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Annie

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Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 107 total)
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  • in reply to: When life knocks you down #80539
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello Snap38,

    It seems like you’re going through a really tough time. You said, “I saw my friends’ lives that were going so well” and that made you feel so badly. The truth is that there are people who are better than us or worse than us in terms of life situations. Everybody has a different experience and most people are struggling with something even though it may not seem like it. We don’t know the underlying feelings of others because they portray a very “cool” and “easygoing” attitude, when in reality they may also be struggling. The best thing here is not to compare yourself to others, otherwise you will feel even worse about yourself.

    Being away from home and family is so difficult, but we can do things to reduce the feeling of being alone and I urge you to look them up. I think it’s important to realize that the reason it’s difficult to do well is NOT because you can’t because you’re far from home. You are dealing with a lot of other things that you may have put off such as grieving for family..etc. It must also be difficult to lose family members while you are away from home. On top of all of that your parents lost their jobs. In reality, these are all things that are beyond us and we cannot control them. Things that we cannot control, we must learn to live with. The best thing to do is learn how to remain at peace. The external world is changing all the time. We must respond rather than react. Do you understand what I’m saying?

    It seems as if you’ve grown apart from your friends from home and they exhibit very immature behavior. After you left home, you lost contact with them and things changed in your life and their lives as well. In these cases, you should cut them off and begin making new relationships. Just remember that hardships can help us change and become even better versions of ourselves. We can become conscious of our self and learn to prevent our emotions from controlling us.

    Annie

    in reply to: Why does my mind work against me? #80400
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello AJ,

    Could it be that your mind scares you away form the revelation because there’s something else that you need to process? Maybe you tell yourself that things happen for the best and move on from them, but you don’t grieve them, so that energy remains in your body?

    Someone close to me passed away last night. Of course, death in itself seems unfair because it separates us from the people we love. However, if you had a family member suffering from a terminal illness and they passed away, would that be terrible? Of course it would be, however you can also see that their suffering has ended. Maybe the passing away of a loved one helps them release their burdens (death of an elderly spouse or child) and it isn’t so bad.

    Annie

    in reply to: Relationships: are they worth it? #80395
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello Darshana27,

    I like what you’ve said here. I should remain hopeful that the future is uncertain, but can still bring goodness.

    Chaitra, maybe people like us should take things more slowly, but that doesn’t guarantee you won’t get hurt.

    Saiisha, I believe we think about things in the same way. I agree, relationships are there to teach us lessons. They can definitely make our lives better long term. I actually feel so good, even about relationships i’ve ended, knowing that i’ve learned something from them. I’m going to think about this in my down time.

    Annie 🙂

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by Annie.
    in reply to: You are sometimes your own worst enemy #80394
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello John,

    We all have that inner voice that tells us we aren’t good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, confident enough, strong enough…etc. I used to let that voice get the best of me, but I was the only person who could challenge those thoughts and I DIDN’T. It definitely has a lot of truth to it.

    Wow, Saiisha. That is the most powerful thing i’ve ever read: “As long as people can control you, they will – that’s how families operate, that’s how society survives”.

    Annie

    in reply to: How internet effected your life #80392
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello Chaitra,

    I deleted my Facebook account about 2 years ago. About a week ago I deleted my online dating profile, Instagram account, snapchat and any other social networking account. I still use Youtube though. There are definitely times where I have missed out on things because I didn’t have a Facebook account. It wasn’t that big of deal and I don’t miss it. Honestly, social media can make you depressed and create a false sense of popularity or closeness. I met a couple people on the internet through a dating website, but it seemed like a lot of those people were lying. Of course, it was easier to lie because they were sitting behind a screen. However, in real life the moment you meet a person you can get a sense of what they are like. I feel much happier and in touch with myself leaving social media. When I’m bored I just read, come to tinybuddha, meditate, or text friends. I feel like my personal relationships have become stronger because I’m not wasting time talking online.

