It is good you went to find help. Where you are now is trying to heal from this past event. I know nothing of it but the scars are showing in your words. Anger is a good first step forward. If you want to truly move on then one must find forgiveness. Not for the person who hurt you. Forgiveness for yourself. It is one of the hardest things to do. To let go.

Most of us do not live in the world that we desire most. That is called suffering. It is the search to end suffering that leads us to find the truth in the Buddha’s words. Walking the path can free us from suffering. Good luck to you.

Being a father with a young child and the only one who believes in Buddhism in the family, it makes for a difficult time to find refuge in the three jewels of Buddhism. There are no reminders to practice or thoughts to reinforce the Dharma. Learning and growing just goes so slow.

But we live in a time where we have such wonderful devices that can aide us to further our personal growth. Also, we can get to forums where the community helps us. Sangha is important as it reminds us to practice and give effort to that practice. And, others can help us along our path.

I wish you well. Please find your way home. Three things that can not be hidden for very long … The sun, the moon, and the truth.

Dear Leah,

Do not really have good advice about when to stick it thru and when its time to move on. Personally, I stick with my wife thru most things because that is the way I am. But, I can see when two people want different things in their lives it can cause them to separate. Example could be job/career. For me, whatever my wife wanted, I made myself want it too. Supported her. And for me, it worked out. Yes, we do have fights and arguments. But we know that it isnt what defines our relationship. We also forgive each other easier, quickly apologize.

I hope you find someone who says you are worth sticking around. And, will make you happy.

Do you feel isolated from others as well as yourself? That is a shell or wall that separates one from the expression of tears. It is something like a person who sees one’s parents but does not recognized them. One knows who they are but it just does not match. The link is missing. The emotional connection is not there. Of course, I could be wrong??

Immigration visa for a married spouse. If you are a citizen and if this is the one then get married. Then apply for his immigration visa. Before 9-11-2001, this could take up to 6 months to get approval. Now it can take up to three years or more. Covid-19 is also making things take even longer. If he is able to work here and stay for an extended period?? then his story doesn’t make sense to me. But, I do not know everything that is going on here (and maybe you also may not know). After five years living here on a visa, he can apply to become a citizen.

However, I am thinking about what Anita said. She makes very good observations.

Anita,

Sorry, do not mean to unload my problems here. Just looking for inspiration to continue my efforts on practice. It is tough without a teacher and sangha to help along the way. And like you, I do not want to read more books. So, life’s little problems seem to be bigger than they really are. And, yes, you are helping people. Typed words or not. It is the reaching out for human contact. An understanding ear, a verbal pat on the back, encouragement to go on, a second opinion, even sound advice when least desired are all things that help. They provide compassion where it is needed most. Not too many can do that without it taking its toll on oneself. Oh, got to go. Wife is calling me.

Tommy

Anita,

Yes, I started to fall asleep at the keyboard with my hand on the mouse. Must have done it accidentally. You put the idea of nonself into an easy to understand form. I can see there is much I can learn from you.

Tommy