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Posts by Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.

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Tiny Wisdom: On Turning the Dark into Light

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“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.” -Helen Keller

This is the kind of statement that I used to find incredibly annoying. I thought it was an overly simplified way of condoning a lot of the hurtful things other people had done. If someone suggested that a hardship was a gift, I assumed they were saying it because they couldn’t relate to my pain.

Then I realized that my stubborn commitment to being right and bitter was causing me just as much pain as I felt other people caused. I …

Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

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“Doing your best means never stop trying.” -Unknown

For years, I stressed over the possibility that my best was not good enough. I realized that I couldn’t possibly do better than my best, but as a type-A overachiever, this logic wasn’t sufficient permission to feel proud when I put all my heart into something.

I didn’t want to do my best–I wanted to do the best that anyone could do. I wanted to achieve greatness, as recognized by lots of people. I wanted it to be undeniably true that I was someone worth admiring and respecting.

What I have since …

Tiny Wisdom: On Insurmountable Obstacles

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“A hard fall means a high bounce…if you’re made of the right material.” -Unknown

I recently saw the movie Soul Surfer about Bethany Hamilton, the professional surfer who lost an arm in a shark attack in 2003 when she was just 13 years old. This would be difficult for anyone, but especially someone so young.

Bethany lost 60% of her blood that day, and after turning down a lifelike but non-functional prosthetic arm, soon realized she had to relearn almost everything.

What kept her going was knowing she didn’t lose everything. Lots of things were different, but lots of things …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Kind

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” -Plato

Sometimes it can seem like everyone’s out to get you. There’s the person in traffic who refuses to let you into his lane. The customer service representative who rushes you off the phone without helping even a little. The friend who didn’t tell you the whole story, which left you feeling hurt.

We’ve all met these people. We’ve also been these people. We all have days when we’re not as considerate, helpful, or honest as we’d like to be.

Sometimes it’s because we’re rushed. Other times it’s because …

Tiny Wisdom: On Living

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“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” -Eckhart Tolle

You might not think to compare beloved children’s writer Dr. Seuss to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, but there’s a common message about happiness in both their works: We can only experience joy through action in the now, not by waiting to get it some day, when everything works out and makes sense.

From Seuss’ Oh the Places You Will Go:

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go …

Tiny Wisdom: On Suffering

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“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” -Pema Chodron

We all have stories we tell ourselves about the events in our lives. Many of them are negative: My boyfriend left me because I’m not good enough. I didn’t get that job because people think I’m incompetent. My parents were too hard on me because they don’t really love me.

We often give far more meaning to events than they actually had, allowing them to control us and our actions.

Your stories can either leave you feeling helpless …

Tiny Wisdom: On Happiness

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“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~Gandhi

It’s awfully difficult to be happy when you don’t love or respect yourself, and let’s face it: A big part of self love has to do with operating with integrity.

When you commit to making a positive change–like meditating or cutting back on work–but don’t follow through, you’re basically telling yourself that your commitments to yourself aren’t valuable enough to keep.

When you decide you believe in something strongly, like honesty, and then contradict it in your actions by lying, you’re telling yourself …

20 Ways to Overcome Doubts

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“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~ Pema Chodron

Nine out of ten times when I feel paralyzed, it’s because I doubt myself.

Sometimes I doubt my knowledge—whether I truly know enough to move forward. Sometimes I doubt the choices I’ve already made, as if I can somehow find a sense of control in rehashing what I’ve done and deciding how to do it better in the future.

Other times I doubt my instincts. I think I know what’s right for me, but my mind decides to split …

Tiny Wisdom: On Doubts

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“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” -Honore de Balzac

When you think that you don’t know, know that somewhere inside you, you do. When you think you can’t go on, know that you absolutely can and will. When you aren’t sure that you can make a difference, know that you already do, and you will continue to if you just keep going.

It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about how boldly you’re willing to act, knowing full there’s a lot you don’t know.

Today if you doubt yourself, remember: You are far more …

Tiny Wisdom: On Using Freedom

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“We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.”  ~William Faulkner

Let’s face it: In a world where work is a requirement, a lot of us will end up spending at least some time doing things we wouldn’t choose to do. If we’re passionate and determined, we can create a world where we work is enjoyable, and maybe even create the conditions to work fewer hours.

But what’s important is what we do with the time we have on any given day.

You might not be able to travel internationally right now, but you can …

Tiny Wisdom: On Fear-Based Decisions

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“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

Sometimes I look at people who appear to be confident, successful, and happy and imagine that they always feel that way—that they never feel insecure or afraid, and they always operate from a place of trusting love.

