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Hi Emily,
It sounds to me like there needs to be a time out in place where you both can shut everything off, such as “Game of Thrones” television, etc. And just talk to each other. I feel everyone has basic needs and when those needs are not being met, it can lead to build up resentment, sleeping on the couch, not communicating, silent treatment, passive aggressive behavior and it only gets worse. He is certainly not going to want to look at apartments, much less anything else, the way things are right now. Think about it, you barely talk to each other, you fight alot, you sleep on the couch, it’s an unhealthy relationship.
Try to talk to him using “I feel statements” when you are not exhausted after working an 11 hour shift, and he is not distracted. Take him somewhere quiet, no cell phones, computers, friends, television. And just tell him how you feel. Say something like “I feel hurt, dismissed, undated for, etc when I get home from an 11 hour day and you don’t ask me how my day went, and you don’t want to talk to me at all, instead you would rather play “game of thrones” “I need to be listened to, to know you care about me, how my day went”. Before we play computer games, I really miss our talks.
He may be emotionally drained and can’t give anything because he is emotionally drained from all the fighting, sleeping in different rooms, etc. Right now, there is no communication. It is more of a roommate situation, rather than a loving boyfriend/girlfriend situation. If he does not want to talk or gets defensive, you may want to try couples counseling. But right now, until things get better, I would hold off on getting on apartment together.
Hi Bianca,
Don’t get any more involved with this man until his ex is out of the house, the house is sold and he is no longer communicating with her. Three is a crowd, and you are stuck between the two of them. Not knowing, doubting, unsure. It’s too complicated and emotionally draining and you don’t need that. She may be his ex, but he is in some extent very involved with her. Wait until he has his affairs in order. Or this will drag out. Do you really want to marry a man, who has a ex at his house and communicating with her? You deserve better. Not to be on the back burner and “soothed” with a proposal.
Hi Tom,
How was she when she came to your house? Was she distant then? Do you think anything happened to make her become distant? I don’t think it would hurt to casually ask her out for coffee and see how she acts. Keep us posted. Also, I think the distance is coming from the “messaging” don’t be her pen-pal. Talk to her on the phone. That’s where the emotional binding happens, the laughter, tone of voice, funny stories, all you can’t get through texting. Personally I find texting in dating relationships silly and teenageish. I won’t go there. Try not to text. If she texts you, tell her you would enjoy having a conversation over the phone. I have seen constant texting ruin many relationships. It’s too impersonal.
Hi Sadpeach,
I think if two people love each other and are in love they will move heaven and earth to make it work, even long distance. You both can video chat and see each other. It might not be the same as in person, but distance wise, you really are not far away from him. You both can see each other even if it’s one weekend a month. A long distance relationship does not spell “doomed” or “this way forever” this can only be temporary. I’m the future, you both can be together again.
Just because he is on Instagram, does not mean he is dating these girls. They may just be pen-pals. Many of these women are from different countries or States. I think if he is keeping contact with you, going to therapy, and trying to better himself, maybe a possible getting back together? Your thoughts?
Hi Anita,
Thanks for reading my post, and replying. I apologize for any confusion. I’m confused myself. It all happened when my glands and lymph nodes became very swollen under my left jaw, the swelling seemed to be present all day. Very tender and painful. Doctor thought it was allergies, saw fluid in my left ear, said something about “temporal swelling” and put me on Allegra and Singulair. The swelling and pain still did not go away. One night, I was eating chicken, and felt something lodge in my throat. I coughed, put peanut butter on bread to try to dislodge it to no avail. I was still able to breath, but went to ER. When I was outside of ER, I had dry heaves and it dislodged whatever was in my throat.
My throat still hurt badly, and the ER doctor scared me asking me how long lymph nodes have been swollen. I said 4 months. He said “you need to follow up with your GP right away, I feel you have non-hodjkins lymphoma.” “Your spleen is enlarged, you have a solid nodule under the base of your skull and several solid nodes under your right armpit.” When they released me, they gave me paperwork, and it said “unexplained lymphoma”. (?)
My Doctor wrote an order for me to see a general surgeon for the lymph nodes under my right arm. That is scheduled for 28th of September. My case manager is taking me. I have lost over 34 pounds in 2 1/2 months. I have another appointment scheduled for a fine needle biopsy on October 12th, on two enlarged thyroid nodules. They are going to take 5 tissue samples from each nodule. I hope this clears things up a bit.
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