“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson
Love terrifies me.
After having loved, courted, and married the love of my life, things went sour. Over the course of a few years, our marriage crumbled and our relationship came to a sudden halt.
When you’ve only been with one person, loved that person to the core, and believed that person to be your soul mate, you take the breakup unusually hard.
Yes, tears. Yes, sorrow. Yes, seclusion. Yes, withdrawal. Yes, not wanting to get out of bed.
I experienced every symptom of heartbreak …
“Getting over a past relationship is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis
I recently stumbled into a clothing store where everything was full of life and color, until I saw the sales clerk.
She had obviously been crying. I perused the merchandise and hesitatingly asked her a question about an item. Tears welled up in her eyes and she said, “I’m sorry, I’m so overwhelmed. My boyfriend just broke up with me.”
I wasn’t prepared for that answer, but as I looked at her more closely I saw …
“The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.” ~Ralph Blum
Divorce. Not an activity that I ever had on my to-do list and not something I contemplated when I got engaged in Paris. Who does?
We’ve all heard the statistics that one in three marriages ends in divorce. Yet this is something that happens to someone else and certainly not a possibility to focus on while skipping down the aisle.
People change or they don’t, as the case may be. Unless both parties are exceptional communicators, it can be challenging to stay on the …
“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over.” ~Mandy Hale
Heartbreak. It’s a hard thing to go through. And the pain—it’s real, isn’t it? Like tangible pain. Almost as if that person, throughout the time we were with them, emblazoned our hearts with tiny little hooks and, one by one, they’re being wrenched out. Sounds dramatic, but that’s how it felt to me!
This recent breakup has been the most significant in my life so far. …
“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown
If you’re like me, you’re hard on yourself—and I mean hard.
You analyze your decisions and try to somehow calculate the results of your actions to feel a sense of certainty. Little did you know that searching for the certainty causes all of your insides to do flips and only causes more uneasiness.
What I always wonder is where did the need to know come from? I remember being a free spirit with no worries as a child (as …
“Don’t let past relationships ruin your future happiness. Scars remind us of where we’ve been, not where we are going.” ~Unknown
I believe that the breakdown of relationships can lead to some of the most powerful lessons we learn in life.
When someone who we’ve been close to suddenly steps out of our lives, it can leave a huge emotional void. It can conjure up feelings of loneliness, vulnerability, anger, sadness, fear, and hurt, and the natural reaction is to go on a desperate mission to fill that void.
My relationship recently broke down. It was my choice, and though …
“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit
We all know at least one person who we think needs a self-help course or book more than we do. They’re the “wrong” ones, at least in our minds.
I once was in a relationship with a man who seemed to have placed me at the bottom of his priority list. He would always be too busy playing sports or going out with his coworkers to spend time with me.
I found myself modifying my weekend schedule to match …
“If you light a lamp for someone else, it will also brighten your path.” ~Buddha
It’s long been declared that the nature of life is based on survival of the fittest; that we all must constantly compete to survive.
And maybe, in some ways this is true.
But what if there were another truth, something that is even more powerful than competition?
What if cooperation is our true natural state?
Consider this: love is more powerful than hate.
Hope is more powerful than fear.
And if we believe in love and hope, then we believe in the power of unity. …
“The beautiful things about setbacks is they introduce us to our strengths.” ~Robin Sharma
It was morning, March 2009. My alarm announced another ho-hum weekday.
On the outside, I had it pretty together. I was living the corporate NYC life with a great apartment, a steady relationship, and a solid paycheck. But in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn’t as happy as I made myself out to be.
I didn’t know what I really wanted, and I constantly felt like I should just stop complaining in my head and make the best of things.
So, with every …
“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.” ~Unknown
I am at a phase in my life right now where I’m struggling with loneliness.
Most of the time, I feel a deep sense of disconnection from the world around me and the people I share it with.
The mere fact that I am writing this in the small hours of the morning, deafened by the ear-splitting silence of an empty flat, unable to sleep, simply emphasizes this point to me even harder.
