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Mark

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Viewing 15 posts - 511 through 525 (of 1,111 total)
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  • January 3, 2019 at 5:16 pm in reply to: Separated headed for divorce #272165
    Mark
    Participant

    ImJWL

    I think that dating is a way of distracting yourself from your marriage.  You only been separated for 2 months?

    If you approach to this dating as that then go for it.  Have sex.  Be with guys and enjoy yourself.  Plus make sure you have safe sex.

    Be sure to be honest to let them know that you are still married though.  I would caution to get emotionally involved for it is too soon to do that especially since you are still married.

     

    Mark

    January 3, 2019 at 5:05 pm in reply to: I'm crushed and spinning out #272163
    Mark
    Participant

    You are struggling to let this guy go.

    Do you have a friend who can hold your hand to make sure you take care of yourself?

    Kick him out.  Give him the written notice.  Love yourself.  It’s not your problem if he has to live in his car.

    Avoid the self talk of calling yourself being too broken and defective.

    Can you kick him out?  Make that first step to take care of yourself.

    Mark

    January 2, 2019 at 8:05 pm in reply to: Sex and relationships #272065
    Mark
    Participant

    Kay,

    Some observations from your post:
    You got raped when the first man forced himself on you.
    When you had him over your place, it seemed like he had non-consenual sex with you again.
    So your first experiences with sex were negative. Not pleasurable and literally forced on you.

    First I would get yourself checked to see if you contracted any STIs.
    Second, you might want to try just to have regular friendships instead looking for a sexual lover. It sounds like having any sort of relationship is a challenge for you. I would think sex is the last thing you “need” in your life right now.
    Make sense?

    Questions: Which culture, religion were you raised in? and kind of childhood have you had?
    Mark

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Mark.
    January 2, 2019 at 4:41 pm in reply to: Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up #272055
    Mark
    Participant

    One definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.

    January 2, 2019 at 4:33 pm in reply to: I'm crushed and spinning out #272053
    Mark
    Participant

    Manda,

    How can you stop spinning in circles?

    How about kicking him out immediately?  I cannot see how you can think straight when you have a lying, cheating, unrepentant man living with you.  It’s his problem to find alternate living options.

    Change the locks.  Cut off all contact with him: social media, calls, texts, email, etc.

    You may you think you love him but you need to love yourself first.  Give yourself some respect and dignity.  You can love him from afar, from arms length but if you respect yourself then kick him out of your life in order to heal.

    You can be angry, confused, disgusted, and all of those other emotions but you need to take care of yourself.

    Mark

     

    January 2, 2019 at 4:15 pm in reply to: Childhood friend is becoming a source of extreme anger #272051
    Mark
    Participant

    Amanda M.,

    So the bottom line is that your husband’s best friend Matt and your best friend Cassie have changed their behavior toward you two so that you no longer want to be friends with either of them?  Does your husband think the same way?

    I too have just separated myself from my guy friend of 15 plus years after experiencing aspects of his behavior and the behavior of his wife of one year.  I want to live my life where I have people who are close to me that I trust, who are kind and authentic.

    Holding onto anger is understandable since this probably feels like a betrayal to you.   You said this anger has been going on for you for two years.  I can understand that it is harder to let go if they are still in the same friends’ group.

    My strategy is to cut off, avoid and distance myself from anyone I care not to be around anymore.  You don’t have to be with anyone who you don’t trust or gives you distress.  You husband may choose differently but you need not put yourself in situations that stresses you out and gets you angry.

    You may want to write an angry letter to Cassie and pour out all your thoughts of betrayal, etc. and then burn it in a release ceremony.  This may be one way that will help you move on along with no more contact with her/him.

    Mark

     

    January 1, 2019 at 7:03 pm in reply to: Childhood friend is becoming a source of extreme anger #271945
    Mark
    Participant

    Let’s see if read your post correctly, you are mad at Cassie for trying to stay at your house during your rehearsal dinner.  You are mad at Cassie who for not giving a speech either.  You pushed aside some things that Cassie said about you and your husband Matt.  You never heard from Cassie before you left for Peru even though she was in town.  You did not hear that she was moving across country and had to find out from your husband’s friend.

