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MarkParticipantJustin,
1. Your thoughts are super negative
2. You feel pretty alone
3. You are taking care of yourself by eating right, working out, sleeping and meditating
You said that everything you enjoy supports your ego, that you just want to relax and stay comfortable in your current life.
You also said you want to do something more, that you are sick of “this,” etc.
I am confused. If you have super negative thoughts and feeling alone then how are you comfortable in your current life?
What do you enjoy?
What are you sick of? What makes you believe that you are not in the right place?
Mark
MarkParticipantWow Nicole,
Examine what you said here. If someone has an adverse response to your fill-in-the-blank here then you will never want to do that again.
Your life is now dictated by how people respond to you.
You can either avoid everything/everyone in life or work on yourself to knowing that 1) you come with good intentions, 2) that you do the best you can, 3) it is always the other person’s stuff that causes them to respond/react. It is up to them in how they decide to respond.
Mark
MarkParticipantBeing stuck in a job that drains you? I can relate Jerry.
How to move into something that you enjoy? Good question.
Check into what Side Hustle is.
Despite not having energy to do much after your job, this is essential if you want to do something with your life rather than end up at the end of your life looking back and wondering what sort of life you actually did live. Plus you need to set an example for your children rather than sticking to something that drains you.
I don’t know if there is a magic formula to create an economically sustainable job of passion but you have to start with the first step to *something.* A hobby that may (or may not) turn into something that can eventually replace your current job or supplement it. The thing is you have to first start with something of interest and nurture that. If nothing else, an activity that emotionally is satisfying.
Mark
MarkParticipantTristan,
Since you two are in different states, that he has no interest in talking with you (shutting down) and that he does not seem mature enough to communicate about relationships (ex. you talking to a close mutual friend and his reaction), I would guess that he should stay as a friend.
Mark
April 2, 2018 at 11:00 am in reply to: Long-term boyfriend and I not on the same page with settling down #200545MarkParticipantdreaming715,
As a man who married at 28 after living with my wife beforehand, I learned several things…
1. I would not live with someone before marriage again. Living together is a half commitment. Marriage is a full commitment.
2. There has to be an alignment of lifestyle and life goals. Being married does not change that.
It looks like your lifestyle is different. You have not talked about your life goals like kids. You mentioned about so much of the world to experience and see. What are those things? I assume that your boyfriend is not interested in those same things?
Mark
MarkParticipantEve,
It sounds like you are still learning how to have close relationships and to communicate. It seems to me that this is something that needs to be learned and fostered regardless it is with your ex or not. People we draw into our lives are mirrors to us and it is up to us to open our eyes and let go of our ego and learn from our interactions with them.
It IS hard not to have someone that “gets” you especially if you lost that one person. I sometimes yearn for that for I work on being transparent and vulnerable so I can connect deeply with those around me.
There are very few who do “get” me but realistically it is more about being with others who are sensitive, empathetic, non-judgmental, understanding and loving. I think it is more about having those qualities than really knowing who I am. In fact I believe that people having those qualities then they would really know who I am and anyone else.
I have no advice on whether or not you should get back to him. I believe that if you want to co-create close and loving relationships then be that for yourself and for others. It does not have anything to do with being romantic.
That’s my Two Cents.
Mark
MarkParticipantHi Audrey,
Great idea! Thanks for sharing your dream here. Your project reminds me of this couple who passed through Portland, Oregon http://www.americanbearfilm.com/.
I think it is great to foster meaningful and authentic conversations. That is my passion to do so with people around me.
I wish you well on your amazing journey!
Metta,
MarkMarkParticipantEve,
You are hurting. You are grieving. You are missing the person that did not have the messy and button pushing and annoying characteristics that you did not like when you lived with him. It is easy to idealize someone when you don’t have to see him everyday under the same roof.
I would think since you two cannot actually be together physically then the “what if?” is academic. Look to make yourself happy and grow from the experience where you are now. Figure out what was your part in the reason why you two broke up. Figure out what things that did not make it work with him. Grow from that.
Mark
MarkParticipantForgiveness is something for yourself not for him. The anger eats you up. I don’t see a rush for forgiveness for you need to be able to sit with it in order to let it go. That may take a long time. Taking action also helps.
MarkParticipantAnn,
You said it, “I wish I weren’t so dependent on men’s approval for validation.” What are you doing to address this?
How are you loving yourself? Are you getting out to have fun with yourself, with your friends, with a group and not having an agenda of trying to find a boyfriend?
Advice on dating? Stop dating and keep focusing on the answers to my questions.
Mark
MarkParticipanttori,
He has left you twice with no communication/explanation or warning. This is not a person to have a close relationship with.
Why do you want someone like that back? This is not someone who you can build a life with. You cannot trust him. He does not have his act together. He is unreliable, untrustworthy and cannot communicate.
Would you tell your best friend to stay with someone like that?
Mark
MarkParticipantGood for you Jen. You have struggled with this relationship for a long time. You have thought about it and processed a lot around it.
You have made your decision based on such long and thoughtful consideration. Each of you made your decision.
Best to you for sticking with your decision and for the well being that comes with that decision.
Mark
MarkParticipantFeeling trapped in a marriage because of economics and/or kids is unfortunately all too common athena.
I have a strong opinion that the answer to a bad marriage is not running to another guy.
If you really are convinced that your marriage is over then take steps in leaving him. Staying together for the sake of the children is not a great reason.
Your children learn by example. What kind of example are you setting for them? To be miserable in a bad marriage? Not to be self sufficient? To be depressed? To show your children that life is horrible?
Mark
MarkParticipantJenn,
Congratulations on working so hard in getting your degree, waitressing, and making the switch and putting yourself through cosmetology school. It must have been so rough considering how much your family went through with such losses.
I know honesty is so hard for people for reasons of shame and other things. You might want to check out Bene’ Brown’s writings or TED talk around vulnerability and shame.
How to Move Let Go of the Fear of Judgment and Break the Silence of Shame
Part of being an adult is to have an adult conversation with your intimate, romantic partner about such hard things don’t you think? You may want to start out the conversation is to tell him it is hard for you to have this talk.
Good luck,
MarkMarch 21, 2018 at 6:11 pm in reply to: Sick of my life. So boring and predictable. It's stupid, I'm just another noone. #198717MarkParticipantAndrew,
If you could do anything in the world without restrictions of money and place, what would you do?
You have went to great lengths on describing what you hate. What do you like? Even a little bit?
Make it your mission to find and focus on those things/activities/people that you do like and enjoy no matter how small it may be.
Be persistent and practice those things. Keep building on them.
Mark
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