The empty flat in question is …
“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown
I’ve learned to be thankful for my first heartbreak.
Of course, at the time of the crime I struggled to see anything positive in it. My mind could see the good, but my heart struggled against it.
It was literally as if someone stabbed my heart; there was a problem that caused my body to stop working properly. I couldn’t cry. I didn’t eat for a week. I didn’t sleep for two. And my …
“All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~Sir Thomas Browne
Anyone who has ever gone through some sort of heartbreak knows what awful pain it can cause, both physically and mentally. It can be devastating, shattering, and overwhelming for your spirit.
In the beginning of 2012 I had my heart broken by a person who I thought was “the one.”
Between tears and desperate calls, I found myself searching the Internet for remedies to get over an ex. I knew I was a strong person, but I just couldn’t see anything becoming brighter or better ever.
I constantly …
“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” ~Kenji Miyazawa
I used to run from pain.
My father died suddenly when I was six. For years I stuffed it down, never letting anyone know my emotions, how I was feeling, and I ran from situations that could cause me to lose, to feel pain.
My heart would jump and feel fear every time I received bad news or a “bad” email from a boss. I only wanted to feel good things. I stayed out of relationships for fear of the eventual loss and bad feelings, …
“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown
When my last relationship ended, I found myself suddenly questioning what my goals honestly meant to me. I had focused my past five years steadily chasing a very specific dream with this woman (creating joy, art, and a community in NYC, adopting some dogs, and eventually moving back to California to start a family together).
At least that’s what we thought we were chasing.
When we realized that our lives together had become static, that we lacked engaging …
“Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
For much of my life, I lived for approval and acceptance from family members, friends, and co-workers. I can’t recall not considering what people thought about my actions or what I had said, wondering if I could have done them better. I was always thinking of others and their feelings toward me.
It was a constant battle in my head, and it was starting to drain me of my peace.
No matter what they had done to me in the past, no matter how …
You may have found your way here after reading the May 2013 issue of Cosmopolitan.
If so, welcome! My name is Lori Deschene and I’m the founder of Tiny Buddha. I’m excited to introduce you to the site and share a little about myself, the community, and Tiny Buddha’s mission.
A Tiny Story About This Site
Tiny Buddha began on Twitter in 2008, where early followers received one daily quote. The website launched in September 2009 with one mission: to provide a space where we can all share our stories and lessons to help each other and ourselves.
I wanted …
“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” ~Iyanla Vanzant
Have you ever had an experience that took you to emotional rock bottom? One that left you drained, broken, and totally numb? Your life shattered, and you scrambling to pick up the pieces and put them back together?
It might sound like a cliché, but sometimes it really is darkest just before dawn. Rock bottom can be a great place to start to rebuild yourself. …
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins
It seems on some level we must know that nothing lasts forever. That knowledge must be built into our DNA; surely our cells know their own mortality, that entropy is an unavoidable fact of life.
So why do we fight the inevitable? Why do we crave security and consistency? Illusion that it is, we look for promises where it’s not possible for them to be made.
We buy all kinds of insurance, telling ourselves that if we spend that …
“To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.” ~Unknown
Life has been strange the past few days.
All summer there was a trip or an event to count down to the final move—my brother’s wedding in Sedona, Captiva Island with my boyfriend’s family, Thailand with a girlfriend and, finally, a week in Atlanta.
I have nine days left before the movers come, and I feel as though I’m existing in a space without anything to hold on to.
My world here in Florida will soon be a memory, and I have no way of …
“A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.” ~Kahlil Gibran
Have you ever read a book or a blog post and felt a profound sense of clarity—like you knew exactly what you needed to do—only to find yourself feeling paralyzed by the same old struggles hours or days later?
Have you ever listened to advice and felt certain you could apply it, only to find your resolve weakening when you were left to your own devices?
I have had these experiences many times before.
I remember when I was going through my hardest …
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
