Hello Ray,

I think writing a letter that you don’t give him is an amazing way to release the pain and anger you feel. There’s a whole book written about this: Unsent Letters, which documents the healing that comes from this…burying or burning the letter after you’ve written also seems to help in letting it all go.

I applaud you for being on a journey to change yourself and I know if this is something you want with all your heart, you will succeed. I know too that you will be able to forgive yourself, just by accepting like I did, that sometimes we need to find out who we are not before we can know who we are.

Yes, we all make mistakes but the key is to learn from them – be kind to yourself, know you want to do things differently, forgive yourself and allow yourself to be who you really are.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Dear Moon,

My heart goes out to you, you are such a loving soul. And I am sorry you have lost your best friend, because talking with someone who cares really helps. Perhaps there is someone else you know with whom you could spend some time?

I felt that life was meaningless like you, for a long time and finally asked God/Love for help. You will be amazed at the response if you decide to do this. I was guided to books and people, all of whom helped me understand there is so much more to me than I knew.

One thing I am sure of is that looking inside yourself, being kind to yourself and taking time to get to know who you are will drastically change your life – it did mine.

I understand you are in a lot of pain and it has been my experience that pain has a message for us – to stop looking outside of ourselves for happiness and go within.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Ray,

I felt very much like you do when I was your age – I think hormones have a lot to do with it! I love that you are optimistic and ready to find the positive in most situations and I think that attitude helps in understanding that critical or constructive remarks are hard for everyone to accept graciously. You know your mum loves you and wants the best for you, so I think reminding yourself of that fact will help you when she says something that you don’t like.

Whenever I feel like reacting negatively to a criticism, I take a deep breath and often choose to say nothing. If I can do this even for a few moments I find the desire to get upset or yell recedes. It takes practice, but it does work. Often, too even though you say you are not comfortable with it, just expressing how you feel to the other person really, really helps. For example, “I understand what you are saying, but I having difficulty accepting that right now.” or using your own words from above, “I’m working on accepting criticism, but its a bit difficult.”

I hope this helps,

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Amita,

How wonderful that you are taking some time to get to know yourself. My own spiritual journey has spanned many years, but I remember when I started out, not so sure of anything only knowing there was more to me than I had previously imagined. Yes, it felt confusing and I often felt like an alien in the world, unable to see the point of what was going on around, amazed at what I was discovering inside myself.

I was almost afraid to trust my new found self, scared of letting go of everything which was familiar to me. But I went for it anyway. I had been in so much pain for most of my life, with nothing that seemed important to everyone else having any meaning to me…My desire to know myself and have meaning in my life became an intention, and it was this strong intention which guided me to all I needed to know, everyone I needed to meet and to myself.

I would encourage you to simply let go of the need to feel comfortable with it all, and accept that change is not comfortable until you let go of needing it to be so. Trust is what happens when you let go and you will see as soon as you do this, that guidance will follow.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Peter,

Yes, my mind gets hooked on thoughts – I am sure everyone’s does, it’s part of mindfulness to know that is what happened! What helps me is to recognize the “hook” source, which is of course fear/my ego. Acknowledging the source and refusing to let it take over my mind, helps me get unhooked . It happens less, the more I have been able to do this. As I have learned the concept of acceptance too, it has been easier to let go. I accept that people and situations are not always the way I want them to be. I remind myself that I do not need to control anyone or anything around me and the only person I can change is me. By altering my perception of the words or event and coming from loving kindness for myself and others, the need to dwell on stuff in my mind diminishes.

Hope this helps.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Heather,

That is just such a great question – how do you stop reacting to his actions? Having been on the receiving end of abusive behavior, I sought the answer on a spiritual journey inside myself. When you start focusing on yourself, your own behavior, you realise that the only person you can change is you. I have discovered that most people come from fear not love and in coming from love, for yourself and for your ex-husband you change the way you feel. Forgiveness and perceiving other people’s words and behaviors differently, allows you to feel differently, to feel good. When I let go of the anger and offered forgiveness from a loving place inside myself, no-one else’s words or behaviors had the power to affect the way I felt.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Dear Torn,

Having spent a lot of years getting to know myself on the inside, I would venture to guess that what you are drawn to is the beauty on the inside of this woman. I would also say that what we are attracted to is a reflection of ourselves. Your longing for her, seems to be a longing to know yourself. There is so much more to each one of us than the physical and I believe the guidance we receive is always telling us this. Perhaps it is time to listen to the message and get to know who you really are?

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Melissa,

First I want to congratulate you on making the best decision possible, to leave this man the minute his verbal abuse turned into physical abuse. Second, I want to reassure you that his words and behavior had nothing whatsover to do with you. Abusive people’s behavior is a reflection of who they are, not who you are. I agree with Lori that meditation and getting in touch with your inner child are very helpful. I feel sure that his behavior will continue with other partners and hopefully someone else will report it. It was an awful situation to have gone through, but you are away from it now and it is important to focus on yourself, not what he is doing with his life. I am also sure that realizing that the anger you are feeling is only hurting you, will help you to let it go. Letting go of your anger does not mean condoning anyone else’s cruel behavior, it simply means that you choose to love yourself enough to free yourself from its grip.

Love and peace,
Marilyn