Dear Villagetunic.

No one can control what others think about us. That said the inner critic/ego often masquerades/ mimics these people.

If you have done your best in any situation then you have done your best end of.

This quote has been my touchstone of late

“Any action done out of pure intent to bring joy or relieve suffering is never lost, even if the immediate outcome is not what we want and even if it is the opposite.

The book I am reading is Inside-Out Healing by Dr Richard Moss this has helped with my perception of the stories I tell myself.

Robeta

Dear Antakarla

It is quite a common thing to misname someone, I guess I have to ask you, the names you used, are they people actually n your life. I have 3 friends called Stuart, Sandy & Struan and I am often interchanging their names or doing a combo of the names.  When my children were young I had my 2 nephews also living with me and I had to call all four into the room and then point at the one I wanted to give an instruction/ information to/from. I still get my sons name mixed up 30+ years on. I think it may be a genetic thing as my grandmother did it to me and her grandaughter whose name began and ended with the same as mine.

If one feels loved & secure in a relationship it should not be a problem, but if there are other issues this verbal hiccup can add to the feelings of rejection.

Dear Cosmo

I hope you don’t mind me asking a couple of questions.

How were you feeling about your relationship just before you cheated? ie bored, frustrated, afraid of commitment etc

Was alcohol involved?

Were they 1 nightstands or something a bit more?

I suggest you look into the difference between remorse & guilt.  You could also make a commitment to yourself to be celibate for say 6 months to give you time to investigate & reflect on what kind of relationship truly reflects your core values beliefs.

Roberta

Dear ManagoFandango

I am sorry that you are suffering from workplace harassment. Anita has already come up with some excellent suggestions.

I only have one other. Does your workplace or your style of job have a union? if so you could join it and then when you have compiled your dossier on bullying your union rep could be there when you present it .

Roberta

Hi Paradoxy

I guess when someone demands something it makes it harder to say no in the moment.  I remember I saw a friend in the street loading her car up with empty wine bottles to take to the recycling and she said “don’t tell anyone” – shes an alcoholic. My reply was I don’t do secrets as that just adds a level of fear to the problem.

Yes B has had a very different upbringing, where ethical standards were definitely not the norm. I do not know if she can or will  make the decision to permanently change the way she is living her life.

I hope that you find an uncomplicated person to share your life with.

Hi Tania

Quite a lot of people do not know what to say or how to comfort anyone who is grieving and therefore keep their distance from that person.  Also the main person in your life (husband) has reservations about this friendship. So you would have a double whammy.

I am guessing that Dona is missing you and is hurting from losing not only her husband but her childhood best friend, hence the defensive attack on you in cyberspace.

Does Dona have children, if not she may not appreciate the time & effort it takes to look after  a young child?  also she was like a sister to you and then may long for a role as surrogate aunty.  We all are complex creatures  who need love & understanding.

Dear Jessy

Well he took the initiative by contacting you after two years and then took a risk in sending you a suggestive text.

Dear ParadoxMusic

I am sorry that other peoples lives that you have encountered shows a negative view of woman’s actions especially in divorce & money. So I give you a little bit of my story to show a different picture. When my husband & I split up I left the area and did not want the family home to be sold so that there would be space for the children to visit their father, he was given unlimited access to the children (which he did not take up  frequently)I paid travel costs every other time even though I did not have too plus would return part of maintenance for the days that he did actually have the children. I did not liquidate my 1/9 th share of the company & my parents did not insist on my husbands outstanding loan to be repaid . My husband was worth approx 3/4 of million all I requested £45,000 as a divorce settlement + £250 pm for the children.

Please consciously choose to look for positive inputs into your life. I wish you all the best with your exams and that you will be able to balance the career path that your parents wish for you with things & people that uplift you & bring you peace & joy.