Continued:

When I started this thread, I chose the title “Fear, Anxiety and Healing”, no mention of the very powerful emotion: Anger. Today, I would choose the title: Healing from Fear and Anxiety, Anger and Chronic Anger.

Anxiety is a condition that involves chronic fear and the repression/ suppression of fear. Chronic Anger is similarly long-term and as destructive to the body as chronic fear, and it too involves the repression and/ or suppression of anger.

To be continued-

anita

Hey Tee,

Well, it’s staying stable, that is, not getting worse again, which is good enough for me. It would be better if I could heal completely, but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen, since it has been more than a year now. So this is the next best: low-grade, manageable pain, which I can live with.

Perhaps some day I’ll manage to “hack” it and heal completely, but I am not hung up on it, because it feels like something I cannot control (beyond a certain point). So it’s better to put my energy into something that I actually can control and where I can make a change…

 

I always admire the way you’re able to find something positive no matter the situation. And how far along you came battling with your health anxiety. It’s not easy I know but nonetheless you’re doing well.
and since you mentioned the “Hack” have you ever tried Ayurvedic medicine or therapy? Sometimes it works wonders

It seems there is still an emptiness in your heart (“empty feeling in my chest“), which I think indicates that your inner child still hasn’t received what he needs: love and appreciation. He still hasn’t been told: “you are doing so great! I am proud of you!”

There is a way to work with our inner child, by visualizing an event from the past and then making an “intervention”, where our adult self stands to defend our child self. And this make our inner child feel differently about themselves and it basically heals the root problem.

There is a beautiful demonstration of that kind of work in a youtube video by a coach Christine Hassler, called “I Have Awareness But Things Still Aren’t Changing”. The client is a woman, but her story is very similar to yours: a criticizing step-father, which made her to be very judgmental of herself, and she also lacks trust in men, i.e. relationships.

The visualization exercise with the inner child starts about minute 14, if you don’t feel like watching the entire video. So this is how you can actually heal your inner child, beyond just intellectual understanding. Let me know what you think…

I think you’re on point about the inner child need. It’s so funny but let me tell you anyways just the other night I had this need to someone to like baby me. Like I wanted to be taken care of so badly. I was like why I care too much? Can’t I have that?

Thanks for sharing the video link I’ll watch and share my thoughts with you.

Okay, that’s nice that you could simply talk to her with more emphasis on listening, and less on judging or trying to fix her. And while listening, you also had discernment – you noticed some of the behaviors you don’t like and that are potential deal-breakers for you, such as smoking.

That’s cool! I mean, you can have things that are non-negotiable, that are simply not aligned with what you are appreciating in a person, and it’s okay to respect that.

I’m kinda enjoying talking with her though. Like sometimes I’m literally waiting for her texts. I don’t like this feeling. I don’t want to get attached to her. She’s alright but just no. and I’m not sure if I’m just doing that out of loneliness. Because I don’t think I’m feeling lonely or is it entirely something else

So you are thinking about going on dates because you know you’ll be moving soon enough? 🙂 But yeah, do go on dates, it’s a good practice, even a self-observation practice, to see how you react in certain situations. And to sort of dip your toe into the water and do dating without pressure – either on yourself or the other person.

Yeah I’ll try that. Also like I said the feeling of time passing too fast, It goes away when we try to do something new or like feel something new or different

Oh that’s horrible! Nurses and doctors should know better about the professional (and human) ethics. That was really unprofessional. Maybe you could write a complaint to the kindergarten or the hospital? Because this type of practice should not be allowed. What did your sister say? Was she also disturbed by it?

I know right!? They see it as light joke. That’s the problem. And no my sister wasn’t disturbed because they all think they’re just kids.

Yeah, I guess it’s better that you stayed calm in that moment. However you might want to do something about it, since your anger was justified. So perhaps you can save some future kids from a similar humiliating treatment?

You already know how much of my anger is just buried. But yeah next time I’ll try to do that

Maybe that’s the consequence of the same false core belief: “I’ll never be good enough”. Which can be a great killer of joy, because why would you strive for anything if nothing can really make you happy and fulfilled. Perhaps the key word here is fulfillment. Maybe there is a “hole” in your heart, that needs to be filled (with love and appreciation for your inner child). Which will make you fulfilled.

I suggest you watch that video and see if you resonate with the approach there…

Hmm I see, and when you say Love and appreciation. What do you mean by that? Romantic love now? Can you elaborate?

Hi Everyone

I’m glad that I had a good day yesterday. I was able to rest and relax.

The bad thing about brains is that they tend to try and bring you back to a baseline and anxiety has been my baseline, so it started trying to find things to make me feel anxious again. Fortunately, I managed to notice that happening and reel it in.

My sons bath time was funny because he figured out that he can kick water. He kicked water everywhere!

My husband made a really nice gravy! He’s an excellent cook.

It was nice to talk to my sister.

I’m glad that I did my physiotherapy again.

