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  • March 28, 2014 at 10:55 am #53707

    In reply to: Anxiety over everything ruling my life

    Mike
    Participant

    Hey Becky,
    I too have and still do battle with anxiety, depression, and sometimes just total self destruction. I am also an older guy(53), I’m opening this way not to discourage you but to also let you know your not alone! Here goes: first of all try holding your breath til you pass out or die, Failed didn’t you! now try laughing to death, failed didn’t you! This is something I learned in therapy, people like us tend to embellish our realities as if no one else has these problems or signs. yeah signs! that’s what most of these feelings are signs of what we need to investigate inside our selves with kindness and understanding, that this is a life long journey. As with any journey its easier embarked upon with a plan. First try laughing and holding your breath til you die as I mentioned earlier; once you’ve realized that these are unnecessary worries try some others .Your going to find out that your feeling and living your thoughts. As we both know we are not our thoughts, we are not our feelings. So for now the plan is to investigate and prove to yourself that some of these fears are not realistic. Secondly a therapist can be a great help? I went through maybe a dozen therapists before I found the right one. It’s not “one stop shopping”, if its not a good fit keep looking. We want help so much sometimes we will settle for anyone who is willing to listen I don’t know if this is your case but you need to know your in control! You came here no one forced you! Your in control! There I said it twice “CONTROL” this is what we want and this is usually what’s holding us back from peace of mind. We don’t need control we need to be grounded and once we’re grounded we can investigate our demons rationally. I could go on and on but it wont help you anymore at this point. So I want to finish by saying “I feel your pain” and there’s a solution: it’s all inside of you I recommend looking into getting grounded before going any further. Great sources are Tiny Buddha, Tich Nat Hanh, and Pema Chodrun. Also mentioned in other posts; just breathe, yoga, meditation (not easy but worth trying and trying again and again) and a willingness to fail and get back up again. I hope to see you on here again. Namaste..

    March 27, 2014 at 10:49 am #53653

    In reply to: Anxiety over everything ruling my life

    Becky
    Participant

    Thank you. It is very much a daily battle against my anxiety and sometimes I feel worse than others. I definetley do a lot of fighting with myself and I find it hard to accept sometimes. Sometimes I just feel paralyzed by my anxiety. I have heard about yoga for anxiety before maybe I should look in to it 🙂

    March 27, 2014 at 2:25 am #53625

    In reply to: Ennui and Love

    Gavin
    Participant

    Thanks for your further insights Matt. I think I’ve turned to something in all three facets of material, sense and cushion that you mention! In terms of the aspects of romance, I’d say the overriding negative feeling I get is simply one of a certain envy (which I think many of us struggle with) for the people I see in relationships, and I do all I can to examine and neutralise such feelings with reflections and perceptions of various moral value – that maybe any one particular woman I encounter just wouldn’t be right for me, that it’s just not the right time for me, and even perhaps with a more tragic feeling that many of these couples around me have likely entered into their relationship by chasing happiness and dragging their material wealth around them. On balance I’ll also say that I do rest compassionately at other times and cultivate warm feelings too, with hopes that they might have found something good and lasting, or at least that they’re experiencing exactly what they need right now in the present moment. This does have the downside of making me question why the universe isn’t being so benign with me – I feel as though I’ve spent enough time trapped in repeating patterns and solitude, but if I had to guess it’s that I’m having to go through this rumination before reaching a definitive path of progress (!?). I can certainly remember the wonderful feelings which I think we all crave in such union, and the anxiety I do get is definitely a fear that this is something which will elude me for the rest of my life since I seem to have inadvertently disconnected myself from real heart contact with others by becoming too mindfully composed (the “cushion” I suspect you allude to). I know this is likely just an illusion of anxiety, but it certainly feels like a fatalistic truth at the moment.

