Hi Jasmine,

You are both still very young, 20, correct? College age. View this boy as your “starter” relationship. He is not old enough, bold enough, or independent enough to stand up against “Daddy”. Frankly, the only time his parents should meet you or know of you is when they receive wedding invitations. And then it would be too late to have an opinion.

Is his father threatening to withhold his inheritance? Where does he think this wealthy future daughter-in-law will come from? It is statistically more likely that the BF will fall in love with a poor girl than a rich one.

You don’t need this nonsense. Tell your BF to look you up when he has made his own million and so is out from under his father’s thumb.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Maryellen,

First of all, four years is too long to be engaged, and (from my math) nineteen is too young to get engaged. With or without “M”, it was high time to look elsewhere.

Another thought came to mind: “D” was getting a little judgmental. Nothing flips an already judge-y person over the edge like you doing something fringe-y… such as telling him you want to explore polyamory because you feel an attraction to “M”. Let me tell you, even the calmest, most open-minded person in the world would have a problem at the idea of  sharing their loved one. Especially if it didn’t come from “them” first! I mean, it’s not like he wanted to be polyamorous and you agreed and you found “M” later.

Here’s a thought… And I can’t believe I’m writing this… But my instincts are telling me to cast “D” aside and go out with “M”!

Best,

Inky

If the stuff is super expensive ($10,000 armoire) or super important (original birth certificate) I would send a certified letter. Then he cannot claim he never received it. This also alerts him that you are not someone to mess around with.

A lot of times ex’s use the “stuff” as a point of contact. Once the “stuff” is gone, there is no more need for contact.

If the stuff is just “stuff” (books, old clothes, house plants) I would call it a loss and move on with your life.

Eventually he will have to decide what to do with the stuff and he will be confronted with his passive non-decision and will probably ship it back to you, unless it’s things like salt and pepper shakers, etc.

Good Luck!

Inky

Sounds to me like he’s the desperate sort. He frantically calls you coincidentally during your vow/experience of silence (boundary breaking). He sends meaningful gifts to win you. He sends clichéd over the top romantic gifts to win her. He jumps from one relationship to another. He dated a married woman.

Do you not see the blessing of him being gone? You are not expendable. The Universe is saying you are INdispensable and is trying to shed what is not good for you out of your life!

Hi Olivia,

If you don’t mind me saying so, this has nothing to do with your boyfriend at all. Go see a doctor and get your own meds. Using someone else’s (even if it’s “just”Adderall and Xanax) is a temporary solution and a bad habit to get into.

Then you can ruminate over the state of your relationship.

Best,

Inky

Hi Sophie,

It’s not that long distance relationships never work (my sister has been in one for years and years), it’s more like most people can’t handle them well.

You have a few choices here:

1. Find a job within half an hour of him. Live simply. Or, he can move closer to you.

2. Treat the relationship lightly.

3. Don’t have all this pressure about seeing each other most weekends. I would almost rather have the pressure of seeing each other for an occasional long weekend, vacation or holiday than driving/flying out every. single. weekend. Maybe make it loose, like, “At least once a month. More? Great.”

4. It’s OK not to talk on the phone. Let days parade by.

5. Communicate through text, FB, Skype, etc.

Enjoy the unique “rhythm” of you long distance relationship.

Best,

Inky

Hi Jenny Lynn,

John is what I call a Perennial Bachelor. Don’t worry about him finding someone else. He will, he has, and he is. All three women at once, usually. He loves having a harem. He loves that they kind of but not really know about each other. He plays up their birthdays and holidays to keep them around. But they are never his on a day-by-day level.

Glen is the opposite. He is doting, he is there. Unless it’s your birthday or a holiday. Then he forgets/”forgets”. But you can’t quite break up with him because he is there the other 360 days of the year, right???

Both men are giving the women in their lives the message that they aren’t special. It’s an ego thing.

Move out, get your own place (to have! No more moving in with someone!), dump Glen, don’t seek out John, and date someone who is there for you every day INCLUDING holidays.

Best,

Inky

Hi liz,

You could be on the best medication in the world, and then suddenly it doesn’t work any more (or not as much). Even if he did find some other girl, she, too, would have to manage him, manage the meds, be alert for subtle changes in his behavior, etc.

Tell him that you would be open to marriage, but he has to do all the work in managing his mental health. That you will still visit, and when you see a solid (two plus years with no changes) baseline of stable mood and behavior you can start truly looking toward the future.

Best,

Inky