Hey anita

Thats how im still feeling sort of. I dont know if that was the reason entirely, i think its more complicated than that.Could be me having commitment issues that i wasnt aware of. Well my reality wasnt bad before i met her, just a bit repetitive and sometimes boring, but it was fine. I am not sure because i really wanted to meet her, that was what i was thinking about for the past 3 months, meeting her and do things with her, have a great time. I had imagined it plenty of times, so i dont think it was because of this, it would have happened sooner.

Thomas
Thank you for your reply. I wasnt planning on this to happen and it has never happened to me before, thats why i am losing my mind over it. What do you mean a seperate peace or piece?
I am into therapy currently trying to work on it. I thought i found one and this happened..

Its probably because of the girl that i feel guilty about and i dont wanna lose like this 🙁

I am not good with arts (poems-painting) but what u said reminded me of my childhood when i was doing stuff with nature. Planting-cutting grass-watering it, it was very grounding and calming indeed, i might have to do that again. Its kinda cold here now (0 and below some days) but its sunny so i can do that too.

Thats what ive been doing for the past 2.5 months.. Ive seen the thing with the senses that u are talking about, but always was too lazy to try it haha. Gonna definitely try it when i get stuck in ruminating again. Im trying to focus on things i see and hear outside mostly but it doesnt rly help

I know and i hate that things turned out this way..I guess i might be using the ‘in love’ feelings to give color to my life, but i have to find that within.
How do we do that, anita? 🙂

I know this is what i should do but i cant get her out of my mind. She feels emotionally drained aswell and we agreed to take space to focus on ourselves again.

My longest was this 9 months one.

She was distant mostly because of my own disconnection (which happened 1 month before) and she is also kinda hard to trust in general, until she feels safe/familiar. I was doubting everything because my mind was playing all the time “u are a bad person, u are stringing her alone, u are hurting her” and so on.. Maybe its ocd.

Visit was fun (if u exclude my damn mind) and the last day was nice, we kissed a lot, it was full of chemistry.

Haha yeah kinda like that, nice depiction.

I like the emojis!

Im off to sleep, talk tomorrow 🙂