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Nina Sakura

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Viewing 15 posts - 271 through 285 (of 290 total)
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  • in reply to: Tips on better discipline #107735
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Okay Inky, thanks. At the moment, i need to devote about 3-4 hours a day to the online tutoring, 6 hours of exam study prep a day and the rest i can allocate for other activities. I tend to get lazy often. Thats the part i struggle with.

    in reply to: Always tend to get ignored… #107102
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Hey Chris,

    I guess you’re pretty tired from working those shifts and simply need some refreshment outside of work. Tell you what – try living with room-mates if you are living alone and spend your time in some quality reading. Online dating sites usually do not work the way we want and tinder is more of a booty call app anyway – try a site like goodreads for example, write reviews there on what you read. Keep your mind occupied, it will help if you dont have the time to go out. Or join quora for example, lot of quality users out there. Even medium.com is pretty good for inspirational articles.

    Regards,
    Nina

    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    And i think you will, over time dont we all start moving on and making peace with whatever has happened? Of course it cant be deleted, there is no delete button for the shit that happens in people’s lives. It does sound though that you have done what you could and have learned important lessons for life. In long-term perspective, you will make it a point to focus on friendships, to not repeat the same scenario again and will emerge stronger from this rough patch. This too shall pass. You’re a smart, good-looking and ambitious guy. Surely you will make it and fight this through.

    I am also glad you have that perspective as well on life. One thing that has given me a lot of strength over the years, especially in the middle of depression is the idea that “this too shall pass” – meaning i wouldn’t forget the pain, simply learn how to bear it. I found healing through lot of spiritual reading (all kinds really), more involvement in social work and regular exercise. Keeping my mind busy was one thing that helped me from totally breaking, wondering about the infinite possibilities that could go even worse…I dont know about your friend’s husband but i do believe that your friend doesnt think you are a bad person. Nah, it has more to do with her honoring her husband’s wishes.

    Eventually i hope you will find a way to make peace with whatever that has happened and get back to your peak performance.

    All the best to you. May the force be with you.

    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    @adyonfire4, you are experiencing heartbreak and intense loneliness in relatively new city. Its making it harder to bounce back from things and its understandable. My suggestion at the moment would be to regularly go for some form of counselling at first:

    1) free online chat based counselling – yourdost – some are pretty good and often we need that regular encouragement
    2) healtheminds – phone based counselling, quite reasonable
    3) There are several counselors in hyderabad as well.
    4) 7cups – more of general chat

    Also, start some volunteering work in the weekends – Nirmaan Foundation is pretty good. Meetups in the tech industry is a good way to network and stay occupied as well. Right now, you are feeling more frustrated because the dream isnt working out, the girl didnt and no friends, family around to support you. Something needs to fill up that void and you need to find ways to move forward.

    As for why she changed her number, the hard reality is this – she got married and her husband knows about you. Would it really be fair on him knowing you two had a history and she is still in touch with you, supporting you emotionally? Marriage changes things dude. Its not your fault, its just the situation. Right now though, as tempting as it may seem to curse yourself, your life and why this and that is happening, you gotta pick up the pieces, find ways to encourage yourself. Keep a good backup ready as well – too much gap wouldnt be very helpful anyway.

    Regards,
    Nina

    in reply to: Would you be suspicious if if were you? #106914
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Dear confusedandsuspicious,

    If you want peace of mind, don’t find fault with others but find fault rather with yourself. Learn to make the whole world your own. No one is a stranger my dear, the whole world is your own”

    Love is a potent factor in smoothening human relationships. Love allows growth and does not judge on strays incidents. Love is the first step to overcome fault finding.

    Your mind is restless right now. Some things in your past are still picking you, some aspects of your life feel dull – introspection would help you identify what is missing.

    Ask yourself if you truly love your husband and have faith in him. If both aren’t there in a relationship, it will break down. You will have to manage these tendencies in your thoughts to suspect him – when you feel suspicious, ask yourself these questions –

    Does P love me?
    Does he care for the kids?
    Has he ever harmed me?
    Has he ever intentionally hurt me?
    Is my relationship with P like that with my parents?

    We may go to docters, people for guidance but ultimately we have all the answers within us and the power to find peace. It’s a matter of reconnecting truly with love and not suspicion.

    in reply to: Mental "laws" #106782
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    My two cents – I dont believe in these laws. I think they are more of psychological tools – a lot of people in my family believe in the power of gemstones for example in attracting positive energy, warding off bad luck etc. I dont quite agree with this.

