Mathilde-S,

It sounds like you value the regular and frequent communication with someone you are in romantic relationship with.  I do too.  That is what I really like about having a romantic partner, i.e. checking in regularly and frequently in order to share our day.

There is a saying: Expectations are premeditated resentments.  You are expecting your boyfriend to behave a certain way.  He is disappointing you because he is not behaving the way you expect or want.  I believe that we can only do two things with people we want to behave differently; make a request for that specific behavior (“Darling, I really value keeping in contact with you and would want you to text me daily to check in. I would feel much better about our relationship if you did.  Would you do that for me?”) and/or accept that is the way he is.

Mark

Opal,
I agree with what anita has said.

I use two criteria when I make life decisions: Am I coming from Love or from Fear? AND Will I regret this when I die?

You mention about being so scared.  What are you fearing?  His response when you tell him you are leaving?  Your life after him?  Or … ?

I suggest first make a decision on leaving then figure out the way how.  It seems you have not firmly decided yet.  Do that first.  Then the rest are a matter of practical steps to determine and implement.

Mark

BookWorm,

I can relate with you.  When I was in an emotionally sterile marriage, I connected online with a woman who was all those things that my wife was not.  I never met her.  I knew that I needed to divorce in order to fully move on with my life and find an in-person fulfilling relationship.  That was what I did.

How to let go?  Stop anymore contact.  Divorce. Find a therapist.  Get out and find activities that are fun and nurturing.  Make platonic friends.  Then when you are out of the marriage long enough, when you are healed, when you are emotionally healthy, when you are living a healthy life THEN you can start dating.

Mark

Lisa,

On your recent trip, you did not really have a conversation with him (moody and standoffish) Him asking the same question over and over again and requested to stay in touch via FB.

Once you got back to The States, he copied-stalked you on FB.

After you blocked him, he sent you email after not talking/texting/emailing/seeing you inviting you to a Xmas party.

My question to you is that why do you want to be in touch with this guy? You don’t really know him. What is his appeal to you?

Mark

Airene,

Living a life of “shoulds” is hard.  I have been working letting go a lifetime of shoulds for decades.  This is a lifelong process of awareness and courage.  I see every decision on living my life would be best to come from love rather than from fear or a “should.”  I need to question my “shoulds” and see if it truly fits me or not.

It sounds like you are at a crossroads of having the freedom and flexibility to do more of what you want.  Do you know what you want?

Mark

LinLin,

Good for you for practicing pausing and mindfulness.  You may want to include your boyfriend in your process by letting him know what you are practicing with him.

Here are some techniques to try: https://www.mindful.org/get-good-pause/

Mark

unworthy,

Good for you for taking charge with caring for yourself with your diet and exercise and way of thinking.

I would be aware of how you label yourself (e.g. “unworthy”) for words are powerful especially how we program our unconsciousness.

A suggestion with your daughter is to be the parent, i.e. draw lines on what is acceptable behavior with you, set boundaries.  You can stop being sorry but can communicate that you are doing the best you can in caring for her, that you will not tolerate being disrespected by her, that you will not war with her father especially in spreading falsehoods like he or the step mum are doing.

You can tell her that even though her father is openly disrespectful in front of you and her, that you will not do the same with him since that is not right.  Plus you can speak up for yourself whenever your ex does that.  Even if he ignores your request of not saying such things, at least you have shown that you have boundaries which is good role modeling for your daughter.

Again, acknowledge what you have done right for yourself and that you are doing the best you can with integrity (as oppose to what your ex and the step are doing).

Mark

Irene,

You ended something that just started from one meeting.

Five months later you started back up with him but he “ended it” by not showing up/ghosting.

Another five months later,  he contacted you and you lied to him about your feelings for him.

Still later, you contacted him by telling him the truth.

He responded by saying he wanted to make a go of it and wanted to meet.

Now you have not heard from him and you communicated that you want to end it because of his “lack of communication.”

Looks like neither of you know what you wanted or know how to communicate honestly.

You have lied to him on how you feel.  He has passively aggressively not met or stayed in touch.

All this behavior from one meeting from almost a year ago???

I would work on yourself to learn to be honest, forthright and not reactive in your own communication.

Mark