    I think I’m a little lost with respect to what you talk about when you mention cultivating spaciousness behind the practice of happiness, unless your intent is simply to convey the act of creating a zone of mindfulness, to absorb and reflect peacefully upon the up’s and down’s as they move through our moment-by-moment living experience? For certain maintaining a joyous state is a tough one, though I have to admit that I think it is not unknown to me.. just a bit fleeting. As I think about this I suspect my anxieties are too strong for me to live in a perpetual state of joy – I don’t think I’m made of quite such strong stuff, but they do seem to be at least manageable, if transiently painful. In a way I think I might fear being in a perpetually joyful state if I’m already struggling with feeling disconnected! This experience of joy I get is certainly present and most obvious and powerful to me when I’m surrounded by nature. A good walk through the local woods into the city or any green space does me no end of good and I generally feel very lifted by this. Perhaps I’m focused too much on trying to feel happiness and not enough on just moving through life – maybe I’ve gone too far into feeling and lost my motivation and enthusiasm because I’ve overloaded myself (again)? I’m not sure I can even quantify all such implications properly, but I do feel worn out. Maybe I just need to take some time out, pace myself and trust that things will settle down soon? One thing we can agree on is that I have a mind in need of some help with all this, but with the exception of anyone here I have no one else who I can dip into these matters with – I get the old “pull yourself together” shallowness.. With that thought Matt, many thanks indeed to everyone who is commenting here as well as to your good self. It’s all appreciated.

    March 26, 2014 at 11:19 pm #53618

    In reply to: Ennui and Love

    Gavin
    Participant

    I think you’re ultimately on the right track Stripes.. This is my course of action for certain, although achieving a good sense of internal happiness as a means to keeping heart and soul afloat has afforded me the distance for reflection, away from my repetitively hurtful self and put me in a place where I can enjoy some tranquil space to tackle these deeper issues. In the end there’s no getting away from my need to change my shy habit, though to be fair on myself a bit more I suppose I’m not as bad as I used to be. Being centred and in the moment does afford some freedom from the shyness by simply making me more aware that the person opposite is just like me – flawed, feeling, human. Plus, having reduced my anxiety by being more concerned about the present moment and less with worries and hang-ups about things that are in my head and not the reality of a situation, it helps still further in overcoming any blocks which I might otherwise conjure up! I have gone through numerous texts in an effort to better understand these things, though the doing bit is coming to me more these days. I have had a couple of setbacks lately but I seem to be pressing on regardless, even if it just means me putting my heart on hiatus for a while.

    March 26, 2014 at 5:05 pm #53607

    Topic: Child-like Curiosity

    in forum Relationships
    cherrymom
    Participant

    Wow. Checking in during a very interesting week. I’m sure many of you remember my posts about my now ex-boyfriend and the breakup that happened just 3 days ago. I must be doing something right, because instead of hurting… I’m calm, cool, collected and very relaxed. I also have this almost child-like curiosity about the whole thing. It’s like my mind is processing the million questions that I have at this point in an effort to seek to understand, so that I may be able to move on with my life in the most positive way possible and avoid mistakes in the future. It’s amazing… Especially since the time we broke up before this we were both completely sleep deprived for weeks and having serious anxiety attacks. I honestly have no idea how he is doing right now or what is going through his mind. I hope that he is okay. But it’s not for me to know, as we have a long way to go before we figure out if we can just be friends as we had both expressed an interest in being.

    My mind is just spinning with questions though. It’s not like these are going to change anything…. though the questions popping into my mind are constant and unrelenting. Why could I never get him to leave the safety and comfort of his home to do things together just as a couple? Why did he avoid meeting me to talk when we broke up until he felt he had no other choice? (I had asked him to meet me then cut off contact). Is he really so detached that he feels like he can never love again? Is he afraid to connect with anyone again after losing what he thought was the perfect relationship (with another girl, one he had a stronger connection with than he knew was possible) a few years ago? How far would this have gone if I had been content to keep it casual? Did I make him happy? Did he truly make me happy? How will this work as friends if we are barely able to communicate? What happens next? How will his child react to all of this? Was this all about sex and not much more? Should I have put my foot down and told him that he needs to date me the last time around, rather than jumping back into a relationship? Why did he make me his girlfriend again if this wasn’t going anywhere? Was that supposed to be for my benefit or his? Why am I even questioning all of this?

