Hi calavene,

It is possible that she does feel something for you, but says nothing because you don’t. It’s also possible that her boyfriend is “Too bad to stay, too good to leave”. A lot of things are possible.

But let me tell you, in this world it is The Lady’s Choice who she will be with! You are not responsible for breaking up a relationship. You don’t have that much power! She does. She could break up with him when he doesn’t propose on Christmas or for missing Valentine’s Day. Or because she wants to. You are not a caveman who could simply carry her away. She is not an object or another man’s possession. She is a sovereign free agent. Her own being. Her boyfriend is just that. A boyfriend. Not a husband. Not a fiancé.

I say, put your guilt aside, tell her how you feel. If all is well, she will reciprocate and let her boyfriend be responsible for his own feelings. Or, she will gently let you down easy. But what a relief! To get that off your chest, and not live with “What If?” I think her saying “No” (or “Yes”) to you is vastly better than setting her aside.

Just my Opine,

Inky

Can I just add, that as a woman, most of us instinctively know when a guy uses tips and techniques from well meaning “gurus” such as David DeAngelo. I’m not saying don’t try them, I am saying don’t be surprised if they don’t work. If you like this girl, trust me, all the tips and tricks have been tried on her before!

So if I were the girl and a nice guy suddenly says “No”, postpones the date, doesn’t text first, (add more guru tips here), etc. I know I’m being (unsuccessfully) played.

Go Old School. Date other girls because with this one it takes ten years to say “hello” anyway because she is so busy. There is a chance that she will be interested in you when other girls are, but so what? Let her finish school, do her three jobs, and volunteer work in peace.

Edit: Your house meaning his house. A neighbor could be a trusted friend, too.

Hi Lexie,

A simple solution is to simply not reply to the text! Then, if he ever has the yen to text you again, he will notice that you had never replied to his first one! He will be unlikely to do it further after that. If he asks you about it say, “Oh yeah, I think I got them.” He will discern that you are either not interested or not a texter.

Wishing you Simplicity and Discernment,

Inky

Hi clw3,

Everyone of us, whether they admit it or not, have all done stupid things when they’re young. I bet even the wife. And especially Tim (as he never learnt his lessons, did he?) Not to excuse what you did, but when you are five or ten years older than you are now, you will look back and honestly say, “That’s not who I am.”

A way to alleviate guilt is to say, “That’s not who I am” when it comes to coveting another woman’s husband. Even if the wife resurrects herself hell bent on revenge, you can say, “That’s not who I am”. It was a bad mistake, and does not define you. And let’s be honest, Tim himself wasn’t worth all this trouble, was he?

If I could turn back time for you, I wish you wouldn’t have outted yourself to the boss. Yes, not only did you call her bluff, but you gave him karma on a silver platter (the only good thing that came out of this). But it’s too bad you got fired too. Well, I say he got what he deserved!

Stop beating yourself up! Stay away from Tim. He, his wife, and this situation are dead to you.

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Inky.

Happy Holidays Somehow,

This is why I never moved in with anyone. I wouldn’t even leave a toothbrush at their place, know what I mean? It did seem to make them very nervous, me being able to leave at any time with no drama. As simply as driving away! LOL

Also, if there’s no engagement by the second year you have to move on if you have any hope of having a natural/biological family.

It’s not an ultimatum. Just tell him, “It’s not working.” No begging, pleading, long talks, explanation, ultimatum. He knows. He already knows.

Simply put all your stuff in storage and crash at a friend or relative’s place for a few weeks. People love to play rescuer and help during a crisis.

And who knows? An empty house, the wonder of what you could possibly be doing, and you breaking up first might propel him to propose this holiday ~ once he figures out where you’re staying!

Hang in There, be Strong,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Inky.

Hi rogue,

I think she senses your love and “neediness”. When someone really, really wants something it can become a burden for the other person. What I would do is cool way off. Maybe don’t text her or call her until she contacts you. This may take a while. You might feel anxious with the waiting. But if the friendship is real, I bet she will contact you. Then maybe contact her every month and a half. A “Hey, how are you” to a long talk on the phone. I find that to be a non threatening amount of time. This is not a game, this is so she feels no pressure.

The other thing is, if this other girl is her first relationship, there is a good chance it won’t be her last. Maybe visit her (no pressure!) next year and see where she is.

Best,

Inky

You’ve got to admit that the dating site, the FB friends, the girls on SnapChat.. That they could make an already jealous person even more jealous. Then the mild stalking and the constant blocking.

If I were like her, and then got a letter (it doesn’t matter how long after), I would be irritated and send it unopened to the trash like the present on the side of the road.

The best thing to do is ~ next year ~ have a friend talk to her for you, or you to run into her on purpose in person.

It’s not like you’re a bad person or she’s a bad person. It’s just that it’s not a match.