Dear Seekingwisdom,

Some Lyme Disease test are more accurate than others, and false positive / negatives can happen. If you live somewhere where Lyme disease happens maybe a retest?

The only other thing I might suggest is an environmental elimination test to see if there is anything that your daughter is being exposed to that is effecting her health.

Not sure what hemisphere you live in, but when the weather is warm perhaps go on a camping trip (school holidays) and try to stay 4 – 5 nights minimum (more would be better if possible). Take / buy older – tent and equipment such as foam camping mattresses (less off gassing), eat only healthy whole foods, chose somewhere that has low Electromagnetic radiation (ie no free wi-fi and no cell / tv towers in distance), keep everything on airplane mode (and use mobile phone only for emergency), keep a good distance from other tents, try to avoid personal hygiene products (shampoo, deodorant, soaps etc unless all natural) and if you need insect repellent try natural herbs etc.

At the minimum you get to have a holiday and spend some quality time with your daughter strolling in nature, swimming and catching up on novels…so not to much to lose to give it a try?

I’m sensitive, to a list of things, which was causing a lot of pain and symptoms, including chest, skin and nerve pain and I adjusted my lifestyle which gave my body time to heal (still sensitive to some things but not so many things now)

Best wish to you and your daughter.

Dear Annie,

You ask ‘Am I wrong’? Trust your self ! You are making very good choices, the very BEST choices, for your life and happiness. Your mother is not good at making good choices!, she is Not thinking about you having a good, healthy, happy, Balanced life…her thoughts on life are that as long as your physical needs are met (things money can buy) you are to be happy. But you are so much more sensible and know that isn’t so!

I don’t even know your mother and I am angry (and I have never felt angry here on TB) with her and her bad decisions ! -‘After my mother found out I had depression and was in therapy, she still made me go out with this man again’… am I even reading this right?? She knew but still wanted you to go on another date with such a vile man, that could do that to you??. She knew? Have I miss understood?? Imagine what life would be like to marry such a ‘man’! you can imagine but she can not…her thinking is so off! you know this in your heart?. Even if she didn’t know the part about him forcing himself onto you, the very fact you didn’t want to go on another date should of been honored by her!, Any date with anyone!

Sometimes it is hard to break free and start living your own life, sometimes guilt can make it hard. Guilt at wanting the chance of a happy life? to chose your own path? So guilty and controlled you were made to go on another ‘date’

You have been been given this guilt and control by your parents – give it back to your parents. Remind yourself Always you are so very capable, and you are making the best decisions for your own life.

Your idea to live with friends, is a wonderful plan! You are having such a great time at Uni and making your life so good for yourself. You are making such lovely decisions weighing up people, choosing good friends and boyfriend, who is so support!.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Snails.

Dear Starfish

I am sorry that this relationship, that has ended recently was also abusive. It sounds like you endured a lot for your marriages and that perhaps you put yourself aside to help others but not yourself.

I like your spirit Starfish, you sound very caring and this caring has produced two lovely children. It is time for you to care for yourself.

You are doing great things…you meditate, soul search, are positive and try to better yourself. May I ask? do you feel that you have healed from any pains of your past, in you childhood? Have you spend time being curious on why you bonded so strongly that you allowed yourself to be pushed down, in these two relationships you have described here? Sometimes it might be easier to talk to a trained councilor who can help direct you in areas where you might look, if you find it tricky to find these answers. I think maybe you might need a little practice in caring about yourself too. You have a lot of love in you, share it with yourself. Know you deserve to be treated as you wish your grown children are treated in a relationship.

You say ‘ I just want to be an independent thriving, women’. It seems to me you are stepping in the right direction. You are looking for a new job. I wish you well, you have always had a place to work, given a bit more time you’ll find a job again. It will come.

Starfish you say ‘I don’t have a real passions for a particular job’.. this is fine, sometimes our passions aren’t always our full time jobs. But what do you enjoy ? what makes you happy and absorbs you? You mention that you are a creative person, maybe as you say you didn’t have the opportunely to develop this area, it’s time. What type of creatively do you enjoy ? I think it important to express yourself in an artistic way if that’s a part of you. Months ago I searched around and found a really nice group of people to be with while creating, not only is it fun but it’s peaceful and nurturing for the sole. It’s great to have an interest or two, Have you similar groups in the area you live? What makes you happy?