    Congratulations to the men reading these posts in the forum… for that right there is the female mind at work.

    I’ve also been working on my own issues lately. I’ve been thinking about the type of people I tend to attract in life. Not the shallow, the soccer mom, the narcissist…

    First group is the rare people that manage to gain a level of trust with me very quickly. I feel safe with these people very quickly… and tend to feel safer to withdraw into my own little world (I am a pisces after all… I could swim in my little fantasy world for months and be totally ok with that). I wish these people drew out more of my personality, but sadly I guess this is something I need to change in myself. These are the people I keep. That I feel bonded to on a level that I can’t communicate. People like him.

    The second group is the people who do draw me out of my shell. I feel totally alive with these people, but I don’t tend to bond to them for long, as it seems to take a sociopath/someone really looking for something to gain something to do this. Every time I meet someone that pulls out the most of me, I end up hurt very badly in the end. Every time. My ex was the longest running second group I ever stayed with. As you can see, the experience scarred me for life. I met someone else like that just after my divorce… He turned into a stalker that threatened my life.

    I wish I could open up more to group one. I really do. Because those are the people I cherish… but my emotions get the best of me, and I’m so afraid of losing them that I end up in a holding pattern with them… walking on eggshells. Paralyzed. Not knowing why or how to fix it.

    I’m slowly figuring out what makes me tick and what I can do to change all of these patterns in myself. How to make it all come together. How to finally be the woman I really am… and get what I want out of life. If I had a dollar for every time someone said I am the perfect woman but they never fell in love with me… Geez. I’m seeking to understand so I may one day be understood and truly loved the way I need to be. Especially now, it’s springtime… I see all of these happy couples & people having babies & getting married… They have something I have never had. That thing. That love. They glow together. I want to glow too!

    I’m meditating, practicing (beginner) yoga as I have time, focusing on work and spending time talking with friends about anything possible *other than* the breakup & the guy. I’m really trying here. It seems to be helping & my thought process is becoming clearer each day. Just call me the comeback kid. Hopefully this stays on the positive end and I don’t have a relapse. Of course… it is easier that we have not interacted since the breakup, except at work. Which is not in person. Thankfully. I’m great at separating work from my personal life.

    Sheesh. Mind blown.

    March 26, 2014 at 12:12 pm #53585

    In reply to: Ennui and Love

    Gavin
    Participant

    Thanks for your thoughts Matt. I’m totally with you on this journey and page as you describe it. I do think that in a way my heart does turn away from beauty, though I agree that the passage of life as seen through Buddhist principles rightly guides an appreciation for the moment; to celebrate whilst there, mourn when gone, accept and be grateful for what was and keep moving.. This is true with relationships also yes, otherwise I think it would be very difficult to get up in the morning! Hehe.. I suppose a certain amount of my heart that’s afraid to embrace loss though it is inevitable.. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say I become so subconsciously focussed on the good evaporating to really appreciate the good times. Maybe I’ve overcompensated with my awareness of mortality, though it is this which causes me anxiety, knowing that it will be painfully sad to miss out on love through misfortune. I think I’m having trouble with all this because I’ve hurt myself a lot too, either with my own imagination, sheer misfortune or even by putting myself through repeating patterns of experience. I have waded into Buddhism by myself really – not many people out there teach these things (a pet angst of mine which I think could save education as we know it, if only some were brave enough to accept it and the consequences therein!) but in doing so I believe I have confronted and understood a lot more also just by being mindful enough to be careful not to rush my understanding of matters without considering the many angles and perceptions you might place upon a philosophical idea. I treat it as the difference between someone who has read about plumbing and someone who has put in the hours of trial and error! I know who will probably understand and appreciate matters more instinctively.