    Annie

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by Annie.
    in reply to: Feeling insecure #80391
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello Josephine,

    Just to reiterate what others have said: we are all unique and that’s what makes us special. However, I truly believe that we have a primary self and a disowned self. Our primary self is what we’ve established to survive. Our primary self may have developed as a coping mechanism or may have come as a response to difficult situation in our life. For example, someone who really loves being in deep relationships wants to be alone and act like they don’t want anyone. Our disowned self, then, is the self that wants to connect with other people. There’s a member of tinybuddha who wrote an excellent article on this: http://www.voicedialogue.com/understanding-relationships/

    It’s also true that we attract others who are similar to us or have qualities that we have desire in ourself. So, the more you are being authentic self, the happier you will be and you will attract the same type of people. Be yourself. Anyone who minds how you are doesn’t matter and anyone who matters won’t mind how you are. Besides, if you “change” or “fake” being something you aren’t, sooner or later that will fade and the other person will see how you really are and they may leave. However, if you’re being yourself from the beginning, then there most likely won’t be any dramatic changes. Don’t rush into anything just because the connection is nice. Let your relationships develop naturally and with time, open up slowly and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

    Annie

    in reply to: Who inspires you? #80389
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello Simon,

    I’m surprised to find that you are inspired by Gordon Ramsay, but even more surprised because I know who that is. Haha You have mentioned some great qualities about him.

    I’m inspired by my friend in college. She is on the rowing team as she has worked very hard at it being a walk on. She also works very hard in her academic life and is a good friend.

    in reply to: My job is making me depressed again. #80387
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello Vany,

    It seems as if you’ve been through a lot lately. Mistakes are made all the time especially in jobs where there are so many people involved. Communication can become a very important skill in these types of situations. Is there anything else that you are good at? In terms of the driver, you do not have to apologize because that would be you taking the blame for everything that happened and it would just be to please your Mom’s boyfriend’s sister.

    I suggest writing out thoughts and feelings in a journal or just in a word document if writing helps you feel better. It certainly helps me feel better and it can also help you gain another perspective on your situation. If you would like others to respond then try to summarize what you’ve written in your post.

    I agree that it would be very difficult to find a “good job” without a high school education. Is there any way you can get your GED? That is equivalent to a high school diploma. If you are planning to stay where you are long term, then it may be helpful to learn some of the basic or most common phrases associated with the certain type of work place you are interested in.

    Annie

    in reply to: I screwed up. Help me understand #80349
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello Chris,

    I do not think you should give her those gifts. Again, it will seem as if you are trying to win her affection and will push her away even further. It seems as if she is just stringing you a long at this point. She will respond sometimes and end the conversation or not respond at all. Someone who is interested in pursuing a relationship will be very open and honest, but maybe she isn’t very open? Be a better person for YOURSELF and if she comes a long then good and if not then you’ll still be okay. You talk about making “progress” and by that If I’m correct you mean more meaningful and emotional conversations? It has been two months and it seems as if you are the only one making effort. Remember, it takes two to make a good conversation. You can try as much as you want, but if she cannot or does not want to open up then you will not make any “progress”. Just give it more time and space and slowly remove things from your life that remind you of her. I think the best sign that one should move on is when words lose their meaning. Right now, you are sending her a lot of words and they do not seem to be effecting her. You are settling for having some space in her life rather than no space, so you continue to pursue her when she has made it clear that she doesn’t want to try. You are afraid that if you leave her alone she will forget you. I’m very sorry to have to be so blunt, but the longer you resist and keep trying the more it will hurt you. I went through the exact same situation.Life will go on and you will find love again.

    in reply to: My job is making me depressed again. #80337
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello Vany,

    Mmae9191 brings up a very good point that you are in a negative work environment. Don’t let these people bring you down. It seems as if your co-worker was very fake and immature to have went behind your back and told someone else about you constantly needing help. I was in the same situation that you are in where asking for help became me acting “helpless”. Trust me when I say that people like this enjoy bringing you down and feed off of that energy to make themselves feel “superior” whether that’s in intelligence or work. The sad part is that when we remain in these situations we continue to hear negative things about ourselves and after a while we start to believe the things people say. How can we not get depressed then?