    I think that the belief that good things can happen will help us in sustaining our efforts to make them happen. They give us this strength to go on despite the troubles they we encounter.

    To be honest, I try not to have too many expectations now – good or bad – I like something, feel fine about it, go ahead with it. If something happens that isnt in my control, one has to let it go after a point. If i screw up, I still gotta move on eventually. Its a matter of choosing which bridges to cross and burn.

    The whole glamorization of these ideas is something i dont buy at all.

    in reply to: I proposed.. She confessed.. Guidance please #106450
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Hello lostsoul92,

    Lets consider the situation as i have understood so far –

    1) You started casually dating a girl in your office 20 months ago.
    2) Often her behavior indicated that she considered another guy a more suitable option as per understanding of some of his views on life.
    3) You have insecurity and commitment issues. The second you have appeared to have overcome but the first is there.
    4) Both of you have displayed a normal level of immaturity – your denial of making the relationship serious 2/3rd of the times, her attempts to tease all the time about others.
    5) Despite all this, you proposed and she told you some things that surprised you like hell though you kind of knew them anyway.

    My questions to you are:

    1) If her intentions were indeed dishonorable, then why would she tell you all of this when you proposed to her?

    2) Why are you being so adamant about being the only guy when all you insisted this relationship was casual and fun?

    “She also asked if I’d wanted to make the relationship more serious at least 2/3 times and again, I said no. I constantly told her the relationship was nothing but fun and once ‘the right guy offering marriage came along’, I’d be okay with letting her go. I guess I never thought she’d have the right guy in her mind already..”

    “Another thing is that I was her first.. Her first kiss, the first guy she’d ever let touch etc She said I’d been the first guy she’d ever let in and I always took this for granted and never showed any intention of staying.”

    Bdw in standard criteria, you are the only guy. Your girlfriend has casually tried to know someone and you were fine with that. Now why is it bothering you anyway?

    3) You wish she could have told you her thoughts earlier in last 20 months but then, has anything every happened with Imran worth telling? You never 100% confirmed that the relationship got serious anyway, then why should she bring this up before?

    4) Fine your girlfriend could have come clean but has she actually betrayed you?

    If she has said she will marry you, believe it and let the past be. Frankly nothing happened in the past anyway with another guy while you were around, albeit casually according to you? Do not let your pride ruin this.

    in reply to: Approaching 30: single and depressed #104768
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Hey dreaming,

    I get it. Everyone’s getting married or having babies while you cant even seem to have that successful dating phase – it must take a hit on your self-esteem – you must be feeling like something is wrong with you, maybe thats why this isnt working out for you.

    Firstly, ask yourself how your relationship with yourself is? Do you like yourself with or without a partner? How are the other areas in your life going – other relationships, career, your interests etc?

    Secondly, I dont think the universe doesnt want you to find someone. Its just that the universe wants you to slow down and let it go a bit, take it easy on yourself – when the time is right, we meet the right person without even trying. It just falls into place in some strange way. Let go of this cycle of dating for now and really relax. Breathe in, take a vacation with girlfriends or go alone.

    Thirdly, believe it or not, it is okay to feel pissed at what you’re going through. Its shitty to take in rejection after going into something. Consider the case of Ted Mosby for example – who wants to get married after meeting the right girl. He eventually does without even trying but there is a long story before that happens. He meets so many people who dont work out before that for example while his friends get married, have a baby…The only way you can start feeling better is to find something new to occupy your mind, to drive you outside of this pain. When you are ready, really ready, things will fall into place, trust me on this!

    in reply to: Anchorless #98513
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Dear DH,

    There is a lot of clarity in your way of writing. I do have some questions though –

    1) Breakup –

    Why did she leave and how long were you together? What is doing now?
    Do you blame your lack of purpose for the breakup?

    2) Career –

    What are the options you are looking at right now?

    3) Relationships –

    Are you referring to other relationships beyond the love ones that have been difficult to maintain?

    Regards,
    Nina

    in reply to: What are you feeling right now? #87964
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Sadness mixed with nostalgia, bittersweet feelings -a precious 2 year relationship ended amicably with the guy who was “the one” and lost a baby with. Glad i met him and loved him though, some things are not meant to be.