    Where I stand now between myself and relationships is that I’m now looking at what I’m perceiving as lots of people who aren’t past that “stage of enlightenment” and are still looking externally for love. Is this really a stumbling block to connecting with another heart? I don’t mean to seem arrogant by presuming that my own heart is in some way perfectly placed to receive love correctly either – for sure it’s in a dodgy place otherwise I wouldn’t be here talking now. I think I just feel real anxiety too that I might have missed, or will continue to miss opportunities because of my tendency towards shyness too. I was crippled with this when I was a teenager, and if I’m honest it’s never really got much better. In a way the hurtful place I find myself in is at least partly self-fulfilling prophecy, which is also another reason for why I sought answers to my anxiety over missing out on real life. In many ways I can’t stop beating myself up about things, even though I now have a means of generating inner happiness quite successfully.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Gavin.
    March 26, 2014 at 11:39 am #53580

    In reply to: Ennui and Love

    Gavin
    Participant

    Thank you Kelly for your empathy and thoughts.. Anything is helpful and gratefully received and ruminated upon! 🙂 I think you make a good point in your reply about accepting things as they are with consideration to whether there is an issue of “the right time” (I hope I understood you right by that) – in essence a person is really trapped by that aspect of life when you can’t really actively seek one of the people whom you might go through life with. I don’t think the desire for a relationship ever truly leaves you, though I admit to feeling a tad conflicted in that I can be both comfy with myself alone and wanting companionship. In effect I feel ambivalent about both states, having spent lots of time wishing for a partner when single and ultimately finding myself wishing for solitude when with someone, though if believe in retrospect I only felt like that because past relationships have been based upon looking for happiness externally, so I think the negative aspect of the relationship was only because I couldn’t grant myself space to be myself without feeling guilty, hence the anxiety at the time. In a sense, having that sense of contentment now makes any yearning for a partner all the more valid in knowing that it’s for the right reasons and not “clingy”, but in a way it makes the vacuum of a woman’s heart and touch more painful also.

    I don’t know if your questions were rhetorical or not – I think they are but i’ll try to give an answer anyway (hehe) – I think there’s a certain risk that you may become too contented.. Indeed that is a worry I have now because that inevitably sets up almost a “grass is greener” conflict.. How do you really know which you’d be happier in? I’m not sure that the desire for a relationship is a damnable state of mind though, no.. We are after all compassionate and empathic by nature even if we don’t exercise it as much as we perhaps should, so I think the basic desire to connect is within us, whether we wish to rationalise it away or not.

    It’s possible we overthink things, yes! Hehe.. I guess I’m treating my problem from the root when considering that I’ve kinda lost interest in things which might form a social foundation. How do you meet new people when you’re both afflicted with a certain level of shyness, self-inflicted cynicism about your own worth and have a lack of interests? I think that’s the root of my problem and one which can feel will be affecting my approach to possibilities. I also find that people are not as sociable as they used to be. That hurts too, compounded by knowing that in such withdrawal the other person will surely be hurting also. A sad state of affairs.

    March 26, 2014 at 11:37 am #53579

    In reply to: Anxiety over everything ruling my life

    Cortney
    Participant

    First, take a deeeeep breath.

    I was in your situation just 3 months ago, and I’m still getting back on track to a new happier, healthier minded me. Reading posts on this site honestly has helped me tremensouly. Also doing yoga for me helps, so I would suggest yoga or google guided meditation. Above all, cut yourself some slack. We can be so hard on ourselves and it’s easy to forget to simply take care of ourselves. I know it seems hard and hopeless, but it really isn’t. I fully believe that you can lessen anxiety to the point where you forget about it entirely. One thing I encourage you to look into is EFT, or emotional freedom techniques. Gala Darling explains it very well in my opinion. And just know that you aren’t alone. I’m 19 and in a very tough college program, and I totally understand what you are going through. Figure out for you what initially triggers the anxiety, and don’t fight it. Acknowledge it, let it sit for a second and try to listen to it. And then try to let it go. I think what helped me most is when I stopped fighting with myself, recognized I was anxious, and either talked to a support system or did something I enjoy like catch up on my TV shows or shower. Also, 7 Cups of Tea is a great source if you need to talk to someone. I hope you find peace with this.

