Hi Bob!

It sounds like you’re doing some good work. That you’re willing to confront these emotions speaks for itself.

I find that emotions and thoughts are linked. If you know of the topic that the emotion is linked to it can be easier to root out. When I’m avoiding my emotions, I find that acknowledging the cause is helpful. Then I comfort myself and tell myself it is okay to feel this way.

I hope this helps!

I have some additional thoughts on the topic of letting emotions go. Buddhism has some interesting ideas about it.

One recommendation that I found helpful was to focus on the feeling and sensations of emotions in the body and relax. Their belief is that only the original thought linked to the emotion matters. Rumination aka any thoughts following are considered to be unimportant, not useful or even false.

I’m curious to hear your thoughts.

Hi Ivy!

Lovely to see you again! Judgement free zone here.

Can I ask why you stole $60 at school? What did you think would happen?

Something for you to think over… What do you think happens as an adult in the outside world if you steal money?

I think people constantly remind you of things because you don’t seem to understand consequences. They actually went really easy on you because of your conditions.

Perhaps they don’t think you’re the worst person ever? Perhaps they are just afraid that you will do something that you don’t really understand the consequences of. You are quickly becoming an adult and adults are not given the same benefit of doubt that children are. In society, adults can be harshly punished for behaviours that are accepted as children. I can understand why they are afraid for you. They want you to have a safe and happy life.

I remember that you showed me a rough draft and it was very charming. I think practicing as you have been works well. To me, you already know how to make a good story so just keep at it!

Hi Zaredkhan

I’m sorry to hear that you hurt your leg (I hope it gets better soon), your father was mean to you, you had computer troubles and you are having difficulties with studying for your exam. It’s a lot to happen in a short space of time .

The following I’m saying not to compare our difficulties. But to acknowledge that this is the reality of what life is like.

I’m in a similar situation to you. Studying for an exam. At the same time my sister has gone into homeless accommodation (I am her carer), there have been issues with her supported accommodation and we are trying to set up a care plan for her, my supervisor had to take leave because of an emergency (I will be covering her classes) and I have to trek to a hospital for scans to decide whether I’ll finally be allowed surery for long term health issues.

It is a blessing when there are calm periods in life, but more often than not as adults we face regular challenges. The trick is developing ourselves, so that we are functional and able to cope with challenges occurring.

It sounds like you have a lot of good techniques and practices already and medication to help. I hope that with each issue in life you tackle, you get stronger and feel more confident in your ability to handle challenges in the future.

Are there any times where you feel calmer?

Hi Hailey!

Lovely to hear from you again! I’m enjoying communicating with you. I love your self-motivated drive to learn about these topics. You

It is a shame that your parents didn’t compliment you more during childhood. Every child deserves to be complimented and praised regularly.

I can understand feeling pressure to praise people because they were proud of something even though you disagreed. Sometimes the best thing to say when you disagree with something is nothing at all. It is perfectly acceptable to do so. Non-committal responses can be more polite though to show that you are listening. Ahh and okay. That type of thing.

I’m sure with more practice you will get the hang of complimenting people in a way that you are comfortable with.

I wonder, do you have any strategies to lower anxiety at work? Is that where you have the most anxiety communicating? What situations make you most anxious?

I find that the more anxious I am, the more mistakes I make while communicating. Figuring out ways to lower the anxiety has been really important.

I tend to write scripts for myself to read from if I’m feeling anxious about communicating. Then I practice and memorise them at home and refer to my notes as needed.

It’s good to hear that you are practicing gratitude and meditation. In addition to that, I have found yoga extremely helpful. By learning to relax my muscles, I learned how to relax my mind and emotions. I’m also fond of practising diaphragm breathing and progressive muscle relaxation at the moment.

Various conditions such as autism, dyspraxia and mental health issues can cause difficulties with emotional intelligence. It is entirely possible to have no disorders and experience difficulties with emotional intelligence though.

Hi Tricia

It sounds like you’ve been incredibly supportive and don’t deserve the way you are being treat now. Stonewalling – refusing to discuss this issue is a form of abuse. Ignoring you while there are issues with your relationship is once again stonewalling. Lying to you about his trip, aka gaslighting is also a form of abuse.

I think it would be hasty to make any snap decisions about this. Has he already denied cheating on you?

I think the most honest answer you would get is if you messaged the woman in his pictures. I assume that she is tagged and in his friends list somewhere.

I don’t think giving ultimatums is a good strategy. There is a possibility that he may not be cheating. It could be another explanation. An adult man, with children would probably not have an interest in a long distance relationship if they had an in-person relationship. To do both at the same time would take a very cruel and cowardly character. How does your partner usually treat you?

Regardless, the way you are being treat right now is not okay. Good luck figuring it all out. Please take care of yourself through all this stress. ❤️

Hi Tricia

I understand very well the difficulties of a long distance relationship. Made even more difficult no doubt by the challenges your partner is facing. He sounds severely depressed.

How is he around birthdays? Does he face additional depression due to the occasion?

It is good that he doesn’t want to break up. I hope as his difficulties pass your relationship gets easier.

I think for someone who has a hard time letting you know when he needs time for himself and likes to bury his head in the sand, the lie makes sense. It would be difficult to have a conversation essentially rejecting a loving celebration. It would take some explaining and skilled communication. I would imagine he would be afraid of hurting you and damaging the relationship.

I have a question about handling challenges together. You mentioned that he likes to bury his head in the sand. How do you try and support him through his challenges?

Hi Alecsee

I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time with the woman you have been seeing.

I can see where the confusion has come in since you hadn’t discussed being exclusive. Other than that, I can see that you are generally very clear with your communication. Whereas the woman you have been seeing isn’t and expects you to read her mind.

If you think you can forgive her seeing someone while you weren’t exclusive I would suggest being clear with her about being exclusive and see if this is something that she would be interested in.

Otherwise, process this situation however you find most helpful. Perhaps, since you are closing a house you shouldn’t stress yourself about this since you are already going through a stressful situation?

I can understand being excited and wanting to spoil someone early in a relationship but it does create some unrealistic expectations and difficulties with relationships after the phase ends.

You seem like a really great guy with a good head on your shoulders. I hope the pain that you are in over this situation lessens. 🙏