Best wishes

Hi Peach,

Welcome to TinyBuddha.

Sleeping in? That’s can mean different things. For my partner, before we had kids, he’d sleep in till 12pm -2pm but now even with the kids getting older, a very good sleep in would be after 8am xD. So of cause this makes a huge difference on how the rest of the day can be spent…what is a ‘sleep in’ to you?

You say ‘He goes to the pub after work’ .. may I ask how often/week? you don’t have to answer just wondering, because is he having to sleep in both days of the weekend to ‘catch’ up on sleep because he’s been burning both sides of the candles?
Perhaps discuss a compromise with him? like he can sleep in on one of his days off as long as he wants?? 🙂 but he might set the alarm for a ‘reasonable’ time on the other day he’s off, so you can both enjoy each others company…I agree that a good marriage should not only be work, sleep and tv. It’s not a good habit and can lead to ‘boredom with the partnership’ if it becomes the norm. So some ideas together for ‘some’ quality time together…it’s not an unreasonable request. When my partner has been away and has jet lag, quality time usually ends up being a ‘board game’ and some good talking together for us, bets tv, and he gets to rest at home.

I can relate to finding it difficult to venture out to meet people as I’m a bit of a recluse myself but I really recommend you give it a go ok, it’s good for you and it’s good for your partner if you also find happiness outside of you two only. Before you moved did you have a hobby or pass time that might help you mingle and get to know a group of like minded people in your new area?

Best wishes
Snails

Jack you effectively shut down any other views on what I was saying – if anyone else saw what I was truly trying to say it, to express it here would now mean they are too are ‘against Anita’
Truely Anita I have never been against you but probably after the last post when you now say you have never understood any of my previous posts I don’t feel like hugging you as much – I find how you are now saying you don’t understand me at all and asking for back up to be the very things you said about me a ‘trap, manipulative, prejudging’

Dear Anita,
I had a busy day yesterday and than wanted to sleep on it (I had a very strange dream from it ..so wont go into it xD).

I see you have written more but I’ve set myself a small amount of time to type this out, I’ve already written in pencil my words (I’ll type below), as I’ve plans for today. But umm… trap, manipulative, prejudging? how would you feel if you were given these words? I will agree I can be indirect sometimes, I thinks that’s more to to do with insecurities than the word ‘manipulation’ , the word you use. It was not my intention for you to feel trapped by my questions. I also will stand up for myself and say I feel you are being more harsh with me than my posts deserved, and I hope you put your ‘fighting cat Anita’ away, I only wish to feed her milk.
————————–
‘This question is a trap’.. no I didn’t mean this to be, at least on my side of things.. but I do now wonder why you think that is?. I will agree with you in that when people ask questions , people often can / do think ahead on what might be the answer – that’s human nature… as you have also done with my posts.

So I wonder, are you glad you are the person you are today, living the life you are today because as I have explained in the last post it is my experience that if you talk about the past a lot.. the bad bits (without any benefit as you all learnt all you can already from it), it effects today. I ask because I would like to hear if this is correct for you? I could guess.. but to get your truth, I ask you.
‘How do you feel you have come out of the other side?’ – may have been a different way of saying it, but I wonder more specifically than that.. to the questions I asked.

Since it seems? you would like to hear my subconscious thought on what answers I ‘guess’ you may give? I will say I wonder this as in some of your posts I feel hurt from you still, and it effects your happiness today. I could be way off, that’s why I ask. Maybe you only mention your past and hurts, in a place of healed as much as possible and now share to help open others up so they are more comfortable to share things they haven’t healed enough about to move on from?

Best wishes

If I wanted to make myself feel down, I could by focusing on the bad stuff from childhood – but what would I achieve, to keep reliving it?… after you’ve learnt as much as possible, got as much as you can from it?

