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To the Wounded Parent Who Wants to Do Everything Right

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“The greatest gift you can give your children is your own healing.” ~Dr. Shefali Tsabary

Am I doing too much or not enough?

Am I screwing my child up? Am I being too hard on my child? Am I being too soft? Am I spending enough time with my child? Do I help too much? Should I help more?

Is my son going to be taken advantage of because he talks about his feelings? Is my daughter going to be considered too bossy because she has boundaries? Should I be doing more as a parent? Or less?

These are the …

Why I Gossiped and What I Now Do Instead

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“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss people.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I stopped gossiping when life humbled me. I didn’t realize at the time, but what I thought was just innocent girl talk with my friends was really a way to escape my own shame and insecurity.

I had this quiet, ongoing sense that I wasn’t measuring up personally or emotionally. Gossiping about someone else gave me a fleeting escape, since it allowed me to shift my focus to someone else’s behavior. Every time I did it, I felt a sense of guilt and shame after, but I never thought too …

What Happens When the Strong Friend Finally Asks for Help?

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“We don’t build trust by offering help. We build trust by asking for it.” ~Simon Sinek

I have always been the strong sister, partner, and friend.

I didn’t make a conscious decision one day to be the strong one and stuck to it. It became who it was from a very young age, being the firstborn daughter. I was used to carrying a larger load than my siblings. Being the strong and responsible one was rewarded by my parents, and it’s what kept people close.

I am the friend you call when you can’t think straight. I am the friend …

What Happened to My Body When I Suppressed My Emotions

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“Our bodies communicate to us clearly and specifically, if we are willing to listen.” ~Shakti Gawain

As a child, I was never taught to regulate my emotions. I learned instead to override them—pushing through stress, swallowing tears, and even hiding a cast at dinner, afraid that showing what had happened to me would create anger instead of care.

By the time I was a teenager, I turned to drugs and alcohol to manage my emotions. It was easier to feel nothing at all than to be bombarded by emotions I had no clue what to do with.

This turned into …

Anxiety Sucks, But It Taught Me These 7 Important Things

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” ~Soren Kierkegaard

Let’s be clear:

This isn’t an article about positive thinking.

This isn’t an article about how silver linings make everything okay.

This isn’t an article about how your perspective on anxiety is all wrong.

The kids call those things “toxic positivity.”

No toxic positivity here.

This is an article about my lifelong relationship with anxiety and what I’ve learned from something that won’t go away. At times the anxiety spikes and feels almost crippling. I have a hard time appreciating the learning at those times, but it’s still there.

That is what …

Why I Let My Kids See My Sadness Now (After Hiding It for Years)

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“I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you—truly, deeply, seeing you.” ~Brené Brown

The first time my kids saw me truly cry was Christmas of 2021. My oldest was sixteen, and my youngest was twelve.

They had just opened their presents. It should have been a warm, joyful morning. Instead, I turned away toward the foyer near the entry of the house, my back to them, as tears threatened to spill over. My mom—whose emotional chaos had disrupted a …

All the Important Things a Scale Can’t Measure

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“She remembered who she was, and the game changed.” ~Lalah Delia

The scale. Those dreaded words and those dreaded numbers. It can strike fear in the heart of any generally happy human. We look at guidelines and BMI charts and always think, “It should be lower.”

Have you ever been having a perfectly good day and suddenly think, “Maybe I should weigh myself?” And just like that, your day is ruined.

How do we let a $20 bathroom scale dictate how we feel about ourselves?

I remember stepping on the scale and seeing numbers that somehow determined how I valued …

From People-Pleasing to Self-Trust: How to Come Back to Yourself

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“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ~Carl Jung

Where did I want to go out to eat?

The question was straightforward, and the answer should have been easy. But as my mind flipped through the options, my thoughts weren’t focused on what I wanted. Instead, I was preoccupied with making the right choice, the one least likely to cause tension.

Yes, my partner had asked where I wanted to go. But over time, I learned that answering honestly often came with consequences. My choice might be questioned, dismissed, or turned into a debate. If …

Phone Down, Eyes Up: How to Really See the People We Love

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“The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Judy was three the first time I missed it. She had spent a solid ten minutes stacking every couch cushion on our living room floor in Vancouver, building what she clearly considered an Olympic-grade landing pad. She climbed up on the couch, stretched her arms out wide, and gave me that look. You know the one. The look kids give you right before they do something that makes your heart jump into your throat.

“Baba, watch!” she yelled.

My phone was in my hand. It was …

What My Body Taught Me: 13 Surgeries, One Coma, Countless Powerful Lessons

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“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ~Khalil Gibran

I was born with spina bifida. When I was ten years old, doctors told me I might not walk again after a surgery that would change my life.

I don’t remember every word they said, but I remember the feeling, the air shifting in the room, the adults speaking carefully, the quiet that followed.

Paralysis was a possibility.