    The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out of that environment. Start looking for a job elsewhere, but don’t quit until you have something else lined up. Of course, it’s easy for me to say this. So, if you must stay then you have to create boundaries and respect. When someone treats you badly, you must stand up for yourself and politely but assertively tell them what they’re doing is wrong and that you won’t accept that type of treatment.

    Spend some time alone and just process the thoughts you are having of yourself. Challenge those thoughts because you are a good person and you deserve much better. Learn to validate yourself, so that when others say bad things or treat you badly you don’t believe them. Good luck

    in reply to: I screwed up. Help me understand #80293
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello brownsky,

    First, let me just say that you are not crazy. It seems that often times when we feel another person pushing us away, we want to hold on to them even tighter. You said “I chatted with for about 2 weeks before meeting in person” and then “from day one it was if we were meant to be. Everything was perfect with us.” It seems as if things progressed very quickly, however, when you broke it off she lost trust in you and your relationship.

    You said that you felt like you didn’t deserve her or her kindness. A lot of these feelings are signs of insecurity. It may be that when you tried getting back with her, you came on too strong and tried to go back to the “old relationship”. Do you think that happened?

    At this point, it seems as if you have made your feelings clear in a letter and have attempted to make contact with her to mend things. Just because she responded, does not mean she is interested in continuing any type of relationship with you. It may just be that she is being polite. If you really want my advice then do not buy her anymore gifts or shower her with your affection. It may come off to her as if you are trying to buy her affection even if that isn’t your intention. When she said she did “not want to try anymore” you should take her words for what they are. You may think that you can convince her to love you, but is that what you really want? Won’t it seem like she’s only with you because you convinced her rather than her affection for you? She also mentioned that she wanted space. You should respect her wishes. You have already expressed yourself multiple times, now, let her come to you. It may be difficult, but try to move on. First, cut all contact from her through messaging, social media, and even in person. Remember, this too shall pass, just be kind with yourself. Grieve the relationship and do things to keep yourself busy. Work on self-love and self-validation.

    Annie
    Participant

    Hello Gracie,

    I too can relate with your “Ah huh” moment of finding that loving yourself is important to be happy with or without a relationship. There’s a saying which says that “the best way out is through.” It seems as if our fears are triggered by intense relationships, which really just means that we care a lot. Just to reiterate what others have said: The key here is to be on your own, so that our security and happiness isn’t tied to someone else. When we are happy on our own, we can put our foot down and that will really help us be happier.

    I truly believe that we also cling to relationships or have unfulfilled relationships because our needs aren’t being met. It’s important to figure out what your needs are in a relationship and only you can figure those out. For example, I thought I wanted to spend more time with my partner, but in reality I just wanted to be held and have some verbal form of validation of security. No matter how great a relationship is, security is important for me and I think the best way to remind ourselves from time to time is to just verbalize it. So, something to ponder would be what your relationship needs are? With self love may come the realization that you deserve the best, which can really help us let go of unfulfilling relationships to open up space for love.

    in reply to: Guide about compassion? #80291
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello David,

    I truly believe that once we validate ourselves and become happy with ourselves we can be more compassionate towards others. The important thing is to really stay tuned to your inner self because only you can determine how much compassion you have to offer without it draining you. Sometimes withdrawing is our only option, but that doesn’t mean it has to be forever. Even withdrawing can have a different meanings for different people. For some it may mean to create emotional space so that you can be there for them without it bringing you down as well. For others it may mean complete withdrawal which includes physical and emotional space. When you can be centered with yourself and approach others out of love, then outside factors will matter very little or not at all.

    in reply to: Living with toxic family #80275
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello,

    Thanks for considering many different perspectives when responding. Soon, I will be going back. I do feel like I have never been treated with kindness or respect. We shouldn’t bring people down, especially those we love. I have no more words, I hope to move on from this and become stronger.

    in reply to: Diffficulty dealing with a not-so-great past #80269
    Annie
    Participant

    I sure LOLed at spell caster. That became the key word I would look for when a post seemed suspicious. Haha

Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 107 total)