Hi Anita

I’m glad to see that you have returned from urgent care.

“Did it really happen?” suggests that it didn’t happen, which in turn suggests that I’m lying. It may not be your intent to suggest this, but these connotations are a direct result of the phrasing and language used.

Please feel free to reply, if desired.

There are community guidelines for this forum which recommend that we create a positive and respectful environment. For the most part, people largely follow these rules, yourself included. As a long time member, other members frequently mistake you for the creator of the site, or at least a moderator. I seem to remember that you explained that this was not the case. However, that doesn’t mean that people don’t respect you or that your words don’t hold a tremendous amount of weight as a long standing member of the community. Quite the opposite is true in fact.

You have helped a lot of people and you can be very kind. But sometimes you treat an occasional member of this community with disrespect, as you have done in the quote above.

I stopped commenting on your disrespectful comments to other members since 3rd Sept, I decided to only report and that I would not clarify why unless you ask for an explanation.

Regarding September 11th, I replied to the original poster who purported that her abusive partner was abusing her because of his bipolar condition. This statement was offensive to the many, many people with bipolar who aren’t violent and don’t abuse their partners.

I did report your later comment which suggested that an individual with bipolar or schizophrenia could snap and kill someone for the same reason.

If I say something inappropriate, I welcome criticism. As I have previously mentioned, I can be lacking in emotional intelligence at times due to a learning difficulty.

I’m curious about the issues you have with my comments that highlighted disrespect present in your comments? I apologise if they disrupted your feelings of peace and safety. I did my utmost to be respectful while making you aware of behaviour that you might not have realised was disrespectful.

If you wish to return to ignoring me again, that is your decision. Personally, I would prefer to discuss and resolve issues.

Hi Anita

We haven’t discussed that much, only less intense topics or subjects that I have previously discussed with my therapist. I have experienced multiple severe traumas in my life. This is why I have a C-PTSD diagnosis. I am less willing to discuss more traumatic incidents, I think that is understandable considering that many of these events are triggers. This conversation has been triggering for me.

You might have good intentions when you question people asking them if things really happened, but it is hurtful. It’s very similar to accusing them of lying. I would suggest you stop asking this question on the forum. It is understandable that you have concerns about truth on an anonymous forum, but it isn’t helpful to share that.

I have experienced issues with feeling powerless. I felt powerless as a child and at times as an adult. When I was raped, I felt powerless. When I was unable to walk for 6 months and felt like I was dying due to health issues, I felt powerless. I hated and blamed myself for being powerless. I did learn to stop hating myself for that though. What is an interesting pattern is that these were all times in my life that I felt suicidal.

I would say that to some extent pain does elicit feelings of powerlessness as I don’t have control over it. I have anxiety with situations that I am uncertain of what the outcome will be. A type of powerlessness perhaps? It doesn’t carry the same intensity of emotion though.

I don’t know how to make peace with feelings of powerlessness. For me, it is intrinsically tied  to severe trauma. It would be like, forgive the hyperbole “accepting the feeling of being raped”.

As always, thank you for your kindness. You have given me a lot to think about.

Wishing you good health and peace! Please let me know about how your trip to urgent care goes. I don’t need any details. I would just like to know if and when you are safe. 🙏

Hi Anita

There is no rush! Please don’t worry.

I have been managing to control ruminating on my worries for the past couple of days. But I’m learning there is more to anxiety than worried thoughts.

So far, I see three elements to anxiety. Rumination on thoughts, the emotion existing with the body and situations that act as triggers for anxiety.

Behind each situation, there is a worry. The scheduling conflict caused me to be concerned about the impact on another coworker. The job interview caused me to question my ability. Did I do a good enough job?

I read an article that mentioned victim language and power language.

Here is the result of my changing the language.

If my coworker is upset, it is a result ofmy supervisor’s decision making. It’s not my fault. Perhaps my coworker won’t even be upset, perhaps she will be understanding.

I just have to wait and see what comes of the interview. The interviewer said that I did a good job answering the questions. The previous interviewer said that I did a good job too. I could  see an interview coach for some advice.