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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 901 through 915 (of 2,508 total)
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  • August 14, 2017 at 4:50 am in reply to: Should I move on from my emotionally abusive ex? #163824
    Inky
    Participant

    HI Louise,

    You very question answers itself: “Should I move on from my emotionally abusive ex?” Yes, you should move on because he is emotionally abusive AND your ex.

    Since you broke up HE gets to flirt with other girls while knowing you see it on social media AND gets to send flirty, easy breezy cute emojis to you? Like you are one of his Flirt Harem?

    NOPE!

    You get to block him.

    He has given you nothing but insults and makes you feel bad. It’s time for you to feel good.

    He had his chance.

    Cast him loose,

    Inky

    August 13, 2017 at 5:23 am in reply to: my bf has another gf #163720
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi perfect,

    You have to be strong. Being strong means: not talking to him unless and until there is no girlfriend in the background. It’s bad enough to have a boyfriend that hides his girlfriend from you. It’s worse to be the one being hidden.

    Do you want to be his dirty little secret?

    No! Of course not!

    So, tell him you will not talk to him or text him anymore until there is good news (for you!) on his relationship status.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    P.S. Yes, I understand about the Visa, but my advice is still the same

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Inky.
    August 12, 2017 at 6:02 am in reply to: He says he loves me but isn't "in love" with me anymore #163584
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Crystal,

    When (usually guys) say, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” that is the death knell of the relationship. You can’t take those words back. You can’t unring a bell. He could do a complete 180 and be the perfect guy, but those words will cast a sour note in the relationship going forward. Romantic, huh?

    At this point, what can he possibly do?

    His character is passive, he sounds bookish/introverted and asexual. Some people are asexual. And that’s OK!

    But not only that: You have studied your relationship, evaluated his personality, thought about the relationship 24/7… I promise you he is and has not thought that hard about it.

    I mean he sounds like an OK guy, but he’s just that. “OK”.

    And then he’s the one to tell you “I love you but I’m not in love with you”? Please. Because he is inexperienced, he doesn’t get that that phrase is the number one relationship killer thing to say. The ultimate prehistoric meme. Like, cavemen were saying that. Now he is back peddling like crazy.

    Time to sail on.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Inky.
    August 11, 2017 at 5:14 am in reply to: Does life perceivable get worse as you get older? #163398
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi dreaming715,

    I think it all has to do with perception. People tend to romanticize “the good old days”. For you that was college. Now, while you were in college, you may or may not have perceived it as “the golden age” at the time.

    Who knows? Years from now you may remember this time as “Remember when I was in that crappy job and tried so desperately to get out of it, but now I love it, and how we were so broke and they didn’t have the medical advancement on the chronic illness yet? OMG, those were the days! What a party! What a party!”

    Life might conceivably get worse as we get older. Me? I don’t want to know, myself. I do know I’ve been through some “What was THAT all about??” hardships in my life and that everything is good-ish NOW (with the help of The Man Above, if you know Who I mean).

    Continue to find the good in any little thing you can. (Helps me!)

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Inky.
    August 10, 2017 at 4:57 am in reply to: I can't stand being around my family, why do I feel this way? #163272
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Leocube,

    I suggest you save up first and last month’s rent for them to live in an apartment nearby. And present it to them as a gift. I’m assuming they bring in some money to support themselves. Tell them truthfully that you love them but it is such a different culture here. That kids move back in with their parents only if they absolutely have to. Not the parents move in with the kid just because they want to.

    The other problem is they are relatively isolated. Can you introduce them to other people who share the same language? Can you teach them 100 most often used English words and phrases? Talk to them in English? Leave the radio and TV on in the background for more immersion?

    Your twenties should be a time when you live alone and are independent. And a two bedroom apartment is too small. Naturally you would feel irritated.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    August 9, 2017 at 4:52 am in reply to: Hurt by a good friend…what to do now? #162986
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sunny,

    When we’re young we take our friendships very seriously. We tend to visit them every year from far away. But once we hit, say, thirty, it gets harder to visit all our long distance friends! So we go all out for life events and maybe visit once every five or ten years.

    Please don’t take her seemingly blowing you off for a spa day personally. She has a family now. You have a family now. Unless you have a nanny taking care of your kid and are a multi millionaire and no job, it’s hard (as you now know) to get away. Because this might literally be the only time she will actually go to a spa weekend! (She also might not know that those days are history and she’s running on vestiges of “I’m single and free!” fumes.)

    “Let it Go” as they say, and visit her in the 2020’s!

    Best,

    Inky

    August 8, 2017 at 4:25 am in reply to: Need advice #162794
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Amy,

    Everyone claims marihuana is harmless, but this is what I’ve seen from long term pot use:

    Your development stops expanding and you are stuck emotionally, mentally, and psychologically at the age you started using. So let’s say he started smoking an industrial amount of pot at, say, sixteen. After four or five years you are in college, and he might be in college with you. But he is not having the same college experience. He is still rebelling (though there is nothing to rebel against), fighting with his parents, not doing basic chores, sullen, etc. You know, like a sixteen year old!

    Let’s say you’re now in your twenties. Most of your friends are getting married, having careers, buying houses, etc. He is still trying to finish up school, works at the gas station, treats his hobbies like a job (is a “musician”), etc….

    So YES, you grew. He hasn’t. I suggest not communicating with him until next year. You might be shocked at how far down he’s gotten since you left him. Or, sometimes you might be pleasantly surprised. He may have shed the pot and the loser friends and begun the process of catching up with you!

