Hi Avery,

I hate when I would lose people for stupid reasons. Drugs are a stupid reason. It was stupid for him to choose drugs over you. And he knows it!

The other girl: Long distance relationships are tough for even the most well balanced, happy person. He’s a young guy (with a problem with addiction) and he messed up and slept with some girl. Another stupid reason. Is she better than you? No, because she’s choosing some cheater on drugs. How good can she be?

So the  cheater already feels bad, and perhaps gets a text from you. Plagued with justified guilt, he can’t take it and becomes defensive, and takes it all out on you. Then uses his substance abuse problem to manipulate you back into his orbit. Then blows it again. Big time.

You do not deserve that. You know it. He knows it. And get this. Are you sitting down? He knows you know it!

What you can do is have the definitive last word, and block him everywhere he can reach you before he can respond.

When you do this, when you say through action a definitive NO towards an emotionally abusive, addicted cheater, no other emotionally abusive, addicted cheaters will accidentally spiral into your orbit in the future. Soon, only nice, moderate, faithful people will be in your universe.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi LoveandLive,

This is a repeat of grad school! The confession. The moving separate ways. etc.

The guy would have to be a dunderhead not to know that you like him. And I suspect he might feel the same way.

However, I would leave it alone. Let him go abroad. He’s had plenty of chances to take it up a level. Why is it all on you?

Plan something fabulous for yourself the day or week he leaves.

Best,

Inky

Oh Fezza, my heart goes out to you!!

You can be mad at the woman all you want, but ultimately the fault begins and ends with your father. HE is your father. YOU are his daughter. If his name is on the mortgage (and especially not hers) he can tell her SHE doesn’t need to be there when HIS daughter visits! But that’s not the real issue. The REAL issue is your father has to take ownership in his relationship to you.

The forgotten wedding card is an excuse for her to be hateful to you. Believe me, she could have used any excuse!

Are they married? If not, maybe the woman was jealous of his original, true family. You don’t know the backstory. Maybe she was patiently waiting in the wings for him for years and he wouldn’t leave your mother, or give her the time of day who knows. You are his true family, and she can NEVER take that away from you. Nor can the smug daughter. And they know it!

Reach out to your dad and take him out alone once in a while. Meet him at work. If he has haunts or hobbies, run into him there. And talk. Really talk. But do NOT put the woman down while speaking your truth. Remember, it’s really about HIM, not her after all.

If he ends up marrying the creature you will have to be cordial I’m afraid, to them. But that’s another post.

I know exactly what you’re going through!

Inky

Hi Littered,

Could the feeling be… dread? Confliction?

Wow, that doesn’t sound good, I would advise leaving the situation/person well enough alone!

Best,

Inky

Hi jon kirkham,

It looks like you’ve taken the first important adult step: Being consciously aware of how you’re reacting and why. Followed by vowing to tweak how you respond, and doing it before anything untoward comes out!

I hope your love also has success in not allowing you or her mom (or anyone!) to push her buttons.

Don’t worry about blowing it on your last date. Just be aware. And be flexible. Plans often go awry. It’s not what you do, it’s that you are together.

To continued success!

Inky

I love this post, guys!!

Inky 🙂

Hi Leocube,

I’m sorry your family is so pedestrian and conventional. I mean I am searching for most likely adjectives for them as you haven’t really described them.

No need to hurt them, just eventually fade out of their life over the years.

Best,

Inky

Hi Ben,

Very often (VERY often!) what we “want to do when we grow up” simply isn’t there anymore by the time we’ve graduated/arrived/made it. I’m an artist and several of my friends are professionals. I’m more talented on paper (literally) but some people simply have more luck/connections/business acumen. I, too, went into a depression.

What I’ve learned is (at least for me) is that you can get in trouble when we’re TOO attached to the idea of  “Follow your Passion and the Money will Follow”. What can happen is when the money/job/career isn’t coming that actually kills our passion. Let your job be your job and view your gaming/art as a side job. For now! Advertise locally and get small jobs. Eventually the tide will turn and you will be in demand.

As for anxiety, try Running. I know, I know. But listen, I did interval training (walk/run, you can find plans online) and it was the most addictive thing I’ve ever done. I’m in great shape now, and LOOK great according to the “WOW!”s I’ve gotten. I sleep better too.

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Inky.