    Love and happiness – a new friendship with a most unexpected person who has had more losses than anyone i know…In the middle of a passionate infatuation and an endless support from both our sides – he too reeling from the death of a girl he loved. she died in his arms in those few minutes.

    Nervousness – upcoming exams and placement season in a few days…

    Clarity – Sometimes we have to let life be, let life take its course. At best we need to be proactive as people but not over-analyze.

    So yes, bittersweet happiness is the best word.

    Non, je ne regrette rien

    in reply to: Christianity works for me. How about you? #87513
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    @healingwords, thanks for add that point about the colonial factor involved in propagating religion across various parts of the world. This negates the whole Christianity was always there in the USA argument. Whether it should stay is purely subjective but freedom to practice one’s faith without harming others is essential.

    Glenda, I think I will elaborate a bit more – All the best to you. Good luck to you on “saving” us all from believing in what we believe, simply because it doesn’t agree with your thinking and scripture. If you believe that the path is indeed based on condemnation of those who wish to peacefully co-exist to appease the higher powers, I have nothing to say except, this world is in much need of more kindness, tolerance and solution-oriented approach, rather than adherence alone.

    in reply to: Christianity works for me. How about you? #87489
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    All the best Glenda.

    in reply to: Insomnia is Ruining my Life #87165
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Name,

    This might be a rather drastic way but it has helped me/forced me to reset the clock on some occasions (clock running awry thanks to worry, laziness, partying with friends etc) – i stay up the whole night, do not sleep and then head straight to classes. Its pretty painful but darn it makes sure i fall asleep like a log by the next night cuz i am so tired. The trick is not to sleep during the night or day any time no matter how tired you are – thanks to this, i plonk off to sleep by 10 pm and end up waking up on time. While you are up at night, have some movie marathon – do not do it on the bed during the last few hours of the night/early morning – that ensures you fall asleep and wake up at 11 am, 1:30 pm etc and miss school.

    Try this out and hope it works for you to reset the clock.

    Another thing is to disconnect from electronic devices, have an hour of relaxing rituals of sorts, which will ensure your body actually unwinds – i understand the psychological factor is there too but lets be real, right now, you cant move away from where you are and i understand that. However, there are ways to work around it and get back on track on the important stuff like school.

    in reply to: An Act Of Kindness That Helped You #86786
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Yep my story is pretty dramatic but had quite an effect on me at that point. Thank you for sharing @inky 🙂

    in reply to: How do I stop wanting to be appreicated by everybody #86640
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Dear Bench,

    This topic resonates with me. Obviously we need appreciation from others. Thats an important part of building up our self-esteem when we are growing up. I think the issue is lack of confidence in yourself and also the awareness – the good thing is that you have time to start finding your own voice outside the media, outside the people around you.

    This means actually going for activities, trying out new things and keeping a journal about your thoughts. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert. The problem is also the shyness because that indicates anxiety really more than anything else. I think author Susan Cain really helped me in understanding that difference.

    Consider these questions :

    1) Can you really please everybody?

    2) Who are you and who do you want to be?

    3) How many costumes will you try till you find the one you actually try? People assume its the costume that matters but its the process of trying to change that really does the magic.

    4) Will you necessarily be the same person in the next 5 years, in the next 10 years?

    5) What do you do when you are alone with yourself?

    6) Will you always be socially challenged or is it something that you will learn to cope with over time?

    7) What can you do love and help others unconditionally?

    Some of these questions will take a long time to answer, even a life-time but i truly believe now that we cant change where we came from, but we have control over where we go. We got one life and there is a lot of growth that can come from our supposed problems. In the end though, we need to really look after ourselves no matter what.

    These movies helped me a lot in finding some insights :

    1) The Perks of being a wall-flower
    2) The tale of Princess Kaguya
    3) Dead Poets Society
    4) Paradise Kiss (the anime, not the movie!)
    5) Kung fu Panda

    There are more but i forgot lol 😛

    PS: I am 24 years old and I havent made $1 M a year or on some cover – heck i have screwed up way more in the last 4 years trying to change but the only difference is now i am failing more because i am trying new things – even coming across more successes. Sure, there are people doing better than me, even worse sometimes but the important thing is, I walk my own path and write my own story, have faith that though i havent reached the destination, I am on my way.

Viewing 15 posts - 271 through 285 (of 290 total)