I’m starting to believe that my husband is attracted to me again which is nice. He didn’t do anything to make me believe otherwise. I was just being hard on myself because of the pregnancy.

Wishing ya’ll all the best! 🙏❤️

Hi Everyone

On some days it is hard. Yesterday was a hard day. There have been a few hard days recently.

I am thankful that my baby slept well last night, and I’m glad that I managed to get back to sleep after difficulties with pain and anxiety.

It was nice taking him swimming for the first time. He was very brave, had fun and tired himself out. I was a very proud mama! Still am.

I’m glad that he managed to drink a good amount of formula yesterday (he is still learning ).

I need to get back into the habit of doing my physiotherapy exercises. I will try very hard.

I’m glad that today is a quiet day and I get the opportunity to rest.

I look forward to seeing my friends at the weekend.

I’m glad that I found some information about my final exam and assistance. It’s helped to ease my anxiety about it. I think that I can still pass this module. My grade might not be good, but that it okay. I have a lot going on and I just need a basic pass.

I’m thankful for my husband, he’s really awesome in so many different ways. I’m glad that he is able to tell me when he feels stressed.

I finally managed to make a jam that didn’t burn and set well.

Wishing ya’ll all the best! 🙏❤️

Hello, dear Anita

I am firstly going to respond to your anxiety thread because I can’t in it.  I haven’t really felt a lot of anger in my life, not because I’m special, but because I would get flogged if I got angry.  As an adult the handful of times I’ve been angry have caused me to lose a person, except that I have been angry at my children quite a few times and let them know it.  Interesting how I can feel it if I feel confident I’m not going to be abandoned.

Anyway, back to anger:  I believe it is a protective emotion, one that kicks in when we need to be motivated to protect ourselves, because it causes us to have uncommon strength whether that be physical, mental, or emotional.

Could your anger be a layer of protection?  Not that you need it now but childhood has handed you a carry-over champion in the form of it?

I don’t know if this will be helpful in the coping with it being with you as a constant companion, and I only suggest these couple of strategies because a clever person once taught me one of them to deal with fear, and the other has also been really helpful for me when dealing with all my negative feelings.  I have been an afraid person most of my life, really scared of everything, so I lived in ways that kept me safe.  This clever person got me to look around me and see if I could see anything that I needed to be afraid of.  I couldn’t see anything, just trees, grass, houses, power poles, sky, cars driving along, you name it.  Somehow having a little stocktake of what is around me helps me not to be so afraid.  I think fear and anger are similar emotions that have a similar root cause.  The second thing I do, which I’m told is called mindfulness, is to clear my mind and let my body feel the feeling it is having.  It usually fades away quite quickly.  When I’m having a tough time I tend to forget to do this, or because I’m feeling back so frequently, I feel like it’s not working but really I’m forgetting to sit with the feeling and let it pass through me without thoughts cluttering the process up.  I find it’s really important not to let myself think while I’m letting go – easier said than done when one has a stupidly hyper mind.

Thank you for caring.  It’s been a hectic week so far and I’ve been doing my best to keep up with it.  I think I might have caught up on most things but then I’ve been asked to work an extra shift so meh it goes on.  I care that you are okay!!!?  I’m sorry I’ve been MIA, just sometimes I can’t find the energy to do anything more than go to work.

You are a good person!  – random thought for the day which I could say so much more about but I just side-tracked myself with another thought.  I watched this amazing thing about how emotions are the cause of many illnesses – deadly illnesses, not just the type people think are imaginary or mental illnesses.  Are we allowed to post links on this website?  It was interesting how even being a people pleaser causes awful chemical reactions in our bodies.

You are safe, I don’t tell jokes, so you won’t ever have to get them.  I always start with the end and muddle it all up.  And the jokes I think are funny are my private party coz no one else does.  I’m sorry though that my contradicting the mud thing was so poorly executed.  I definitely was contradicting you but it was in a cheeky and excitable way, not a mean or argumentative way.  I’m sorry though that it didn’t vaguely sound that way in the text of it.

I really like your experiences and thoughts on people with nice childhoods.  It made me stop and reassess my negativity on that.  I agree re negative childhood survivors have many more negative emotions that can bubble over.  It’s a sad world but there is sunlight in it.  I’m sitting with three furry sunlit things right now <3

No plumbing, roofing, or tree removing has taken place by my hands – well, probably at some point in my life tree removal has, but not recently.  It was a much more fun chore than they would be, I think!

Today my muscles seem to be a little better!  Has your sleep improved?  I had a bad night last night, just tossed and turned so much, but woke up feeling okay.  My phone brings up the emojis but I think if you get the right symbols on you PC it makes them too.  I’ll try, I’m putting these two together to see if they do, but I’ll put a space in them the first time so you can see what I’m typing:  : )  🙂

If it doesn’t work you can laugh very hard at me hahaha.

I hope you’re doing well this fine day and you are in my thoughts.

