I’m sorry you’re going through this!! Can you talk to him when he’s (ever) feeling good? Have an understanding, like, for every verbal insult you will take off with the baby for night and he will have to deal with mom.

Other option: Open a SEPERATE checking account and pour all your money into that and YOU move into YOUR apartment ASAP.

A terrible thought, but that which is based on reality: the more a man verbally abuses you, the more likely he will be to physically abuse you. Check out the Domestic Violence numbers and Women’s Shelters. They will help you get into a SAFE place, get a lawyer, find you a new home. I know you’re thinking “This is not for me”, and that this isn’t good news. But that is where it is headed unless he suddenly gets his head out of his azz.

Hi Penguin,

Sometimes when kids launch for college, the parents, as if on a timer, start to fall apart.

Now ~ Are you living on campus, or at home? If you’re still living at home, I strongly encourage you to move out!

Then, when you’re visiting home, have clear boundaries (even mentally) about what’s your stuff, his stuff, her stuff, their stuff.

Dad had his midlife crisis and is with some younger chick. That ship has sailed. If you want to see your father, call him and have lunch just the two of you at a diner.

Your brother has always had Aspergers. Believe me, your mom has always given him money and supported him and will always do so. Now she’s just giving cash to him directly. The only conversation you should have with her is if you will support him after she’s gone if he is truly unemployable.

Your mom will continue to meet internet rascals. The worst thing that will happen is she will be swindled. It’s hard to watch, but, it’s her life, her money. If you must, perhaps call her favorite sister or best friend and implore them to keep an eye on her.

In the old days, after a breakup, the well-to-do would send the teenager on a European Adventure to clear their head. They would come back with a new outlook on life and be ready for new beginnings!

Instead of lamenting, do look forward to travelling abroad. And when you’re there, stay in the moment and appreciate every minute of it.

It’s normal for your high school and college friends to be just that ~ left in high school and college. When you get home, you will make friends of all ages at your new job, in your new neighborhood, from the gym, at your place of worship. And remember Meet Up groups exist now! Make a list of all your interests and go on local Meet Ups. Then, when you are in a relationship, their friends become your friends.

It will be OK.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

You know yourself. You know your fears. What you don’t know is what your BF thinks.

So I always thought tall dark guys were my type. I meet my DH and he is a tall blonde. 20 years later we are still together. And if he dyed his hair black and got a great tan he would look ridiculous LOL. When you meet The One, all preconceived notions are out the window.

I would focus on other things and keep busy. When these silly thoughts are out of your mind the issue will disappear.

Weight. Health and/or Beauty: I will never be thin again (a choice), but I can be the best size 12 I can be! Rock the body you’re in! Wear makeup, get your nails done, get cute outfits that make YOU look good at the size you’re at! Diets are almost not necessary, but eating healthy food is. And exercise if you want to in what YOU love. Basically do what you love (a good general rule) and you will shine WHERE you love!

P.S. Everyone is getting older, even him, so the less that surface-y stuff will matter as time marches on. Some men do go crazy and choose younger “cute” women at midlife, but that is a symptom of the spiritual body not coming fully in yet.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

Were you cheated on before? Has he ever given you reason to doubt him? Is your intuition picking up on something? Remember that our thoughts become things, so be careful you don’t “manifest” someone else into the picture! That is what you are doing, as the phantom girlfriend has already caused problems! To you she is a phantom. To him she is invisible.

There’s been talk on the boards for A 30 Day Challenge. Why don’t you try it for this situation? Don’t talk about Trust, The Relationship, Phantom Girlfriends, etc. for 30 Days. It will be hard. Bite your tongue a lot! Sit on your hands! Hide the phone!

But see how the energy of the relationship is after a month. I bet it will be better.

Hi Trevor,

The first thing to do is get un-attached to the word “attached” LOL!

Instead, substitute words and phrases like, “Love”, “Like”, “Interested in”, “Curious About”, and “Excited by”.

You should feel instant mental relief.

But always keep in mind that everything changes, and has a beginning, middle and an end. Nothing is constant. That is what’s freaking you out. Changeability. Dissolution. But you don’t have to *do* anything! You don’t have to *have* anything! You don’t have to *be* anything! It is freaky when you think about it, I will admit!!

OK, Matt will probably be here soon and suggest Metta Meditation or another calming practice.

Good Luck!!

Inky

Hi M,

It sounds like he was “OK” but not “Great”. If being a gamer and hanging out with his friends was a deal breaker, then there wasn’t enough going on with him for you to stay. It’s like being in a restaurant and everyone’s raving about it, giving it five stars, and you’re all, “But it’s McDonalds”. But you own stock in the company, so you stay and finish the burger.

I think you’re feeling dejected. It will pass. Even if you stayed together it sounds like there wasn’t enough “glue” there to last through your twenties. Time will heal this. Maybe “Hide” him on FaceBook so you don’t see him everyday?

We can’t control others’ love. Let’s say you were a perfect Aspie. Let’s say you didn’t have that label at all. Seven years ~ anything can happen in seven years. I would seriously find a way to ReSet ~ meaning get calm and stable, start over.