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Inky.
    August 6, 2017 at 9:46 am in reply to: Smear Campaign: How should I cope? #162518
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Mary899,

    A good way to diffuse this is to go to each classmate individually, one a day, pull them aside and say: “Just so you know, Narcissist and her gang apparently have made up little stories about me. If they say anything to you about what I supposedly said, it is probably not true. Just give me a heads up if that happens, OK? I want this to quietly go away, so please don’t tell them we spoke. Thank you so much!”

    Then keep your distance, as much as possible. Surround yourself with your own posse, so they can’t catch you alone.

    Don’t worry, most people have or will figure out about their true colors.

    And believe it or not, they will eventually move on to their next victim, and you will be free.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    August 5, 2017 at 8:26 am in reply to: Heart or Head :( #162290
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi LotusLove,

    You’re not asking for much. You’re asking for him to stop Liking other girls’ inappropriate pics and videos. He says you’re insecure.

    You tell him you think it’s cute he thinks he’s a “play-ah” to look at soft porn while calling you names, but he’s not that cool.

    Move out (with all your stuff) the next time he’s at school/work/etc. Don’t even leave a note.

    Don’t worry, he’ll figure it out.

    Probably when you are with a grown man who’s not him!

    Best,

    Inky

     

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Inky.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Inky.
    August 4, 2017 at 4:17 am in reply to: When Will I Beat This Eating Disorder / Obsession? #162064
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Tessa,

    I think things will go back to normal when there’s a new normal. And that normal may not be the old normal. The restricting/binging is dollars to donuts a huge distraction from thinking about your ex. And by distraction I mean it actually gives you relief. You have something physical to worry over rather than emotional.

    It may take a crisis, a new obsession, a great adventure, a sudden flurry of events or even a new relationship to make you forget about food again.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    August 3, 2017 at 4:53 am in reply to: Immature Wife Not Contributing In Marriage #161848
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Faisal,

    She simply has to get her license, I was frustrated just reading all the driving you had to do! Does she have a phobia? Can she take driving lessons? Can you simply schedule driving tests for her (a good month in advance so she can get ready) and say “You’re going or I won’t go out of my way to drive you anymore?”

    Housework: Guess what, if you were single and living alone YOU would cook and hopefully clean anyway! Are we back in the 50’s? Am I really reading this LOL? Well, if she wants to be a housewife (while also later getting a job?) the Flylady.net website is SUPER helpful! And once she’s working, I suggest YOU cook a meal once a week for her. And clean up afterwards, too!

    The bedroom: It could be YOU, you know! Who knows? She is clearly not at ease. Yes, seek counselling for that one!

    Good Luck!

    Inky

     

    August 2, 2017 at 8:31 am in reply to: Confused wheather to move on or fight #161716
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Priyanka,

    I’m sorry to say, but you have to move on. You can’t force someone to express interest.

    He even said you are just friends, nothing more can happen between you and you don’t have a future together.

    If anyone dared utter those words to me, I would say, “Guess what? You’re right! Nothing more can happen between us and we don’t have a future together!” But I wouldn’t say we were friends.

    Best,

    Inky

    August 1, 2017 at 1:08 pm in reply to: Breaking my best friend`s heart? #161603
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Again,

    Unfortunately, a lot of men seek out women when they are vulnerable. Even my own daughter got together with her BF because of this. Why? He kept hanging out in her dorm, “just stopping by”. Then when she went with the ski team on break (and she wasn’t even on the team) HE happened to (out of 80,000 other kids at the University) ALSO follow the ski team. Now, he would be labelled as a stalker if my DD looked at it a certain way. But, when she got injured on the slopes, HE was the one that took care of her … and they got together!!!

    I hope it is just horrible timing, Mina, but it could also be him rubbing his hands with glee going, “Now’s my chance!” (thus minimizing the whole past relationship, making it all about HIM).

    Another parallel: God forbid, if my DH dies, I would be all levels of pissed if our guy friends started hanging out with me, making confessions, etc. before the body is cold, for example.

    Inky

    August 1, 2017 at 6:23 am in reply to: Breaking my best friend`s heart? #161528
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Mina,

    I’ve been in a similar situation, so I totally get it. Him making his confession NOW actually minimizes your whole past relationship. A friend liking you that you felt no initial spark for is actually a BURDEN. Not only are we trying to heal our emotional state, but now we feel we have to somehow protect their feelings because we know we’re going to reject them?? No thanks!

    Ask him why he’s making his confession NOW. Why NOW? Does it have to be… NOW?

    How dare he. No, little buddy, you don’t just get to pick a girlfriend like it’s musical chairs. No, little buddy, my feelings are more important right now. No, little buddy, and it wouldn’t be you. The heart doesn’t work that way.

    I advise you saying, “This is a joke, right?” and laughing it off. Then take a friendship break in that you’re on vacation, busy, not available for a while.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 31, 2017 at 4:41 am in reply to: He doesn't feel a spark? #161224
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi lealithia,

    I’m sorry it didn’t work out.

    Him saying “I don’t feel a spark” would be a deal breaker for me. It’s too nebulous a reason for not seeing someone. It sounds like he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

    That said, you being a Plan B is a possibility. Then don’t be!

    Let him call you next time he’s in town (he probably won’t). But if he does and asks you out, say you’re busy/travelling, and maybe next time! (I know this is hard). Then when (if) you do see him, DON’T sleep with him (obviously).

    That’s the only way to redeem the relationship and reignite the “spark”.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 901 through 915 (of 2,508 total)
1 2 3 … 60 61 62 … 166 167 168