Csaba,

Did you see my response?  I am curious if you have any thoughts about that?

Molly,

It sounds that you are in a slump of being unhappy and sad.  You want to shift out of that feeling.

I just heard a podcast that interviewed Bernie Roth who wrote The Achievement Habit.  The Science of Success is the particular podcast I listened to.  He talks about needing to solve the right problem.  He talks about reframing the problem. Ask yourself what it would do for you if you solved the problem?

You stated that your problem is not having a boyfriend is the cause of your sadness.  Using this technique, say that if you solved the problem of having a boyfriend then what would it do for you?   You may still be sad.  The problem is not not having a boyfriend.  The problem is sadness.  There are many different approaches in addressing sadness.  Make sense?

I suggest doing regular exercise. Something everyday or every other day.  It does not have to be a big thing.  It could be a 15 minute walk, in Nature if possible.

Writing a daily gratitude journal will help as well.  You have done a good job here to acknowledge the good things in your life. Looking at the good things daily and writing them down will help.

Meditation is also a useful practice in being with yourself and accepting what is. If you are sad and sitting with that sadness and not try to judge it or push it away, it becomes better.

Mark

Jacko,

I read a lot of negative self-judgement.  I suggest that in order to start shifting your life is to watch your words about yourself (and others) like labeling yourself as lazy. Focus on what is good about you and your life and build from that.

Check out The Achievement Habit by Bernie Roth.  He gives simple, prescriptive things to do to shift things in your life.

I suggest you start meditating and do some regular physical exercise.  Both are tools that proven to help with depression.  Meditation can help calm an active mind which will help with ADHD.

These are not immediate fixes but it’ll help with your life.

Mark

Csaba,

There is an underlying reason why you want to be with such women.  My guess is that you don’t want a long term relationship for there is a fear of intimacy.  If you are with a “good” girl then there is no reason to leave.  There is a part of you that fears to have a close relationship.

You say you want a caring, giving woman.  Are you such a person yourself?  Are you a good communicator, loyal and good with children?

Are you a fixer?  Do you want such “bad” girls because you want to fix them?

Mark

ImJWL,

It seems that you are getting emotionally tied to this man since you have anxiety about him not keeping in contact with you. I caution about the dangers of jumping into a sexual relationship with “no strings attached.”  Women especially tend to get more emotionally involved with their sexual partners than with men.  It’s a biological fact.

With that said, it may be a good thing to have sex buddy to feel good about yourself as long as you know that this guy is not the person to go to as another life partner.  He is a Mr. Transition guy.

Watch Out For Being The “Transitional” Lover!

Of course, the common wisdom is to  learn to be back on your own again. Learn to love yourself, to have your own life and be OK to be by yourself without needing to have a partner to do things with, to validate you, and as a distraction.

It’s good that you have a therapist who can help you along in your emotional healing.

Mark

Funny you mentioned Nike.  I worked there and found that the most stressful job I ever worked in my 40 years.

If you are in your 20s then I recommend to continue to explore what you gives you the “juice” to be engaged in life and the world around you.  If you don’t know then take classes, adult ed things, volunteer to get out of your head and self centered life.

Make sense?

Mark

Kay,

If you don’t want random sex then don’t continue doing what you are doing.

I would try to make friends instead.  Make sense?

If you find yourself getting pressured for sex from your online encounters then look to other ways of meeting people like MeetUp groups, clubs, classes, etc.

Mark