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TommyParticipantBeing a father with a young child and the only one who believes in Buddhism in the family, it makes for a difficult time to find refuge in the three jewels of Buddhism. There are no reminders to practice or thoughts to reinforce the Dharma. Learning and growing just goes so slow.
But we live in a time where we have such wonderful devices that can aide us to further our personal growth. Also, we can get to forums where the community helps us. Sangha is important as it reminds us to practice and give effort to that practice. And, others can help us along our path.
I wish you well. Please find your way home. Three things that can not be hidden for very long … The sun, the moon, and the truth.
TommyParticipantDrugs may at first bring one’s mind to see the possibility of change or different level of consciousness. However, prolonged use deters one’s awareness from continuing to grow. One becomes dependent upon the effects of the drugs. Many who use drugs to find their spirituality often lose it after prolonged use of the drug. The drug provides calm and laziness. While spirituality is a personal struggle with oneself to find ones true nature. Of course, only my opinion.
TommyParticipantDear Leah,
Do not really have good advice about when to stick it thru and when its time to move on. Personally, I stick with my wife thru most things because that is the way I am. But, I can see when two people want different things in their lives it can cause them to separate. Example could be job/career. For me, whatever my wife wanted, I made myself want it too. Supported her. And for me, it worked out. Yes, we do have fights and arguments. But we know that it isnt what defines our relationship. We also forgive each other easier, quickly apologize.
I hope you find someone who says you are worth sticking around. And, will make you happy.
TommyParticipantCan understand being uncertain about a relationship. And the after effects of being broken up. At first one wants the relationship. Then when things get tight and the relationships moves further into the next steps, there is a pull back. Fear or whatever one calls it, it pulls at one’s mental state. It can have real physical effects. The falling out of the bottom of the stomach. An empty feeling that becomes vast and void. Or just pain. Causing a break up. Then regrets fills the void made by the break up. Then day in and day out there is the thoughts of all the good times and all the bad times. Never ending. Whenever there is a moment to reflect, the mind and heart pulls one back to those times. Stuck in a loop.
Where does happiness begin and how do we know it is right? It begins with laughter. And, we never know it is right until time passes by. I married my wife and chose to stick it thru everything (with certain exceptions). Being together means to make that choice and stick with it. Arguments will be plenty. But, so will the good times. As long as there is no abuse (physical or mental) then it is right. There will be struggles. But, the one thing I count on is that we have chosen each other and will be there for each other. Even when we disagree about something. The disagreement is not what the relationship is about. The relationship is separate. Remember to forgive is to forget and move forward. I wish you happiness.
TommyParticipantWhen younger, I use to read the Reader’s Digest. In it was a section called, “Laughter The Best Medicine”. Of all the animals on this earth, there is only one that can laugh. Humans. There is no real rhyme or reason for it. But, it does make one happy. I like to be happy. Thanks for the comments.
TommyParticipantPeter,
You make a valid point. Zen disciples are left with many questions when the answer to a Koan is both yes and no. And it can be also not either yes or no. The point being the answer comes from within oneself when one drops the thinking mind. Yes, to being conscious but also need the thinking mind to make decisions and live this life we have. The difference is as Anita said. To live with compassion and have the wisdom to do what is right. This brings a better world for all of us. The story of the stone or the sound of a bell or even a smack on the forehead is all about giving what is needed to stop this thinking mind and lets us see the truth that surrounds us. Personally, I thinking that I have only fooled myself into believing that the truth is easy to reach for I have been just sitting for many years with only seeing myself and my thoughts setting the boundaries of this life.
Tommy
Story of the smack on the forehead. A monk spoke with the Zen master reciting that the world is an illusion and duality is a false idea. Hearing this, the Zen master smacked the monk on the forehead. And the monk became angry. The Zen master said, if all is illusion then where does this anger come from. Upon hearing these words, the monk became enlightened. I have smacked myself many times but I only get dizzy. No enlightenment.
TommyParticipantDo you feel isolated from others as well as yourself? That is a shell or wall that separates one from the expression of tears. It is something like a person who sees one’s parents but does not recognized them. One knows who they are but it just does not match. The link is missing. The emotional connection is not there. Of course, I could be wrong??
TommyParticipantAnita,
You are kind. I truly do not remember what I was trying to say. Only at the time, it felt like it was an awesome truth. Well, fell flat. And can only think it must be my inherited dementia. In runs in my family on my mother’s side. And, although I got the bald head from my father’s side of the family, I do not think I escaped the silliness that is meant to come to my mind. Still, you have kind words for me and I appreciate it. And, I like the spin you put on it. Compassion really is what makes life better for everyone. Thanks,
Tommy
TommyParticipantImmigration visa for a married spouse. If you are a citizen and if this is the one then get married. Then apply for his immigration visa. Before 9-11-2001, this could take up to 6 months to get approval. Now it can take up to three years or more. Covid-19 is also making things take even longer. If he is able to work here and stay for an extended period?? then his story doesn’t make sense to me. But, I do not know everything that is going on here (and maybe you also may not know). After five years living here on a visa, he can apply to become a citizen.
However, I am thinking about what Anita said. She makes very good observations.
TommyParticipantAnita,
Thanks for words of inspiration. Will try again. Maybe I do have to lose weight and get back into better physical shape.
Tommy
TommyParticipantAnita,
Sorry, do not mean to unload my problems here. Just looking for inspiration to continue my efforts on practice. It is tough without a teacher and sangha to help along the way. And like you, I do not want to read more books. So, life’s little problems seem to be bigger than they really are. And, yes, you are helping people. Typed words or not. It is the reaching out for human contact. An understanding ear, a verbal pat on the back, encouragement to go on, a second opinion, even sound advice when least desired are all things that help. They provide compassion where it is needed most. Not too many can do that without it taking its toll on oneself. Oh, got to go. Wife is calling me.
Tommy
TommyParticipantAnita,
Hi, you do understand. And, you’ve got a sense of humor. Real mouse??? Anyway, I have been slacking off my practice. For many reasons which all seem silly to me now. So, thought I might come here to see if there is any inspiration. Unfortunately, life and its problems have gotten the best of me now. Still, it is good to hear you are here helping people.
Tommy
TommyParticipantAnita,
Yes, I started to fall asleep at the keyboard with my hand on the mouse. Must have done it accidentally. You put the idea of nonself into an easy to understand form. I can see there is much I can learn from you.
Tommy
TommyParticipantAnother element of the concept of nonself might be helpful here.
An assembly of parts, an aggregate of stuff, all put together to create what we call ourselves. Take it all apart and what we thought was ourselves, it no longer exists. I call myself Tommy. But that is just the name of the nonself created thru this feedback loop that is my body. When death comes, Tommy will no longer be. What was here before Tommy will be here after Tommy. That is Buddha nature. Many of these experiences I have had are simply steps along the way. Some become traps because I wish to linger there. Wish to recapture the bliss and feelings of being part of the whole. And so the experiences fade with time, without practice. I know it is selfish to want to feel happy and joy but still I want it. I suffer the ills and pains from such activities. That is life.
TommyParticipantAnita,
Okay, now I am thinking you do know more than me. You’re just being nice. These things I said here are just the basics. And, it has always been my belief that the basics are what everything else is built upon. Anyway, I wish you the best on your journey.
Tommy
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 