    -Cortney

    March 26, 2014 at 11:36 am #53578

    In reply to: Anxiety over everything ruling my life

    kent warren
    Participant

    Wow Becky, darn near everything you have expressed applies to me also, and I am an old guy. Like you, I had been pretty much only anxious in social situations but a bad career move on my part caused panic attacks and now overwhelming anxiety over everything that just won’t let up. I did pretty much get over the panic attacks except I still do have them when I first wake up, around 4 or 5 am. Guess I can’t guard against them then. But the general anxiety is paralyzing. I procrastinate and that causes even more problems. I feel I am not me anymore, if anyone can understand what I mean. I too am looking for a way to just shut all this off and be normal again. There has to be. It started like a flip of a switch, we just need to find a way to flip the switch to the off position.

    Sorry I don’t have a cure for you. I just want you to know you are not alone.

    March 26, 2014 at 9:13 am #53567

    Topic: Anxiety over everything ruling my life

    in forum Tough Times
    Becky
    Participant

    Hi everyone
    I am 17 years old and currently at sixth form college. I have been dealing with bad anxiety since panic attacks last summer over my GCSE exams. While I have been able to overcome fear of panic attacks and therefore the attacks themselves (although I had bad panic today which I think could be down to being rundown from the stomach flu) my anxiety has only gotten worse. Every single day from when I get up to when I go to sleep I worry. I worry about everything and anything. For example here are the worries that have presented themselves to me in a single day: a fear of choking on food and drink, of food getting in my lungs, a fear of losing control of my body e.g paralysiing myself, a fear of intrusive thoughts and fears associated with this e.g what if I hurt myself or someone around me, what if I drive myself mad constantly worrying over these thoughts, a fear of laughing myself to death, a fear of holding my breath until I pass out, a fear of what all this anxiety is doing to me, what if I make myself sick?, what if I go mad?, a fear of death, even the hiccups inspired fear within me! After seeing a counsellor I was doing well but I recently contracted the stomach flu which has made me feel weak and tired and allowed me time off to ruminate and create lots of nice new worries for myself! I can’t remember the last time I was able to relax, the last time I ate without thinking what if I choke, the last time I was able to enjoy something without thinking what is the point of even doing this? Thats another of my problems. I ruminate a lot on the meaning of life. Why are we here? What is the point? What happens when I die? I think daily about death. I am so scared of everything and its ruining my life. As I am at college this is also impacting on my college work. I can’t concentrate or focus for all my worrying about my health or going mad. Even when I feel ok I think of all the people out in the world who aren’t ok and I feel bad again. I feel like this anxiety is taking over my life. Before this horrible anxiety struck, I used to enjoy everything. The smallest things made me happy. I was an anxious person but only in social situations, I could sit at home for days just allowing my mind to wander I would be quite happy just to have time to enter a world of my own. I used to love the idea of the universe and I used to be so intrigued by it. I never gave much thought to death. Now every minute of every day I am anxious and I feel there is no escape. I just want to be the normal, happy girl I was before but I see no way forward. I don’t feel comfortable being in control of my own body. I don’t feel like I have enough responsibility. I have fears over making myself do stuff I don’t want to do. What if I make myself hold my breath until I pass out? What if I make myself laugh until I die? etc. I just wish someone else would take the driving seat. I feel like bursting in to tears when I think of what my life has become. How do I overcome so many fears? Will I ever be myself again? I just feel so lost. If anyone could offer me any support it would be much appreciated.
    Thank you,
    Becky

    March 26, 2014 at 8:41 am #53561

    Topic: Stop living in the past and future.. help

    in forum Emotional Mastery
    shewolf
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m from Belgium so i’m sorry i’ve my spelling isn’t always correct.

    I used to be a very funny girl, always laughing, always making fun and making other people laugh.
    But I did – do have issues with I believe commitment issues. “bindingsangst”.