By that point, my body already knew hospital ceilings well. I had been through multiple surgeries before I fully understood what surgery meant. …

What’s Really Happening When Your Thoughts Spiral at Night

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“The anxiety is not the enemy. It is the messenger. The mistake is killing the messenger instead of reading the letter.” ~Unknown

It’s 3 a.m. I’m lying in the dark, planning my own funeral.

Not because anything is wrong. My family is safe. There is no emergency. But my brain has decided, with complete confidence, that the headache I had this afternoon is something fatal. I am already thinking about who will come. Who will cry. Who will move on faster than I’d like.

An hour earlier, the same brain decided my career was ending. I have a presentation tomorrow—and …

5 Quotes for Hard Times (and a Free Ebook)

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Sometimes everything feels like too much, and it’s hard to use all the valuable lessons you’ve learned when life requires you to use them all at once. It’s also easy to feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of what you’re facing and alone with all your struggles.

I’ve felt this way on and off for the past year and a half, as I’ve been dealing with significant stressors in nearly every area of my life. Since I know many of you are in a similar place, I’m offering my Guide to Overcoming Hard Times for free, along with 18 other digital …

The Pressure to Dream Big and the Beauty of Wanting Less

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“What if I accept that all I really want is a small, slow, simple life? A beautiful, quiet, gentle life. I think it is enough.” ~Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui

Why do we feel such pressure to dream big? I think it starts in childhood when parents, teachers, and other adults start asking the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

One of the many problems with this question is its premise. In the classroom, at church, at youth camp, and at home, you are not alone, and you’re able to hear, understand, and internalize how others might answer …

The Seven Strengths: A Rare Free Training

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Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how easy it is to feel overwhelmed—by the news, by life, by everything we’re carrying day to day. I know I’ve been feeling this lately.

And when things feel like a lot, the question becomes: How do we stay grounded in the middle of it all?

If you’ve been wondering this too, I have a feeling you’ll appreciate The Seven Strengths—a free, live 7-day global online course taking place May 13–19.

It’s all about building the qualities of mind and heart that help you access your calm center no matter what’s gong …

When Self-Awareness Turns into Overthinking and How to Stop

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“Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can.” ~Unknown  

For years, I believed self-awareness was the answer to everything.

If I could just understand myself better—my triggers, my patterns, my childhood wounds—I would finally feel calm. Stable. Healed.

So I read the books. I journaled every night. I replayed conversations in my head, analyzing what I said, what I meant, and what I should have said instead. I studied my reactions like they were puzzles waiting to be solved.

At first, it felt empowering.

I was becoming “conscious.” Reflective. Emotionally intelligent.

But slowly, something shifted. Instead of feeling …

How to Tend to Yourself When Being Vulnerable Feels Raw

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“Vulnerability is the only path through the wall that separates us from each other.” ~Brené Brown

Every time I share something deeply personal—an article, a post, a piece of my story somewhere or to someone—there is a part of me that lights up with energy. I feel a sense of urgency, a pull to share now. A belief that some humans will need to hear it, relate, and feel less alone. And often, it helps me make sense of my own experiences, too. Even if I’m not always conscious of it, there is a higher reason guiding me.

Storytelling is …

If You Feel Lonely Around People, Here’s Why

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“The loneliness of the connected age is not about being alone. It’s about being unseen in a crowd.” ~Unknown

For a long time I thought I was broken.

Not in a dramatic way. In a quiet, persistent way—the kind you learn to manage so well that most people can’t tell, and eventually you almost can’t tell either.

I had a full life by any external measure. Work I cared about. People around me. Invitations to things. And yet there was this gap I couldn’t close—a feeling I can only describe as being on the wrong side of glass. Present in …

Growing Up Without a Family: From Survival Mode to Thriving

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“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” ~C. S. Lewis

I started life in a poor household with one parent who left when I was very little, never to be seen or heard from again, and another who stuck around but made it very clear I wasn’t wanted and I had ruined their life by existing.

For some reason, I never had any contact from either of their parents, my grandparents, and very little to no contact from their wider families.

So, as a young child, I knew …

Escaping an Abusive Situation: The Hardest Parts and Greatest Lessons

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“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~Rumi

I watched my son get hit by his father, and something inside me finally broke open.

Not broke apart. Broke open. There’s a difference.

For years, I had absorbed the chaos. I had made myself smaller, quieter, more accommodating. I had convinced myself that if I could just love harder, be better, try more, something would change. But in that moment, watching my child suffer at the hands of the man who was supposed to protect him, I understood with absolute clarity that nothing I did would ever …

Gratitude: The Amazing Superpower Inside Us All

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“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” ~Marcus Aurelius

Gratitude.

It used to be a very triggering concept for me, and sometimes it still is.

It’s been a process to unravel what it means to me and to be okay with days where I am in active trauma or grief, when I feel there is nothing to be grateful for. It’s okay to be in those places.

Gratitude is but one of the plethora of tools I’ve used to shift my perspective on …