Continued:

I have a problem with anger: I don’t know how to feel angry without feeling that I am a bad person for feeling angry. Feeling angry, to me, indicates that I am a bad person.

I tend to be judgmental of people and .. jump into feeling angry.

I need to fix my relationship with anger and moderate my rushing into feeling angry.

Feeling that I am a bad person fuels my anxiety (hence the relevance to the title of this thread). I need to feel that I am a good person, and I often do these days, except when I get angry, and when I rush into it.

I got angry at a woman, the day before yesterday, in real-life, because she sells eggs (she raised high quality chickens) for $5 a dozen instead of the $3-4 or so that the supermarket charges for free range eggs, and I told her that she overprices her eggs (which now I acknowledge, is not true). I was also angry at her for this or that other reason. Yesterday, I apologized to her and she accepted. But on the same day, I got angry at someone else, irl,  and was fuming inside me. This fuming in anger is difficult for me to endure. I can’t feel okay with it.

The origin of my trouble with anger is two folds: (1) that person, formerly known as my mother, was very, very… very judgmental of people, often venting to me her judgments and anger at length, telling me how terribly they hurt her feelings, and in so many ways (which she generously detailed and elaborated on). As she vented, my empathy was with her, and I joined her in-anger at .. everyone, at one time or another, leaving me no people to not be angry at. Fast forward, I get judgmental and angry at .. well, almost everyone,  sooner or later.

(2) I was angry at that person a whole lot. VERY ANGRY, but would be silent about it.  Angry at her and.. judgmental of, and angry at myself, for feeling so angry at her, as in being a bad.. bad.. bad daughter.

Feeling Guilty for feeling Angry.

To be continued.

anita

Hi Everyone

Today I’m going to talk about the nervous system and the role in chronic pain. This can also be helpful for anxiety too. Some of you might already be well versed in this.

So main parts I’ll be discussing today are the sympathetic nervous system (related to fight or flight) and the parasympathetic nervous system (related to relaxation).

Stress, exercise, some regularly consumed medicines or intoxicants wearing off and lack of sleep are the main things that trigger the sympathetic nervous system and increase pain sensitivity.

The parasympathetic nervous system which decreases pain sensitivity can be activated by a few different things. Stimulating the vagus nerve can be helpful. Things that can be helpful include massaging the base of the skull and neck, yawning repeatedly, shaking your whole body for a couple of minutes, singing, laughter, splashing cold water on your face. There is a ton of information out there for anyone interested.

Breathing exercises are really helpful too, specifically diaphragm breathing. Also, an important factor in breathing exercises is to have a prolonged exhale for maximum effect.

Everything has a balance and whilst exercise stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, after exercise, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated. So, it can be helpful to exercise regularly to allow your body to practise this balancing effect.

Wishing everyone all the best! ❤️🙏

Hi Everyone

After 2 days of being woken every 1-2 hours he has finally gone down for the night again. Teething put him off his bottle and it was hunger disturbing him.

Thank God for naps…

Thank goodness he’s sleeping better again.

Increased pain, increased anxiety, some anger.

I hope he’ll be in a better mood during the day because his sleep wasn’t disturbed.

I’m glad that I will get to sleep again.

Dear Anita,

Thanks for your response. I took my time to read and re-read this post, and thankfully I was able to do so without feeling triggered. I agree with the idea of a ‘hated sibling’ because I used to observe it even as a child that my father would project his anger towards  and perceptions of my grandfather over me, just because we two have an undeniable facial similarity and to an extent, behavioral similarity too. At times it felt that he was not even considering me as an individual person and just as a copy of my grandfather, assuming that I would do a certain thing just because my grandfather would do it that way. I don’t know why but he did have a problem with me not being ‘like’ him, in my thoughts, actions, behavior and other things. One reason he acts differently towards my younger brother is because he probably sees himself in his personality, he finds a similarity.

I also agree with your idea that when I would use to think as a child that everything is aright between me and him, there used to come another ‘sermon’ or an incident of his bad treatment. My last hopes of having good terms with him in future were quashed after his inexplicably unkind treatment during my disease, there was no going back from that point. Now, when I live abroad away from home, he tries to get close to me and acts very cordially; but the more he tries the more I get repelled because I have decided to maintain a distance with him going forward.

One common thing between my intrusive thoughts and my issues with my father is rumination. Since childhood I would use to ruminate over incidents of his unkind treatment and that happens even now when I think about a past situation or hypothesize about a future confrontation. It leads me to rage fits at times although I am usually a calm person. If I remember correctly, back when I was a kid/teenager, there used to be times when I would be filled with rage, despair and frustration and I would cry myself to sleep.

What I am not able to understand is that how the scholarship situation triggered the CSS inside me? even though during that time of emotional turmoil, I thought about my struggles with disease and anxiety but not about my childhood struggles? Do you think there were thought patterns responsible (like low self-esteem, externalization of self-worth etc.) that I developed as a result of childhood trauma and they gave me problems during the scholarship issue?

Thanks,

Kshitij