    Sinds my ex : I was a third person .. He kept me believing I was the one he would choose and live for. for 2,5 years.
    This really broke me.. not only in my heart but also in my believe in the goodness of other people.

    I’m in a new relationship now, and we are about to get married, but I i still feel my past and anxiety hanging over me and it prevents me from being truly happy.

    I’m always worrying, alway comparing myself with others, and I’m so, so, so very much afraid that my partner will cheat on me. Even though there is absolutly no reason to think this, because he doensn’t even as much as look at another woman. And I know this but still I can’t seem to stop thinking all of dees doom scenarios.

    Everybody that meets me eventually go : why are you always being so negative?
    Why are you putting yourself down and why in the world are you so insecure?
    Stop comparing yourself to others and live your own life!

    And no matter how much I try… I can’t…

    I read the belgium book of “mindfullness in a relation” and I liked the concept “mindfulness” so therefore

    I’m here… seeking help

    I hope you have some tips for me.. just to get me started or mayby a good book?

    I can read english like it would be my own language so english books are no problem.

    I’m sorry i’ve my spelling is off though… 🙂

    • This topic was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by shewolf.
    March 26, 2014 at 6:03 am #53556

    Topic: Ennui and Love

    in forum Relationships
    Gavin
    Participant

    Just lately I seem to be experiencing an unexpected turn of resolution in my feelings. The annoying thing is I wouldn’t say I’m particularly unhappy in myself as such these days. I have a job, roof, food – all the basics are covered (not that they’ve ever really been lacking, for which I’m very grateful) and I’ve made very positive strides in my life over the last year or so, using Buddhist principles and philosophies to help centre myself and open myself to the truth of internal happiness. Now I find myself capable of being happy in the moment, and anytime I feel myself slipping into bad habits of anxiety over the past and future I can centre myself and find happiness in present, small things once again with little trouble – so far so good!

    So where’s the problem? Well, I’m concerned now I have this ability to focus my inner peace, that I genuinely seem to have lost my interests and motivations in life, and by way of this, most importantly how I FEEL overall about life. I seem to have little interest in exercising my innate skills (artistic) and this same ennui seems to be creating difficulties in engaging deeply with other people, something not helped by the fact that I live, and spend a great deal of my time, alone. More worrying to me, I still harbour a desire for a loving relationship (the chasing of which is what’s caused me the most pain in my life, and what motivated me to redress my inner happiness issues in the first place), but it seems that now instead of feeling anxiety because of wrongly chasing love, I’m now feeling anxiety because the world now appears to me to comprise of many single women still looking externally for happiness. Plus, I also worry that the former (lack of interests and motivation) is affecting how women perceive me, and thus render me somewhat undesirable.

    Does anyone have any thoughts, reflections or perspectives on handling these new anxieties, since they seem somewhat fatalistic and beyond my “inner peace” mindfulness.

    March 25, 2014 at 8:12 am #53508

    In reply to: Emotional abuse?

    Lorelei
    Participant

    Kayla,

    I have had a similar situation with my own mom. A lot of things sound very similar, like that my mom has held financial authority over me and threatened to stop paying for my education. As many other things, these threats were empty and I will be graduating in May (I am now 23 years old). I am doing my best to become financially independent so that this is not something she can use against me in the future. She has also made comments about my physical appearance and tends to attempt to manipulate my decisions, which then leaves me feeling as though she is trying to live through me.

    I sought counseling a few years ago, as I felt that the damage from this relationship was catching me in a trap that my negativity began to resemble my mother. My counselor suggested a book for me, Walking on Eggshells, as she believed borderline personality disorder (BPD) may be the root of my mother’s behaviors. Perhaps you can visit your library or bookstore or Google BPD to see if this information might help you in some way. I think this may be related to your situation because you mentioned that small arguments would escalate into emotional abuse, etc. There is no way to truly diagnose this disorder, but if this is related to your mom’s behaviors, perhaps it can help you understand her struggles and what may be influencing her words and behaviors.