    Is that it?  I don’t understand.

    You said that Cassie and Matt has shifted your friends’ group and your life.  I did not read anything in your post about them doing that.

    If you want to make things right is 1) apologize for gossiping about others with Cassie.  Did you bad mouth about Matt to her? 2) Let go of your resentment of Cassie not keeping in touch with you.  For whatever reason, she is not doing that.  You have expectations on what a best friend should and should not do.  Cassie apparently does not meet that criteria anymore.  Move on.

    Mark

     

    January 1, 2019 at 12:59 am in reply to: help #271759
    Mark
    Participant

    The best way of dealing with any emotions, especially strong, negative emotions is to sit with them.  I find that extremely hard but to stay with them and not try to push them away is the best way of handling them.

    They will go away but not by distracting yourself from them but to really make friends with them, to feel them deep and sit with them.  Allow them to be with you and eventually they will dissipate.

    Mark

    January 1, 2019 at 12:47 am in reply to: He told me he’s an addict, do I leave or stay? #271757
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi hopeful, You want advice on a speedy recovery?  Block him on social media, phone, email, text, and everything else.

    Go find something to focus on, whether working out, take up knitting, lessons in ballroom dancing, sign up for an art class, meditate, MeetUp groups, .. whatever.

    Stop posting about him and write out your new life in your journal.

    That is what you can do to move forward.

    Mark

    December 31, 2018 at 6:22 pm in reply to: Please help me.. please give me some advice, i don't know what to do anymore.. #271729
    Mark
    Participant

    Agnes1205,

    What I learned is that we can write our own story.  If we think or say it’s bad then we can only perceive things to be bad.

    It seems that you don’t want that else you would not want to be on this site.

    Tell us what is good about your life.  This woman is in your past now.  Today is your present.

    You can start anew.  You can focus on things that are positive.  Start a gratitude journal.  Share that with us.

    Mark

    December 31, 2018 at 12:07 pm in reply to: help #271687
    Mark
    Participant

    Look at what people do more than what they say. If he lies to someone else then he would lie to anyone else.

    Look at how the person treats others.

     

    Mark

     

    December 31, 2018 at 8:12 am in reply to: help #271651
    Mark
    Participant

    Jenni,

    You’ve had a bad experience with this guy, twice.

    You asked how to feel better about this.

    I use bad experiences as learning opprtunities.

    All yourself what have you learned about yourself from this and what do you want to change.

     

    Mark

    December 30, 2018 at 6:19 pm in reply to: Struggling to Be A Good Support #271553
    Mark
    Participant

    Maria Mango,

    I have learned that living my life as a collection of what I should do/be does not serve me to live a healthy, conscious and happy life.  Shoulds are constructs imposed upon us from the outside, from others, from society, from tradition, etc.  It is something that may or may NOT fit us, who we are, who we want to be.  Being a stalwart supporting and caring partner by sacrificing our own happiness, peace of mind, mental and physical health is not a “should” that I would embrace.

    Mark

    December 30, 2018 at 6:13 pm in reply to: Stuck on repeat #271551
    Mark
    Participant

    Wanderer,

    I wonder what else have you done to address this issue besides taking a hiatus from dating.  What things have you done to “focus on myself”?

    You are asking for practical methods?  Have you tried therapy? Have you tried having platonic friendships with women?

    Mark

    December 30, 2018 at 3:17 pm in reply to: How to be more accepting of people that I have a strained relationship with? #271549
    Mark
    Participant

    want_to_be_ …

    You mentioned that your feud with your MIL has been over a decade.

    You did not specify what kinds of behaviors of your MIL exhibits.  What are those triggers?  What are the boundaries that you have put in place?

    Mark

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