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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,756 through 1,770 (of 2,505 total)
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  • July 22, 2015 at 12:39 pm in reply to: Just one of those days #80245
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Nicole,

    I remember you, girl! I also remember that your ex “doth protest too much”, as Shakespeare says. If you have to tell, boast and post about “The girl of your dreams” who is the audience? Why tell, boast and post it at all?? If that is really true, why brag about it??? That is what he was doing, possibly to cover up his shame/guilt for cheating on you.

    You could write a blog. Kind of revisionist history. Where YOU gave up on HIM because he cheated. And how YOU feel BAD for him because he keeps telling, boasting and posting about “The girl of his dreams”. You still tell the truth, but write it so you psychologically come out healthy. Like, “I decided to cast him loose. Am now free!!” And you will probably get supporters and followers.

    Example: “MONSTER” (Post Title)
    “As I was doing my morning meditation drinking Uva Ursi tea to calm myself down, I contemplated on how I was portrayed as a ‘Monster’. A monster doing Sun Salutation, I thought. At that moment a stranger passed me on the beach and called me “Beautiful”. A Beautiful Monster in Mountain Pose? I wondered. Instantly I fell into a Zen state of mind. I cast “Monster” off, and was left with “Beautiful”. Thought of my poor ex. Cast him off. Was now free!”

    Why not try it?

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    July 22, 2015 at 6:12 am in reply to: Diffficulty dealing with a not-so-great past #80219
    Inky
    Participant

    So I just visit here everyday, like you do.

    What I have noticed is that obvious ads and “Go to my website” directives are a no-no. However, if someone asks for help and you say, “This website is great” that is allowed. The website as part of your signature is in that nebulous grey area. What we can do is “Report”. If everyone keeps doing that, it won’t be an issue. Now, I haven’t because I’ve noticed that such people tend to give up and go elsewhere when they see that no one is going to pay for their services when we can get that HERE for FREE. LOL.

    July 22, 2015 at 6:06 am in reply to: Need help remembering who I am. #80218
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi wow90,

    It’s so hard to be depressed and have no direction especially after being goal-oriented and optimistic for as long as you could remember!

    What I would do is revel in Routines. Find pleasure in the small things.

    Wake up. Make coffee. Go to your favorite breakfast take out place. Order a different thing from the menu each day.

    You will be working soon. Yay! Something to look forward to and fill your time.

    Explore your block. Every lunch/afternoon go into one new store on your block.

    Talk to one person you see in your building every day. The doorman only counts once. Goal: Invite a neighbor over or go out to dinner/coffee with him/her/them.

    Find a church/temple/Buddhist meditation place. Do that once a week.

    At night find a Netflix series to watch. Only watch one program a night. Then read only one chapter from a great book a night. This will give you something to look forward to.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    July 21, 2015 at 4:15 pm in reply to: 5 years on still miss my ex #80189
    Inky
    Participant

    Just To Clarify:

    When my old boyfriends would contact me, I WOULD dread the cold call “coffee date” offer. And no, there was no negativity or immaturity about it! I would truthfully get that “I REALLY don’t want to do this” feeling. My DH had a “coffee date” query from an old GF and he had that “Dread” feeling too. The hardest part was saying “No” to them gently. Our rule is to NEVER do something that feels “Off”.

    Now, if I ran into them, that would be a different story! That is more natural, and then it would more easily feel like old times. So if Spider could “orchestrate” that and make it look like an accident, that would give her more traction SOLELY based on my experience! What would be better of course, is to let The Universe do its magic and their paths DO cross again on its own!

    And the “I look fabulous, he looks shlubby” is for her TO get some perspective. People age. People change. The thought you have of the beloved in your mind is often NOT what that person is like years later.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    July 21, 2015 at 12:10 pm in reply to: Diffficulty dealing with a not-so-great past #80180
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    When I see stuff like that (like the spell-caster LOL) I hit “Report” in the upper right hand corner if it bothers me. Don’t debate or question. Just hit “Report”.

    Inky

    July 21, 2015 at 5:14 am in reply to: 5 years on still miss my ex #80169
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi spider29578,

    We may be the minority, but grieving for several years isn’t UN-normal. I think many people feel this way for an ex but would never admit it years after the fact! Again, pride.

    I’m glad you recognize that your current partner is way better than the ex. Your heart, though, isn’t “done” with the ex.

    What helped me WAS seeing him years and years later. Then you really have perspective smacked over your head. Instead of a gorgeous boy you see a balding guy. The quirks that made him adorable at 20 are intolerable at 30. You grew. He hasn’t.

    In these days of social media I’m surprised he hasn’t “Friended” you or you can’t see what he looks like or what he is up to online. (If you can’t find any trace of him online, it’s just as well, actually.)

    If you really want closure/”closure” one day, find out what event/place he’s most likely to be at. Then observe him like a ghost. If he looks good and normal after all this time, THEN go up to him, looking sparkling, “Hey stranger! What are you doing here!?” Otherwise if you call him to meet up for lunch/coffee he might have days to dread the meet up. This way he’s caught off guard and you look happy and fabulous.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 20, 2015 at 5:32 am in reply to: Letting go of anger and remaining calm #80122
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Annie,

    I hate the feeling of being someone’s “project” LOL.

    This is what you do concerning the club thing:

    Be polite, no more, no less. Be friendly, but don’t try to be his friend. This is a subtle yet powerful difference.

    Let HIM initiate contact/conversation from now on. Best case scenario if he wants to get back together don’t do that until next year. He blew it with you, so he has to mature and feel what it’s like NOT being with you.