    I have, however, been fortunate to have a supportive father who is very calm and in control of his feelings, and he has shared advice with me. At the end of the day, we cannot control or influence anyone’s actions but our own. We are ultimately in control of our emotions and we can only hope for healing for our loved one who may not realize how deeply they are hurting us. Perhaps with some meditation on this, you can find words and coping strategies that work, and you can pass them on to your brother, as my father has done for me.

    I am newer to meditation and Buddhist teachings, so does this seem like a sound way of handling emotional abuse? Is there anything else that can be done? Most of my emotional triggers (like 99%) and anxiety are related to issues with my mother. How can we show compassion so someone whom we feel anxious around?

    L

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Lorelei.
    March 24, 2014 at 4:02 pm #53468

    Topic: Emotional abuse?

    in forum Tough Times
    kayla
    Participant

    I feel like I have been emotionally abused by my mother for most of my life and I’m just realizing it now. I’m 21 and have social anxiety and have had depressions in the past. There are so many things that my mom has done to me that it would take forever to explain everything so i’ll just briefly describe some of the things she has done. For as long as I can remember she has always tried to put me down in front of my family, she says i’m a brat, im spoiled, ungrateful, I only think about myself when we have family dinner and all my aunts and uncles are around and there is about 15 of them. She’s told me before that I have ugly eyes but when I say something about it she goes “oh i was just kidding your eyes look just like mine” She called her friend on the phone one time ( this was when I was in High school) and said that I was being such and bitch and that she wanted to punch me in the face. She has also accused me on various occasions of lying to her about the dumbest things that I wouldn’t lie about. Also my parents are not together and when I was about 14 we moved and starting living with her husband at the time. While we lived there she was gone all the time and her husband didn’t like me, she also slept all day tried to force me and her husband to be together and be “father and daughter” she also wouldn’t let me ever visit my grandmom and if i did she would come. If we get into a little argument she threatens to stop paying for my school etc. and when we finally moved in with my grandmom she acts like she did it because she knew that I was miserable which is a lie because she could have let my stay at my grams house. To this day she manipulates me, so that I get angry at my family members when in reality they didn’t do anything that she said. I thought that she was getting better but i guess its because i go to college and im not home anymore. But I have a brother who is 9 and my grandmom recently told me that she does the same things to him that she did to me. I don’t really know what to do or how to move on from it and i don’t want my brother to have to go through what i went through because i feel like it really has messed me up and i am still trying to put the pieces of my life back together.

    March 24, 2014 at 4:52 am #53436

    In reply to: Social Media

    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hi Jen

    Thanks for your post. I had shared the post (below) on social media few days ago with another TB member. Hope it can provide some inspiration your mind seeks to be able to move from a state of addiction to a mental state of controlled usage. Social media has the great potential to help us grow emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually so it is not all bad 🙂

    Social media (plus any media for this matter) has the capacity to generate negativity in our lives. Mental peace and positivity comes down to the quality of people’s daily or recurrent thoughts. I will try to explain this by using a builder and his raw materials as an example. A builder can build a beautiful structure with raw materials, which everyone admires or gets great pleasure from or he can build an ugly structure, which creates an eye sore for most. Our mind is like the builder and our thoughts are like the raw materials.

    Social media can load us with multitude of poor quality thoughts, which our mind uses EFFEcTiVELy to create anxiety, unhappiness, lack of contentment, comparisons, mental chatter etc. This is the reason behind a famous quote: we become what we think about the most. Everything around us has an impact on our quality of thoughts from the food we eat to the air we breathe.

    You will find that abstaining from negative news, dramas of other people or social media will aid in leading a more positive life. Feeding our mind with positive thoughts help us to become more content, happy, less anxious and more productive beings. I have tried this over the last few years and it has been amazing. There is no one more special than “Me” or “You” so we need to look after the quality of our thoughts each second. Once our thoughts are predominantly positive, our emotions, feelings and actions start to align and we move away from being a slave to our mind to being the master of our mind and our destinies.

    Cheers,

    J

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