Then I remember that every person who has a pulse deals with human emotions. What confident, successful, happy people have going for them is that they feel fears, but they make decisions from a place underneath them.

They push through discomfort, fully aware that it’s impermanent, and …

Tiny Wisdom: On Winning

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“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” ~Gandhi

When I was younger, I thought of winning in terms of revenge. I thought that if I felt hurt by bullies, they won. Or if I sat around feeling sad about an ex-boyfriend, he won. On the flip side, if I grew up to be successful, that would be the best revenge against anyone who hurt me.

In being happy, confident, and successful, I would have won.

What a sad way to think, that it’s all one giant score card of them against us. That we’re …

Be Part of the First Tiny Buddha YouTube Video

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As you may have noticed, there’s been a Tiny Buddha YouTube channel up for months now. There have been nearly 3,000 views on the page but, thus far, there aren’t any videos on there.

Today is the day that changes!

Since I launched this website in the fall of 2009, Tiny Buddha has been all about community.

Each week, I publish 4 blog posts from Tiny Buddha readers. I’ve published nearly a dozen posts that incorporated wisdom from members of the Tiny Buddha Facebook page. I even included tweets from Tiny Buddha Twitter followers in my upcoming book (available …

Tiny Wisdom: On Self Love

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“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

They say that love is a verb, and that’s not only true for our friends and family. If we want to be strong, confident people who can benefit others and the world, we need to make time to love ourselves in action.

We need to do the things that we know nourish our hearts and spirits, whether it’s yoga, meditation, or walking on the beach. Even if we’re overwhelmed—especially if we’re overwhelmed—we need to prioritize taking care of minds and bodies.

We …

Why Some Dreams Don’t Lead to Happiness

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When I was 24 years old, I learned that some dreams are actually avoidance tactics, and some discouragement is a very good thing.

I was relatively new in New York City, and I felt overwhelmed by the prospect of failing if I tried to pursue my passions. I’d learned a lot about failure in the six years prior, and the only thing I knew for certain anymore was that I had to become someone important.

When I arrived at my interview for marketing job—as it was so descriptively advertised on Craigslist—I was surprised to find a room full of …

Tiny Wisdom: On Who You Were Meant to Be

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“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.” -George Sheehan

I don’t know that I believe we were “meant to be” anything specifically, but I know that we all have greater intentions that often get suffocated under the weight of our daily responsibilities.

We all want to make the world a better place. We all want to mean something to other people. What that looks like differs for all of us, and sometimes it changes from one day, one month, and one year to the next.

But …

10 Steps to Simplify Your Work Life

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“Life is actually really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” ~Confucius

While I have always piled a lot on my plate professionally, I’ve recently introduced more varied elements. Formerly, I may have devoted a long workweek to freelance writing, but I’m now juggling writing, consulting, editing my upcoming book, and promoting my recent eBook.

I’ve noticed that the biggest complication to my life isn’t necessarily the full, varied schedule; it’s how I think about that busy schedule.

Sometimes I let my to-do list overwhelm me, carrying the weight of the whole through all of the parts.

So, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Able

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“He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything.” –Proverb

We all go through phases when we feel hopeless. When everything gets overwhelming. Your bills, your responsibilities, your relationships, the dreams you put on hold—sometimes it all seems like too much.

In those moments the last thing you want to hear is that you’re lucky you can still walk or use all your senses. Those are things we all take for granted. Things that just are.

Except none of them are a given. The legs that allow you to practice yoga may one day be …

Tiny Wisdom: On Giving Peace Away

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“If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.” -Dalai Lama

Most of the time when I feel overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated, or angry, it’s because I’m obsessing about my circumstances–everything that feels unfair or insurmountable and all the ways I feel powerless to change them.

In this state of mind, I inevitably stress other people out, whether I talk about my challenges or not.

It’s there, spoken or unsaid. It gets in the way of my ability to really be present with the people I love, and it affects their state of mind.

I’ve realized that the surest path …

Tiny Wisdom: On Imperfect People

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“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~Sam Keen

There’s a popular musical that explores a common approach to love, titled I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change.

It happens all the time: We meet someone, we fall for all their strengths and quirks, and then soon start identifying ways they could change to better meet our needs.

I suspect we do this partly because we tend to blame the person we’re with when we’re feeling something we don’t want to fix on our own. But also, we …