Hi Dexter,

I don’t have much to add, but it really does not have to be so complicated and confusing. I think you like a little “excitement” in your life, and there is nothing wrong with that, but in my own experience, it can really harm relationships..a constant need for excitement, chaos, etc. I will use a quote, because it is so very true. If a man and a woman are meant to be together, they will be together. Period. I hope you have a Happy New Year.

Hi Lorraine,

No, I don’t think you are being unreasonable, but you are clearly being abused, very stressed, and emotionally abused. You were kind enough to offer your house, and they are clearly taking advantage of you, causing you misery when you have your own struggles. It is time for them to leave. Just tell them, you feel it is not a suitable living arrangement, and leave it at that. If they argue, or try to get your sympathy, just repeat over “this is not a suitable living arrangement, please find another place to live and give them a time frame. This may sound harsh, but it is nothing compared to how they are treating you..horribly. It needs to stop once and for all. They will not change. Give them a time frame to get their stuff out, and then change the locks. It will be awkward and uncomfortable, but would you rather have that then what they are putting you through now, day in and day out? It is time for them to learn the consequences of their actions. Keep us posted. x

Hi Uncertainty81,

I will go by my own experience. I just got so tired of the anxiety, fear and doubt. I have only lived with two men. My first love when I was only 21. And a man when I was 35. At that time, my friends were warning me it was wrong, because they said most people who “live together” before marriage, their marriages dissolve, more than a couple who waits to move in together after marriage.

They saw it as too easy when living together to become “roommates” more than boyfriend, girlfriend and that is where the fighting and bucking about small things start. Well, with my first love, of course, we were in love, very, very young, had no idea what we were doing, it was both of our first relationship. He proposed to me 6 months after we started dating. I was on cloud 9. My father was furious. I wouldn’t listen to anyone, yet I had fears, doubts, but I let “being in love” take over and I jumped right in. So, that’s what I say..just jump right in. Don’t overanalyze it, because it will get you nowhere. You have been together two years. So just move in together, what is the worst that can happen? If it doesn’t work out, you can separate and go your own ways, but if it does work out, it’s a win-win situation, and you will find that it is not as bad as you think.

With the 2nd man..again..only with him 6 months, very much “in love” until I loved in. It (again) was too soon, the fighting and bickering started, chaos, and like my first love the relationship did not work out as we rushed things. In your case, it is different. Two years is plenty of time, so why not? Give it a try. Lay your fears to rest. Please post with your thoughts.

Dear Greengirl,

Having been in several online long distance relationships, both in an of out the country, unfortunateky, they often, do not work out. It is very easy to start bonding with someone online, it happened to me many times. Most often out of lonliness, or just enjoying the attention. I would tell myself It would go nowhere, however, it took on a life of its own, and after several weeks of “chatting” an emotional bond was occurring. Your mind plays tricks on you, thinking it is real..when it it not. It is virtual..internet..sort of like an online fantasy and love affair.

You were not rejected. It happens all the time. Men who flirt with you, send you cute emoji’s, I guarantee, are also doing this with other women as well. But we like to think we “are the only one” because we feel we “are falling for them”. For me, the chatting turned into video chatting everyday. I always got hurt. I got scamned, catphished, found out one of the men were in an arranged marriage, and so on..but I was always left with a broken heart, yet I would heal..and into the next guy who was attractive and “friend me”. Even after I swore “never again”

I deleted my profiles off social media. It is too easy (at least for me) to get caught up with this and it is all make believe. We don’t know who these men really are. So many lie. Them they ghost you, after telling you the most beautiful things ever. You see them the next day online chatting with another woman, and so it goes. This is why I stay away from men online. It’s not worth it. Many lie. Many are married and say they are single. Many are chatting, while their girlfriend is sleeping, it’s all just fantasy. Don’t take it personally. Best to meet a man in person for coffee or casually somewhere, meet as friends, take it slow. This way you won’t get anxious, because you are going at your own pace, and they don’t feel rushed. Feel free to post with your thoughts. x

Hi Ella,

I have a suggestion that helped me greatly with things with an ex, who enjoyed being on Social media, such as Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Google Plus..we actually met on Facebook. I stopped. I deleted my accounts. I stopped caring who he was looking at, what he was doing, who he was following, whose pictures he was liking. I figured it’s only social media and not real life. Once, I bought a “GQ” magazine home, where he could see it, and had it flipped over to a page with a great looking man. I put a smiley face next to it, like I was going to show it to a friend.

Well, he did not like it at all, and questioned me. I told him, if he could look and admire women in the internet, surely I could admire men? What’s fair is fair. While I don’t suggest going to this extreme, try not to “follow” or look at his profile to see what he is up to on Social media. It will only make you miserable and strain your relationship. Just do your own thing, and let him do his. You will be alot happier, and the relationship will be less tense.

Hi Luna,

I am sorry this happened, and can understand how frustrating this can be. We want to know the answers, but they don’t come and we are left perplexed and befuddled. I think it might have been the distance. I think you mentioned there was some distance between you. Did you live far apart from each other? Did he ever mention wanting to be exclusive with you, or wanting “just to date”. Some men, no matter how compatible, etc we are with them, are not relationship ready, or emotionally available.

Did you ever ask him if he saw a future with you. When he did distance himself, did he offer any reasons for his behavior? It sounds if he did this to you, most likely, he has done this in the past and will in the future.

Hi Rishabh,

I can very much relate to how you feel, and what you are going through. I know what it’s like. I too, miss my past..and some very special people that meant so much to me, that are no longer alive. I still miss a man I had a break-up with over a year ago. But I know that he is no longer that same person, I really don’t want him back, just the memories, the laughs, the feelings of being in love, the giddiness.

I miss my Dad, who was my best friend, the last of my family. He passed in 2008. Sometimes like you, I feel very much alone. I spend the Holidays alone, my birthday alone, another Valenday’s day comes and goes with no special someone, yet I can’t date due to being in very poor health.

I think the past can be our own worst enemy. We have no control over it. It is gone. What we have to do is cherish the beautiful memories that we did love someone, when many people have never experienced that. You were happy once, and you *will* be happy again. When we feel lonely, the thing is to reach out in any way you can. Even if it’s yo people to people you feel won’t understand. I feel you need the connections with your parents, they may surprise you if given a chance. I’m sure they miss you very much. The thing we have to do is create memories now, even though we are on an unfamiliar and lonely place.

I moved from one part of the United States, all the way to the other ebd, by myself. I did not know anyone. No family there, no friends, no job. It was a very lonely and frightening time. But gradually, I got to know people, found a roommate, and ended up creating some beautiful memories, even meeting a man, I was going to marry. We ended up not getting married, but I cherish the memories. Try to do the same. It’s okay to think about the past, but try to know it is only thoughts and just observe them. Don’t become them, and let them bring you down. You can create beautiful memories anywhere you are. I hope you keep posting.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Eliana.