Racheal,

Numbing is a protective mechanism.  You cannot feel pain that way.  If you shut that part of you down then you cannot feel joy as well.

I realized that recently.  As much as try to mindfully engage with the world around me, to get in touch with my joy, there is a part of me that is still not participating.  I decided to focus on opening my 2nd Chakra where my passion, creativity and sexuality resides to address this issue.

As much as I have worked on being vulnerable and open, especially with people, I know there is a part of me that expects to be hurt or abandoned and therefore there is a shield that is preventing me from feeling fully, to fully let go and allow pain and pleasure.  This is an unconscious belief that is running that part.

I am not depressed.  I just have this life long underlying protective mechanism to keep me from seeing all the colors of life.  They are muted.

This may or may not fit you, your situation, background.

Mark

Wow.. what a punch in the gut Louise.

What red flags from your story that shows up for me are:

1. You are still with another guy when you started dating, i.e. no clean break in living separately

2. This other guy has had two failed marriages with kids with each wife

3.  He came in hard and fast with the driving long distances to be with you, the money he spent on you and wanting to marry you/living together

4. This was a very short period of time.  You said you met him in September of 2017?  So all of this transpired in less than 6 months

5. Something happened that involved Social Services so he cannot be with his kid alone

He *may* have loved you but as you know love shows up in different ways, is not always forever, and is usually conditional.

You have experienced a classic whirlwind romance and breakup.  I wish you grace and gentle healing through this grief stage.

Mark

Corticality,

You wrote:

Her father is the one who makes all the decisions in her family and both my ex and her brother are working in his business…

[She] started questioning my choice of career…

She told me she doesn’t want to leave her family because she understands family as a larger concept. And that her feelings for me are gone.

“oh god, it’s you. I am not interested in what you want to say, leave me alone!”

So what is obvious is that…

1) she is not going to listen to you over her father/family

2) she wants no part of you anymore

You want to know how to calm yourself?  Move on.  Let go. Allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship.  There is nothing to “fight” for here.

Respect her decision.  You can take your time with her as learning experiences to apply to the next relationship.

Mark

Chris,

I have no clue to how do you know have Inner Peace.  My guess is that if you still wondering then you don’t have Inner Peace.

But as they say, it’s the journey not the destination.  So don’t focus so much on achieving Inner Peace but just focus on your life.

Mark

Ally,

I find a good practice is to highlight and make note of those times when I do feel good/happy/safe.  A gratitude journal is a good way of making that explicit.  Whenever you are moving through the day, you can just check in with yourself and notice how you are feeling.  When you are feeling good/happy/safe, you can smile to yourself and pat yourself on the back.

Mark

You are welcome Ann-Marie.  Great about you being in yoga.  I am not a practitioner but I understand it not only helps you physically but also emotionally sometimes.  When people move into and hold those poses, it unlocks muscle memory of held emotions.  Sounds like good healing all around.

Keep us up-to-date on how things go for you.

Mark

Juan,

Do you have an explicit agreement of exclusivity?  Have you talked about respecting the relationship by not flirting with others either online or in person?

It may be worth a sit down conversation on what you like to see in a committed relationship, e.g. no porn or keeping in touch with ex girlfriends or flirting with other girls or being on dating websites/apps…  whatever it is.

This way he would know what your want from him and from the relationship and visa versa.

Mark

Lily,

Good insight Lily!  I always think it is better to focus on the Present and look toward the Future for where you want to be/go.

Your childhood and Past is an old story.  We have the gift of the Present to write our own story.

It is good to know how you became the way you are from examining the Past.  You can apply that knowledge for the Present to heal those wounds and address those beliefs that do not serve you any longer.

Mark