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I Stopped Asking “Why Me?” and Started Asking “What Now?”

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“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” ~Viktor Frankl 

For a long time, my first response to difficulty was a single, aching question: “Why me?”

It surfaced whenever life took an unexpected turn—when plans collapsed, when effort didn’t materialize, when circumstances felt unfair and overwhelming. I believed that if I could understand why something was happening, I would somehow fix the situation and regain control. That the answer would soften the blow.

But it never did.

One experience, in particular, changed my relationship with that question.

I remember …

Moral Injury: When the People Meant to Protect You Fail

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“Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.” ~Dr. Gabor Maté

Most people think trauma comes from what frightened us.

But not all trauma is rooted in fear. Some wounds come from betrayal—when something violates our sense of right and wrong, and we’re left to carry the cost alone.

This kind of injury doesn’t happen simply because something bad occurred. It happens because a moral line was crossed—by a person, an authority, or a system we believed would protect us. What follows isn’t just pain but a lasting …

How I Found Focus and Presence When Meditation Didn’t Work

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“Meditation is a way of being, not a technique.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

I didn’t think I was someone who “couldn’t meditate.”

I had read the books. I understood the benefits. I knew, intellectually, that sitting with my breath was supposed to help me feel calmer, more present, more myself.

And yet every time I tried, something inside me tightened.

My mind raced. My body felt exposed. Stillness didn’t feel peaceful—it felt like being left alone with something that didn’t know how to hold me.

So I stopped trying.

For a long time, I assumed this meant there was something wrong …

I Stopped Trying to Be Chosen and Finally Found Love

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“You can’t perform your way into being loved. You can only reveal yourself and trust that the right person will love what they find.”

Finding the unmarked door, I stepped into a dimly lit room pulsing with that “Love Jones” energy. Neo-soul played low, red lighting cast shadows across faces, and the bass line vibrated through my chest. This was the kind of place where real conversations happened.

I was nursing a cocktail when he appeared beside me. Dark eyes, easy smile, the kind of presence that makes you sit up straighter. “What are you drinking?”

Within minutes, we’d moved …

Need a Break from Everything?

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I think it’s probably fair to say that most of us are feeling overwhelmed right now. We’re all dealing with a lot. Work stress. Family responsibilities. Relationship struggles. Health challenges. The pressure to keep going even when we’re absolutely exhausted.

Lately my own life has been ridiculously full. Between running the site, homeschooling my older son, and navigating some stressful family situations, I’ve often felt like I’m in survival mode. I’m sure a lot of you know what that’s like.

And it’s not just busyness that makes it all feel so draining. It’s also the constant noise. Even if you’re

…

What I Ask Myself Now Instead of “What’s Wrong with Me?”

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“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.” ~Kristin Neff

For a long time, I carried a question with me that I rarely said out loud.

It wasn’t dramatic. It didn’t sound cruel. It felt reasonable—even responsible.

What’s wrong with me?

The question surfaced whenever I felt stuck. When motivation disappeared. When I couldn’t seem to do the things I thought I should be able to do with ease. It appeared quietly in moments of overwhelm, in the pause before self-judgment set in.

I asked it sincerely. I believed it was the …

Why Letting Myself Fall Apart Set Me Free

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“Ironically enough, when you make peace with the fact that the purpose of life is not happiness but rather experience and growth, happiness comes as a natural byproduct. When you are not seeking it as the objective, it will find its way to you.” ~Unknown

I had ten days to pack up my life.

I was moving from Toronto to Florida, and I decided—very confidently—that I would only take what fit in my SUV. Everything else would be donated, sold, or given away. Ten days. One car. A clean slate.

It felt intentional. Grounded. Like the kind of choice someone …

When “Better” Becomes a Trap: How I Learned to Hope Without Clinging

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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

For most of my life, hoping for something better wasn’t a problem. It was my fuel.

If everything had lined up the way I once imagined, it would have looked something like this: steady financial security, meaningful creative work recognized by the world, a sense of arrival—finally—after decades of effort. I would be teaching or creating without scrambling, my work fully valued, my future predictable enough to relax into.

That picture lived quietly in the background of my days. I didn’t obsess …

What It Cost Me to Always Be the Easy One

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“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho

I grew up as the first-born daughter—the responsible one, the helper, the one who didn’t want to cause trouble. I learned early how to be “good.” Good meant quiet. Good meant easy. Good meant not needing much.

What I didn’t realize then was that I was learning how to abandon myself.

School was hard for me in ways I didn’t know how to explain. I struggled with reading. I struggled with focus. I struggled with keeping up—especially compared to my younger sister, …

How Old Traumas Can Cause Self-Doubt in Destructive Relationships

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“Sometimes people wound us because they’re wounded and tell us we’re broken because that’s how they feel, but we don’t have to believe them.” ~Lori Deschene

Age and healing don’t make you invulnerable to moments that can bring you back to the kind of trauma you experienced as a child. It doesn’t mean that you’re broken, but that there is still an opportunity for more healing to take place. Nothing is inherently “wrong” with you.

