Is it possible that you aren’t really missing this guy “who you feel never really loved you” but instead miss the person you felt you were when you were in relationship? Missing the imagined future that you imagined and felt possible while you were with him.

To move forward its important to become conscious of what it is we are really morning the loss of. Taking time to mourn a loss is an important part of the process however one needs to be very clear on what they are mourning.

Your post indicates that you know why the relationship wasn’t going to work (possible that it wasn’t related to love at all just the stuff of life)

We tend to repeat and recreate our past, however that is not because we are unworthy or gluten for punishment, (though some are) but because our authentic Self wants us to heal the past. I know it sounds strange but changing perspective on why the past keeps repeating can be a doorway out. Your authentic Self knows you are worthy, lovable, and deserving. You are worthy, lovable and deserving. It’s the ego small s self that fears its not worthy or deserving.  Create some space, change perspective and you will change the story your telling yourself. You may discover that it was the story that was driving your emotions and current experience. A story filled with unhelpful labeling and judgments.

“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality. -Seneca

Sometimes we don’t get to know why someone we cared about moves on without us. (Sometime we must give to ourselves what we hope to have be given by others) It hurts. Not only do we mourn the loss of the friend we mourn the loss of the imagined future. For what ever reason often it’s the loss of the imagined future that hurts the most… perhaps because it leaves us uncertain about the future.  Of course, the future is never certain the first step is the practice of letting go and returning to the present.

Another step to moving forward is in accepting doubt. Doubt is to Faith as Fear is to Courage. It is in times of doubt that we discover and exercise our Faith (even if we are unsure of our Faith (what we lean on in times of doubt)

Doubt does not have to end in a loss of confidence. There is a time for all things even doubt. This may be a time for doubt, for you not to know, a time to sit in the wound and wonder (The etymology of the word “wound” comes for the Germanic word, “wunde”.  A direct derivative of this word is “wunder”.  And in English, that word is translated as “wonder” – it is often during moments of pain when we discover how to be alive and that is a wonder) In other words don’t fight what your feeling, feel it and see what it has to tell you. As you become more connected to your self, like will attract like and you will find the friends you hope for. You will find your tribe

The following book might be helpful – The Five Longings, What We’ve Always Wanted and Already Have

“There are five longings deep within us. They are for love, meaning, freedom, happiness, growth. Each of these five reveals us to ourselves, showing us what we want, what our life is for, what keeps us going, what keeps us looking. Longings are mysterious. We often can’t quite name or explain them. Nor can they ever be perfectly, fully, or finally gratified. We shyly or loudly bring our longings to others. Sometimes we find more than we hoped for, sometimes less. Our healthy practice is a radical one: We notice and ask for some fulfillment of our longings from those we trust. We give up expecting all or perfect satisfaction. We notice that we have longings for the lasting in a world that is always changing. We can take that as a clue to the presence of something transcendent in us. With such spiritual consciousness we finally discover that all five longings reflect qualities in our true nature. We are seeking what we are.”

When you’re in transition, you will need to find a different kind of security. It’s not one of labels, guarantees or bank balances. It’s guidance – the directions of your own inner voice. Moment by moment you know what to do. You are safer than ever before. Tama J. Kieves

From reading your post it sounds like you know what you want to do the only question is if you will follow. That does not necessary mean having to immediately jumping without a net,,, though the time will come when a jump will be required. It took me years to prepare the way for my career change, but that is my personality I need a idea or vision to work towards and most of the time my vision wasn’t clear so I took one step at a time.

You can’t force yourself to say “yes” to a bigger life. You will do it in your way. You will do it when smallness hurts too much. Tama J. Kieves

I found the following book helpful. ‘This Time I Dance!: Creating the Work You Love’ by Tama Kieves

We all look for what will make us happy in life, but we don’t always make the choices that we should when it comes to sustaining that happiness. Tama Kieves shows how to do just that: how to stay happy and employed doing something you love, and what it takes to stop being a stressed-out worker and make peace with your career-and, most important, with yourself. Filled with solutions to the anxieties and roadblocks you may confront on your path, This Time I Dance! is for all those who are unfulfilled at work and uncertain of the practical steps that they should follow to achieve their dreams.

“This grand show is eternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is never all dried at once; a shower is forever falling; vapor is ever rising. Eternal sunrise, eternal sunset, eternal dawn and gloaming, on sea and continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls.”—Joh n Muir

Spring turns to Summer, Summer turns to Fall, Fall turns to Winter, Winter turns to Spring. Life is a cycle of constant change, death (as in letting go) and rebirth.

Physiologically the key moments of transition happen as we mature: 1. Infancy: 2. Early childhood: 3. Middle childhood: 4. Late childhood: 5. Adolescence: 6. Early adulthood: 7. Mature adulthood: 8. Old age:

When we enter into the transition of early adulthood we are confronted with what we were taught – school, societal expectations, family traditions, expectations, labels… and our own experience of life. The task here is to make what we believe our own. More often then not we start this task unconsciously which is why we might lash out at others.

We want to belong and we want to become our authentic self. The tension we experience as we take ownership of our thinking and feeling can be experienced as threatening to those that love us as well as ourselves. If we think and want different things then, what we might think, our family wants of us do we still belong, will we still be loved. In this uncertainty we lash out, angry not just at others but mostly at ourselves which we project onto others.  It can be a very confusing time

Making the process of the transitions of life conscious we can respond to the uncertainties instead of react to them. This is where the practice of meditation comes in handy. When we own our thoughts and emotions there is no need to lash out

There is no shame in seeking out professional to help you untangle your thoughts and emotions. If there is no one in your area there are plenty of helpful books.  You may find the work of Clarissa Pinkola Estés helpful – ‘Women Who Run With the Wolves (If your open to the idea of symbolic language and story) Or David Ricco – How to be an Adult (everyone should read that book)

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” ― Pema Chödrön

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.” – yoda

My intention is not to be flippant… that is exactly what you will discover as you practice noticing your jealousy and choosing to allow the thoughts and emotion to pass through vice fixating on them and projecting them onto others.

By noticing and acknowledging that being jealous of others is not who you wish to be you are on the path to move past such emotions. You also appear to be aware that your jealousy is a projection of anger onto others whose way of being somehow reveals perceived personal shortcomings within yourself.  Knowing this you can start to practice being grateful to those that show you where you hope to do better and in this way, can be happy for them and yourself.

(Practice when viewed as trying assumes that what we are trying to do is perfect and certain which can close the door to learning better and loving oneself as we are. Practice as a way of being and doing has the goal of learning better and learning better doing better which opens the door to creativity and gratefulness. )

“The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes. ”

“Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already.”― Pema Chödrön

• This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Peter.

Having a professional therapist to talk to can be a great help in untangling one’s thoughts and emotions. It sounds like you’re in a place where your open to that and ready to do the work to help you move forward. Trust your intuition.

Your post reminded me of a book I read long ago – ‘Learning to Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life by Philip Simmons’

“From our first faltering steps, we may fall into disappointment or grief, fall into or out of love, fall from youth or health. And though we have little choice as to the timing or means of our descent, we may, fall with grace, to grace.”

I believe that to be a truth. The moment we are born we are falling. We can fall arms and legs flailing around in fear and panic or like a skilled sky diver arms and legs spread out enjoying the ride.

I read somewhere that at some level those that become therapists do so in the hopes of fixing and understanding their own issues. If you were helping someone with this empty feeling how would you say to them?

Everyone needs to feel needed and appreciated however you want to be careful it doesn’t become a compulsion and or means to distract yourself from your own becoming.