Ash,

I agree with anita about not needing to heal completely in order to be in relationship again.  I believe it is through relationships we learn the most of ourselves and get a chance to heal through our interactions.  We get challenged.  We have opportunity for more self awareness.  We get to practice healthier behaviors and do something different this time around.

But first and foremost we need to develop our inner resources so that we can go back out into the world without inflicting upon ourselves harm that we are not quite strong enough to withstand.  This is self love, developing a support safety net of people, and ways of nurturing ourselves, strengthening our emotional resiliency, bringing awareness to what is healthy and what is not like having boundaries.

Best,
Mark

Samantha,

Are you concerned if he is lying to you or not?  Or do you care more if he is drinking?  Or that you want him to weigh less?

My take is that it does not matter whether he loses weight or not if you like him the way he is now.  Or whether he is drinking less because you didn’t mind his drinking in the first place.

BUT if you do mind that he is heavy or if you do mind that he drinks a lot then that’s another issue.

Mark

Jenny Lynn,

Good to hear that his temper has changed for the better.  I tend to be skeptical when someone changes behavior as an adult for I see that as part of someone’s personality and long practiced behavior.  I see any changes like that as temporary but that’s me and been proven wrong before.

Yes of course he needs to understand for proper discussions but how old is he?  Again I don’t see that happening as an adult for this is part of him and it would take very concerted, long term effort to effect a change that lasts in my opinion.

It sounds like his controlling and jealous behavior is something you decided you will not tolerate (line in the sand).  Good for you for knowing your boundaries.

Mark.

gj,

You might want to find a mentor and/or someone to coach you to answer the questions that you are too afraid to ask.  Find someone you feel comfortable with and talk to them.

Good luck,
Mark

Alissa,

I know the people at my vet’s place are very kind and caring.  They may not be able to stay long with you but it cannot hurt to ask them to hold you hand for a bit and give you some comfort.  You may want to ask her if she have any suggestions on how you can get through this.  There is a pet hospital here that has a pet grieving support group.  You might want to check into that as well.

Mark

Thank you for sharing that Ash.

I wish you well in addressing those deeper issues so you can heal and live a fuller life.

I would think you would need to heal a bit more before venturing out into having another relationship with a man.

Best to you,
Mark

Abhi09,

You wrote about what you don’t like but you don’t mention anything you do like.  Is there anything about your job that you like?  that you do well in?

Plus you don’t say about what you really want to do.  If you can do anything, what would it be?  What is something that engages you?

Answer these questions and they will point to what you can focus on while at work and what you can start planning on where to go next.

Mark