I experienced a great deal of trauma in my twenties, actively reliving sexual abuse I had gone through in my childhood, and found myself in …

How to Know When You’re Truly Ready to Forgive

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“Forgiveness is a painful and difficult process. It’s not something that happens overnight. It’s an evolution of the heart.” ~Sue Monk Kidd

Sometimes I hear the word “forgiveness” and I cringe.

I’ve been wrestling with this all year because I realized something really uncomfortable: When I look back at those moments where I felt betrayed, in most instances, I wasn’t a victim of other people’s bad behavior—I was a willing participant.

For years, I stayed in one-sided relationships and situations that asked me to shrink and conform to other people’s expectations. I gave everything and got crumbs (and this includes …

30 Reminders for Sensitive People Who Feel Drained, Ashamed, or Judged

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.” ~Anthon St. Maarten

There are some words that get painfully etched into our memories as if with a red-hot poker. For me, growing up, those words were “you’re too sensitive.”

I often caught this phrase in the fumbling hands of my shame after someone chucked it at me with callousness and superiority as a means to justify their cruelty.

They may have said something vicious or condescending in private …

How I Live My Life Now, After 10 Days of Silence

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“If there is no peace in the minds of individuals, how can there be peace in the world? Make peace in your own mind first.” ~S. N. Goenka 

I recently completed my third Vipassana meditation course.

There is a moment at the beginning of the course when you surrender your phone (and receive it back at the end). That transition feels deeply symbolic. The outer world goes quiet, not all at once, but unmistakably. And only then do you realize how much static you’ve been carrying.

I never want it back at the end. Never.

Ten days with no phone. …

Why Protecting Your Energy Isn’t Selfish or Shameful

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Ian Maclaren

A friend recently told me a story about her mother that stayed with me.

They walk together some evenings around her mom’s apartment building—part exercise, part ritual. Her mom doesn’t enjoy small talk. When they pass people in the building, she usually keeps her eyes forward. There’s one woman in particular who always says, “How are you?” Years ago, her mom would respond. Now she doesn’t. She keeps walking.

My friend felt conflicted. Part of her understood. Another part felt uncomfortable. She said, “Sometimes saying ‘I’m fine’ …

It’s Okay to Have No Purpose Beyond Being and Enjoying This Moment

By in Blog, meaning & passion, mindfulness & peace

“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

I was sitting on my yoga mat with my legs stretched out in front of me. I bent forward into a fold, puffing and clenching my jaw as I extended my fingertips toward my toes. I was growing angrier by the second.

A slew of sour thoughts marched through my brain.

This is stupid. I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing. I’m so out of shape. Other people have no trouble with this pose. …

Why Trying to Be Good Enough Kept Me Feeling Empty

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“The opposite of belonging is not isolation—it’s fitting in.” ~Brené Brown

One of my earliest memories comes from kindergarten.

My mom had bought me a new pair of navy-blue corduroy pants for an event at school. We didn’t get new clothes often, so this felt important. But what stayed with me wasn’t the pants themselves or the event—it was the way I felt wearing them.

I remember standing there, already tense, afraid that the other kids would think I looked stupid. Afraid they wouldn’t want to play with me. Afraid that being different, even in something small, would mean I …

The Betrayal of Expectations: Coping When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“What will mess you up most in life is the picture in your head of how it is supposed to be.” ~Unknown

I expected to get into college. I expected to have a career after a lot of hard work, and that one day I’d meet a nice man and we would get married. We would buy our first house together and start a family, picking out a crib and the baby’s “going home” outfit and organizing a drawer full of diapers. We’d have more babies and go on vacations and grow old together.

I expected that one day I’d …

When Being Helpful Hurts: A Guide to Better Boundaries When You’re Feeling Drained

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“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” ~Tony Gaskins

It was a Tuesday afternoon when I said the word that saved my sanity: “No.”

Just two letters. But the weight I’d been carrying for twenty-eight years finally lifted.

My phone was ringing. Again. It was my cousin, and I already knew what she wanted before I answered. Could I watch her kids this Saturday? I know it’s your only day off, but it would really help me out.

I sat in my car in the grocery store parking lot, …

How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed by Other People’s Strong Emotions

By in Blog, love & relationships

“It is not your responsibility to figure out what someone else is feeling and why. Let go of the illusion that ‘fixing’ their bad mood will make you feel better.” ~Sarah Crosby

Some years ago, I was talking to my husband on the phone. He sounded annoyed about something to do with his work, but I noticed an intense emotional reaction in myself. Immediately, my heart contracted and my stomach lurched. I could feel a runaway train of emotions activate within me.

My whole body was awash with nausea, and I felt so very uncomfortable. 

This was a familiar and …

The Hidden Cost of Trusting the Universe More Than Yourself

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“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” —Rumi

The last days of the year felt like the right time to let go. I stood in my backyard with twenty-five years of journals—thick notebooks filled with prayers, confessions, and late-night spirals—ready to release them to the flames.

I wasn’t being dramatic. I was being deliberate. I stopped daily journaling several years ago.

For years, I’d used these journals as a kind of inner courtroom, constantly building a case against myself or others. Every page held evidence of failures, proof of my profoundly …