create.

This idea of getting to the next place and achieving as …

How to Let Go of Guilt and Regret and Forgive Yourself

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“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boes

In October of 2010 I was engaged after only three weeks of dating. I was scared to tell my family, but I was terrified to tell my father. My parents divorced when I was five, and I couldn’t spend weekends at Dad’s because he lived thousands of miles away. I saved him for last and decided to take the cowardly way out by emailing him.

It was not the best decision I’ve ever made. Not only did it infuriate and hurt him, it ended up producing …

Letting Go of the Past So You Can Be Reborn

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“In the end what matters most is: How well did you live? How well did you love? How well did you learn to let go?” ~Unknown

In a matter of days, it was all gone: the role in a company I adored, the future I had imagined, and our friend Max, so loved by all who knew him.

The loss washed over me in a sudden gust. I was being called to begin again, to re-examine what I thought was important. And, in facing the feelings that arose with being stripped abruptly of these attachments, the inessential was forced to …

The Path to Freedom: Stop Controlling and Defining Yourself

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“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” ~Albert Einstein

I had drawn a line so deep in the sand about who I was.

I was certain I was on my way to becoming a better version of me.

And then.

Water rushed in, softening that line, revealing that I was part of something much bigger than I saw myself to be.

Something much bigger than I could control myself into.

So many children grow up with circumstances far …

How Understanding Can Lead to Forgiveness and Fulfillment

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“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” ~John Green

I remember growing up in a lonely home. My parents were distant, and it seemed they didn’t care much about me. Their lives were all about them, so I didn’t care much about them.

My sister and I hated Christmas and New Year’s Eve because we never got any gifts or toys during that period.

We used to be so lonely at home, and we couldn’t play with the neighbors’ kids because our parents didn’t allow it. I grew up having no friends, up until …