Hi starfish,

Well, this is what can happen if you date a daddy. You don’t know the cast of characters he’s had in the past.

Listen, I told my own sister, “You are Just the Girlfriend. Not only will they not hear you, but they will resent your opinion because after all, you are Just the Girlfriend. Wait until the youngest is an adult. Then, if you marry the guy, you can fill the new role ~ of a wife and mother.”

“Just the Girlfriend” sounds harsh, but that is what it is at the end of the day. My sister didn’t like what I said, but did agree with me.

For you, the texting itself is not a problem. What she wrote is actually not a problem. If he doesn’t like it, then it is a problem. HIS problem. Not your problem. HIS problem.

Be the girlfriend if you want to be. Fun, happy, supportive, loving. Not complaining about the mother of his children. He will love you for it!

I know what I’m saying is harsh, but it is what I’ve said to my sister and would say to my daughter.

P.S. Hi Matt! 🙂

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi The Thinker,

I’m at that place now too. I’ve accomplished/amassed enough that I could “coast” if I wanted to on autopilot.

I’m a mom, so at the end of the day it all boils down to one question: “Is everyone fed?” Yes, I mean physically. If everyone is fed, then is everyone warm enough? Do we have everything we need? (Not want, need.) Then we ask that about our friends, extended family and neighbors. Then our town. See where I’m going?

All we can do now is help others, on some level. Even if it’s to be a Silent Witness for them while they rail against life.

I think that’s all there is, really. And in the in between times, do things that you love. You might as well enjoy the ride!

Inky

Hi Helen,

You have nothing to apologize or feel sorry for. Long distance relationships are hard! They just are! He’s in Africa, you’re in the Middle East, you meet in London, the Skyping, the length of time of the relationship itself, not seeing each other in the flesh… Stop apologizing to C and stop saying you were wrong. That will just indulge his victim-hood and make him pouty.

Frankly, I would have stuck with A too. Maybe say, “Hey, just so you know, my ex/undefined relationship/old friend is here, how do you feel about that?” But if he’s jealous, I can see why you didn’t tell him.

This is what I would do: Every month and a half, invite C to a get-together, talk to him, have lunch, give him a little something. But that’s it! 45 days seems to be a magic timetable. You are expressing interest in a non-stalkery, non-threatening way. Putting feelers our but at the same time giving him some space.

Try it and see what happens!

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi den385,

Can you go where the other spiritual people are? Like, to metaphysical bookstores/faires? If you see the same like-minded people and they are fairly local, there is a new friend!

And, at first blush, it sounds like a pain in the azz, but it is never a time waster. Pick a cause, find a need to fill, an organization, a mission ~ and do it! Help! Get involved! Habitat for Humanity, as one of many examples, LOVES to have strong young men on the worksite! Usually you will find other Real people who are very spiritual. They can’t help not to be, after helping others. Listen to your gut. If something calls to you, check it out!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi Leanne,

That’s actually great that issues crop up during meditation ~ it means they are waiting to be cleared!

Well, your post isn’t boring because I only answer one a day, so you’re a good writer, so there’s me. And, your boyfriend chose you out of maybe a hundred or at least a dozen single girls he knew, so you’re not boring to him.

And people drifting away has more to do with personality compatibility. Like, I’m not boring. I am quiet. And I am an introvert. So I attract people who are extroverts, over the top, or those who want to be around a grounded, stable influence.

And if you’re young, yeah, a lot of kids/”kids” want to be “where the party is”. But that only shows their own insecurities about feeling left out ~ there’s a lot of free-floating anxiety in the old friend group, I think. So you’ll now attract more mature, normal, secure people. Better, right?

Best,

Inky

Hi Hyo,

OK, I lived in the suburbs BUT within walking distance of Main Street. For you, get something within walking distance of the train station. My experience was awesome and wonderful. YES, there was a real sense of community! NO, not stifled! As for the house size, believe me, once he sees how much upkeep of a house is, he will compromise on a medium sized one or even a small one! Especially if you pick something walking distance from town!

You can also compromise, like, live in the city until you have kids, then move to the suburbs. But then move back to a more cosmopolitan atmosphere when they’re grown. My husband SOO wants to move, but I’m all, “Where?” Am also ready to keep my part of the deal and will downsize (he likes small houses ~ think caves LOL) where he decides ~ WHEN the last kid has left the nest.

I know it’s not easy, but it could be worse ~ think decorating!!

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Thanks Pamela! 🙂

Hi maria1,

Also keep in mind that you may feel out of step with the other students. They may be: Younger, free, have supportive families, have a boyfriend in the next quad, travel in a gaggle of friends and conventionally attractive. Now, not everyone is like that! That is your perception! Now, the student sitting next to you may be broke, lonely, doesn’t have a family to go back to ~ you just don’t know!

Little things can brighten your day. Also, little things that are good for you. And routines.

For example: Listening to classical music/jazz/international music when you cook. Watching a black and white movie. Dressing up. A spritz of perfume. Leisurely reading the classics from a leather bound book. Eating whole foods. Drinking tea. Making your bed every morning. Singing from musicals. Any Etc. you want!!

At first it may feel forced, but eventually you will look forward to the day!

I love Flylady.net and Madame Chic (google them).

Hang in There!

Inky