Forum Replies Created
Thanks for replying. I feel like this world is full of people who will do anything to take you down if it could move them ahead. I am afraid of claiming my ADD on disability status because I may not even get hired in the first place.
I am thinking of going back to school so that maybe I can work independently at some point. I’m not sure, I will do what you suggested.
I find it’s much easier to give good advice than take your own good advice. Haha I have had challenges, but I worry I use them as an excuse. I guess I consider these (PTSD, depression, anxiety) to be normal when they are not. Just have been feeling like my world is crashing down and I can’t do anything.
Thanks for responding. I was actually looking forwards to see what you had to say. I think you have a great point. I need to stop feeling like i’ll be a failure if I don’t do something just because I was told that’s the only way to be successful. I agree, I need to be interested in the subject. I may also have fibromyalgia, which is related to ptsd, stress, depression, and anxiety.
I agree, the information processing has become worse over time due to unforeseen circumstances. I am hoping that a rheumatologist and/or a psychologist may be able to help. I’ve been very depressed lately and feeling down. More recently, I found out my boyfriend is moving away for completing a graduate degree.
Thanks for responding. Being anxious and stressed can make it very difficult to focus on other things. I too know in the back of my mind that I have to take care of my career. It stays in the back of my mind and will be triggered by some event. For example, I was okay until I went to the library with a friend and realized other people were studying and I had been out of school for a year.
It just sounds to me that you have a different opinion and threshold for wrong doing than you sisters. There is nothing wrong with that as we are all different. The point of the women’s march was to demonstrate that people will not accept human rights violations, racism, sexism, xenophobia, and hate. I am not sure where your sisters attended the march, but it was extremely peaceful. Nobody got hurt and there was no violence where I was. The problem with the democratic process is that it does not represent the opinion of three million American citizens. I believe this was the most respectful and peaceful was to disagree with Trump’s ideas. I understand what you are trying to get at, but they don’t think about it the way you do. I’m not sure about other times you have tried to explain to them why they shouldn’t respond to hate with hate, but this seems fine. I’m curious, do you think you have been wronged when people don’t see things the way you do? I will try to be helpful, but I need more information.
Thanks for the kind words priyaharidas. Take care!
Congratulations on owning a business at such a young age. I read your post and I see how stressful it must be for you to feel stuck in that environment. I was wondering if her name is on the lease or if it’s just yours?
Thank you, I am feeling very free and happy about the estrangement (sounds silly doesn’t it). I had a realization after my original post that some people feel that it is OKAY to abuse/ bully because they are a family member. I think in this case she knows that she can control other people using her tantrums and harassment. At least she can control her parents that way.
We are not getting married any time soon, but I still do not want her there. I doubt that she will apologize or correct her behavior. The night it happened I thought it may have just been because of the alcohol, but the act continued and the harassment increased. She began the silent treatment, yelling, etc…
I think her parents are definitely embarrassed by her behavior and have done their best to ensure that I am comfortable. I don’t think they see her behavior as abusive. It’s viewed as her “struggling” or “begging for attention,” but that is not how adults should act. In a way they are enabling her, but like I said before they won’t punish her because she’s “Struggling”…I worked really hard to avoid her in order to avoid a confrontation or even her screaming at me. I am unsure of how things would have turned out when she came home and I was there.
Anita, you are very understanding. I said the same thing that you mentioned above. I have no problem cutting contact with other people because I realized that abusive people have a problem and will continue their abuse as long as you allow them to. I think he understands why I am angry/upset because it was completely uncalled for. You are right that he is conflicted because he doesn’t know what to do. I don’t think he will ignore his sister or anything for her behavior towards me. I DO NOT want to be stuck to her for the rest of my life. I think that we have different experiences in terms of family as in he always had a loving family while I’ve been pushed over the edge to where I basically had to go no contact. Some people may say that it’s unrealistic to ignore your sibling for your partner, but I would do it if they were harassing my partner for no reason at all! I think that I need to work on accepting my feelings because I keep looking for people to validate whether what I am feeling is okay to feel or if it is wrong.
I just wanted to say that I too dislike porn and will not tolerate it in my relationship. I told my boyfriend I would leave if he continues to watch porn and he stopped. This created a lot of tension between us as well. If this is what you want/believe in then you have a right to tell your partner and then it’s up for them to decide whether they can accept it or not. Contrary to what someone said, there is a lot of research on how porn destroys relationships and decreases intimacy and relationship satisfaction. Here is one: http://www.socialcostsofpornography.com/Bridges_Pornographys_Effect_on_Interpersonal_Relationships.pdf
I think it is a good idea not to stress about loans too much. Obviously it will be a process and will take some time paying them off. I would be really unhappy working in a food related job, i’m not very good at it. I think another factor that plays into this is that I’ve worked so hard for four years and paid a lot of money for a good education. I would like some payoff for this at the least least. You are right, management positions are definitely what i’m after at this point. 🙂
I have considered post-baccalaureate programs. I may take a look into it a bit more once I can secure a job. I didn’t write in this post, but moving home is not an option. I think you are right and it’s a wonderful idea that you can have a specific degree to become a counselor/ advisor. I may look into that a little bit more. I’m studying neuroscience, but unfortunately my GPA isn’t very competitive to get into a good school. My friend has encouraged me to apply regardless of that. I will think about it.