When I read the words -strength, resilience, that they wouldn’t be the people they are today.. someone they are glad to be – that seems to me to be such a good place they’ve led themselves, or what you could pay someone to help you achieve. When you know in your heart that there was positives that came from negatives, is it not easier to thank your inner child to of experienced this/ live through this, for you because you now are the person you are today?

Besides the above, another thing I’m happy I gained from my childhood is a low happiness threshold, it doesn’t take all that much to make me happy and feel content. Mostly the way I see it is, I’ll probably live to be in my 80’s and if I were to be granted one wish I wouldn’t use it to change my childhood when I’ve got so many years in front and just going down to the Mega Office Supply shop is fun for me?

Anita I’ve read a lot of your posts, you came across very caring. I’m glad you were strong enough to of survived your childhood. Are you glad you are the person you are today? living the life you are living today?
I hope you are having a content and happy day today.

Dear Inky,

My partner is friends with someone who is JW, and even suggested and gave him a character reference for a job at the company my P. works for.

They’re both open enough to of enjoyed a few religious debates, but my P has never felt like his friend pressures to convert him (or maybe his friend just realizes you can’t get blood from a stone xD). The main idea my partner was trying to open up is the idea that God is probably fairly flexible (they both have a third common friend who is heavily christian)…. so these two religious friends believes the other will not have an after life because of the day of the week they practice! Saturday vs Sunday:) ….and well I suppose both these two friends probably think my partner and I haven’t a chance at all !! xD … not only do we live in ‘sin’ we’ve also chosen to have our two children out of wed lock !! xD

Perhaps it depends on which JW place of worship they attend and how ‘extreme’ that particular congregation is?

During my last year of Uni one of my best friends there got married and they rented a home with a separate downstairs area with the intention her sister share it. But the arrangement soon felt through because of a job offer for her sister elsewhere. My friend hinted and I accepted the offer to rent with her as living on campus was to noisy.

As they were newly married and both Very religious but neither like the others church enough, they ‘shopped’ around together. There was a big difference to how these churches they tried out were run and the ‘rules’….and yes some didn’t like to much outside mingling (non congregation members)

They didn’t really try hard to convert me…or maybe I just didn’t feel threatened that she was?… like when they went off to church she’d call down ‘would you like to come along’.
My friend used to come down stairs in the evenings and share our uni study area and once she did cry because I didn’t go to church… she was sad to think I’d end up ‘in hell’…but she explained herself very well and I could tell she did it with love for me. We had a very long chat about it all. I wasn’t uncomfortable with her thinking I’d end up in hell, I was kind of sad for her being so upset because she cared for me and my ‘future’, and I thanked her a lot for her concern.

We got on fine she accepted that I wouldn’t be joining them to go to church and ‘yes’ I was very comfortable in knowing I would go to hell (if I was wrong) but she also knew that in my eyes I feel I’ll still end up somewhere as long as I try to be a good person. She still would called down on that they’re off to church now and I’d call back up a cheerful see ya later xD

Inky if it were my son who was good friends with the JW next door, I’d still let him play with him… the world is full of so much nonacceptance.. I believe if you have a happy and loved life, and you have strong morals and values it’s kind of more difficult to have strong beliefs changed…I’d probably have a quick friendly family chat about all the different religions and how you’re happy your family’s religion is very open to let everyone decide how they practice their beliefs and day to day life. I think it’s a good thing to expose our children to different beliefs (not having to practice them but the ideas behind them) and the idea that others are feel to live their own lives. Perhaps it might be nice to invite your sons friend to your home more often than theirs, if you’re uncomfortable or you believe that they are giving religious instructions there? but a quick chat with your son would confirm this?

And for your friend maybe if she isn’t open to you having different ideas, perhaps agree to avoid religion discussion and see if you can just enjoy each others company? maybe if she brings it up you could let her know how you care for her so much and if she could consider ‘shopping around’ at different places of worship, especially if she starts to feel even any slight comfortableness in their ideas and rules?… I’ve found that if someone is very focus on an idea arranging a ‘doing’ outing gets everyone focused on the moment and sharing some light fun and laughter instead

Best wishes

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Snails.