    What I would also do is something simple. The next time he sees you wear/cut your hair different. Have a different wardrobe. Have new pieces of jewelry. This will subconsciously (or consciously!) let him know that life has gone on for you, you’ve had new experiences, and are just fine on your own!

    Best,

    Inky

    July 19, 2015 at 4:06 am in reply to: Still Thinking of Ex as I Did Before the Breakup #80060
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi grantg5,

    There is nothing so intoxicating as someone saying (truthfully), “I have unconditional love for you. I only have Pure Love for you. I Love You love you!” And then you are just there. Never reaching. Never demanding. Never grasping. Kind of like a butterfly house. If you go in one and are very still (and don’t run around hunting them down), the butterflies eventually will land on you. And for your favorite butterfly, who knows??

    Now as for the present, give yourself a break. It is still VERY soon after the breakup. I’d be worried if you WEREN’T having some residual reactions!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    July 18, 2015 at 5:08 am in reply to: Being a Better Version of Myself #80033
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi kitc,

    This reminds me of an ancient Christian debate: Justification or Sanctification?

    Basically it boils down to Is it What We Do OR is It Who We Are?

    The problem with goodness and spirituality or Art Mastery is there is no End Post. No one telling you, Congratulations! You’ve Arrived!

    We are ALWAYS expanding.

    Why not do a little art/goodness/spiritual practice each day and give yourself a break and rest in Where You Are Now?

    Best,

    Inky

    July 17, 2015 at 4:50 am in reply to: Feelings of anger/regret 7 months after my first horrible heartbreak #79990
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Molly,

    They say “Revenge is a dish best served cold” and “living well is the best revenge”. Well, they are not trite sayings!

    Years and years after I had my first love break my heart we met at an event. I was looking my best and my beautiful DH was beside me, dressed in a blazer and tie. DH was obviously the best looking person in the room and treated me so kindly and lovingly, basically modeling to everyone how to act as a good person in general!

    Well, First Love couldn’t stand being “convicted”, I guess. He did not dress up and had not aged well, but still carried his “Everyone wants me I love no one” attitude! The problem is, he wasn’t this gorgeous boy any more, now he was this creepy middle aged man! He muttered to my DH, “Who wears a tie??” and skulked off, never to be seen again. Like, no one knows if he’s still alive!! I’m serious.

    So you see, everything will work out for the best, TOWARDS your best.

    Inky

    P.S. I know looks aren’t everything, but that was the “currency” that “did it” in the revenge story!

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    July 16, 2015 at 9:49 am in reply to: On being compassionate to a harmful person to you #79952
    Inky
    Participant

    Yeah, I agree that we are put upon twice ~ once by being hurt, and twice by being expected to be the ones to forgive. How about this, world?: that s/he asks for our forgiveness and doesn’t hurt us in the first place??

    July 16, 2015 at 3:12 am in reply to: In-laws have torn us apart..what now? :'( #79939
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi jj2013,

    Well, wait a decade before the kids are born LOL!

    Believe it or not, you will be shown a little more outward respect because they will WANT to see their grandbabies.

    What I have done with the other side of the family is say, “OUR kids” i.e. “Look, our kid won the game!” or even say, “A doctor she’ll be! She takes after your (___) side, doesn’t she?” (I know you’d never say this LOL). Well, let me tell you, it works! When you bring them all on “the same team” with you via the kids everyone’s happier. That said, DO NOT have children with him yet!

    I know you are in the midst of a toxic brew. Moving is your best option here.

    Inky

    July 16, 2015 at 3:04 am in reply to: On being compassionate to a harmful person to you #79937
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi David,

    I remind myself that hurt people hurt people. If you were truly filled with love, joy, hope and faith, you would never THINK of hurting another person! So for someone to do that to you, on any level, has a lot of STUFF that has nothing to do with you.

    I won’t lie to you. It’s hard. It’s tough.

    Yet if you saw that person in the ER with a gunshot wound, dying, and you were the one on call that night, you wouldn’t HESITATE to save that person’s life.

    The rest is commentary, and an inside job.

    When you see the person face to face again, be polite. Nothing more, nothing less.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 15, 2015 at 5:27 am in reply to: Diffficulty dealing with a not-so-great past #79889
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Karla,

    At the time, believe it or not, Depersonalization was actually a gift. A default survival setting of the brain. It’s like your Being said, “ENOUGH for this lifetime!” and shut down to protect you, or sent “You” out of your body.

    Now that you’re ready to become “You” or “go back into your body”, it is time to tell “You” that it’s SAFE now!

    Find a trained therapist in this, as this is beyond the forum’s ken.

    Since I am a little hippy-dippy about things like this I would tell my body and brain, “THANK YOU for doing your job and protecting me in the only way you could at the time”.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    July 14, 2015 at 3:39 pm in reply to: Should he make special time for me? #79863
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi goalgetter,

    You are not going to like what I have to say. At all.

    Making demands of someone who has a small child is a little over the top.

    And if you’re not married saying “OUR (!) financial situation” is a little over the top too. That would be “Our financial situationS”!! With an “S”.

    And golf, as you know, is a sport that takes all day. All. Day. Even nine holes is a sizable block of time.

    And yet, and yet, he’d rather do that (golf!!) than spend one on one time.

    Don’t argue. Don’t twist his arm. Just say “See ya buddy!” until the kid is a teenager and he’s gotten over this golf phase. If it is one. If it’s not, God help you!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
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Viewing 15 posts - 1,756 through 1,770 (of 2,505 total)
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