I did get accepted to a low wage job, which I rejected. I think I may not do an AmeriCorps job for that same reason. I really like your quote “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.” and when you said not to be CERTAIN about something before taking a first step. I think this is kind of key for me. I’ve done this in the past and it has turned out really well (like applying for college), however, in other situations it has turned out horribly. I think I just need to keep applying and kind “throwing the net out” to see what I can catch. For a while I got so busy that I couldn’t focus on applying to jobs on top of all my other work. I did meet someone and it inspired me to look into sales jobs. It looks promising. I will let you know more later.
Thanks for responding everyone!
Thanks for responding. I am doing the best with what I have right now.
Thanks for responding. Your post made me think a lot about what I wanted to do and the pros and cons of each side. I am waiting to hear back from other positions, which seem kind of promising. I know it will be hard, but I also know I will be unhappy if I take this job. I want to move somewhere else. After spending so much time, energy, and money in college I want a job that will at least make me comfortable for now. Although it would be nice to have that security, I would be stuck in the job for two years.
Don’t just accept blame because people will keep giving it to you. To be honest, whatever happened happened. Yes, what you did was neither right nor wrong. However, on her part, she was committed to her partner and SHE was in the relationship and she cheated on her partner. She can blame you all she wants, but that doesn’t mean it’s true what she’s saying. She doesn’t want to feel guilty or be responsible for the end of her relationship so she is blaming you. If she is in a relationship, it’s her job not to cheat, not other people’s. If they split, it’s because she cheated. She could have cheated with anyone else and it would have still been her fault. Do you see what i’m saying?
The title should be emotionally manipulative girl. It sounds like the girl does not think about or does not care about your feelings (what happens when you make up and break up). She may not be mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Being single I promise is better than being in a relationship that makes you feel rejected and lonely. You don’t need this person to be happy. Learn how to validate and support yourself and try not to resort to alcohol etc. Having a supportive partner who allows you to feel safe and secure is wonderful. I know you’re trying hard, but try harder and move on to someone else who can give you what you need.
It seems as if you are taking the majority of the blame on why the relationship ended. To be honest I am sure there were things that your partner did that contributed to the fallout. Try to think back to those things. Additionally, when someone says that they wanted to be with you, but that they can’t they are not telling the truth. If he wanted to be with you then he would be with you. If he didn’t want to end things then he wouldn’t have ended things. Sometimes when a relationship isn’t healthy or meeting our needs, but we still care for our parter then it’s likely we have on and off feelings about them (i.e. deciding whether to stay or go).
We are not meant to end up with every person we date. The truth is that most people need to go through multiple relationships to learn how to navigate them. Therefore, a lot of relationships serve as lessons on what to do and what not to do. From your message here I can see that you were comparing your partner to your ex boyfriend and kind of putting him on a pedestal. You said you’d be crazy for letting him go, but you still wanted time apart to think about whether you wanted to stay in the relationship. Another thing that I noticed is that you told him that things were okay when they really weren’t. It’s dangerous for a partner to hide their feelings. If you are unsure of your feelings for them, unhappy, or your needs are unmet then that will show regardless of whether you tell them or not. If the relationship is good you should tell your partner and if it’s bad then you should still share that with your partner and see if you can work things out or move on. Still – both people have to be willing to work through these things.
Grieve the relationship. It is gone. You will be better,more free, and happier after some time has passed. You will also come to realize that it takes two people to make a relationship. You can control yourself, but you can’t control what he will decide or how he feels. There are many people who are great for us.
AnnieJanuary 9, 2016 at 1:24 pm in reply to: My ex boyfriend cheated on me with his ex because he still had 'feelings' #91915
I am sorry you’re going through a hard time. I promise that time is the best healer. Try to stay busy and do the things you love. You were okay before you met him and you will be fine in no time. Someone who can just leave you and cheat with another person so easily probably may not be faithful in a long term relationship. The relationship now lacks trust, loyalty, and understanding. Those are all important for a relationship. If someone loves another person, no matter how tempted they are they will still be faithful to their own partner. If you read a lot of articles on cheating, when people cheat they are likely to repeat it. Move on with your life. You will find someone else who is faith – to you and only you. The truth is they may get together, and it hurts right now, but it will heal. It’s better that a friend who would betray a friend gets betrayed. It’s more than likely she is trying to get back at you or is envious of the relationship you had.Neither of these people care about you, let karma take over and you will not be disappointed. He has nothing good to offer, just think that he did you a favor by showing you sooner rather than later what kind of person he was. You are not alone and nothing stays the same, you will get better and the bad feelings will decrease. Take care of yourself and keep yourself busy, spend time with friends you can lean on and trust, and try new things.
Inky – He has become violent because he needs money everyday. He woke up hung over and always slams doors and screams for money. My mother is enabling him. He has loans on a car that he bought. My mother is paying them. He uses excuses everyday, going to the gym etc. to get money. My mother knows exactly what he’s doing and she continues to enable him to keep the “peace” or prevent him from yelling and slamming doors. She will complain to him and yell thinking he will learn. I can not stop her, she thinks he will be in a worse place if he doesn’t get money.
Anita – This has only happened once in front of me. I will do that next time.