fbpx
Menu

Posts tagged with “bad”

Trauma Lies: Why Survivors Feel Like They’re Bad People

By

“Trauma is not the bad things that happen to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.” ~Dr. Gabor Maté

I used to have this pervasive empty feeling inside. I tried filling it by eating, working, being a wife, making my life look great on socials—anything really to make it go away. I went to church, worked hard, and tried to be a good person, hoping the hole would fill and my life would feel whole and complete.

I went to therapy for the first time when I was sixteen years old. I remember …

A Surprising but Effective Way to Get Out Of A Shame Spiral

By

“I have found that, among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” ~Maya Angelou

As an aspiring daily meditator, I’ve been instructed by many a spiritual sage to think of my emotions as clouds drifting across my internal landscape. The idea here is that clouds come and go, so clinging to any one cloud is an exercise in futility.

I like this metaphor. It overlaps quite nicely with the cloud-classification skills I learned in third grade and haven’t since put to use.

The more time I spend on the cushion, the more I realize that some …

Why “Focus on the Bright Side” Isn’t Helpful Advice

By

There are so many memes and quotes out there that say, “Be positive, not negative. Focus on the bright side.” I’ve never been very good at ignoring the negatives and focusing on the positives.

Call me a critical, over-analytical over-thinker if you want, but at no point in my journey of self-love and self-discovery have I learned to ignore all my flaws, all my mistakes, all my regrets. At no point in my journey of compassion have I learned to ignore all the times that someone has hurt me or all the destruction caused by abuse. That never felt right …

Maybe It’s Not All Good or All Bad

By

“You are the sky. Everything else—it’s just the weather.” ~Pema Chödrön

A farmer has a horse for many years; it helps him earn his livelihood and raise his son. One day, the horse runs away. His neighbor says sympathetically, “Such bad luck.”

The farmer replies, “Maybe. Who knows?”

The next day, the horse makes its way back home bringing with it another horse. The neighbor says with a smile, “Such good luck.”

The farmer replies, “Maybe. Who knows?”

The following day, the farmer’s son rides the new horse and seeks to tame it. In the process, he breaks his leg. …

When Things Don’t Work Out: Who Knows If It’s Good or Bad?

By

“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~Tony Robbins

I recently received a rejection letter for a voluntary role befriending and supporting a child in the care system. I was excited at the prospect of supporting a child who had likely been through a lot, and had been quietly confident that I would be great in the role.

After all, I am an emotionally responsible, fun-loving, deeply caring adult who had lived through a ton of difficulty: addiction and alcoholism (my own and my mother’s); growing up in …

Why We Need to Stop Judging Our Feelings

By

“Your emotions are meant to fluctuate, just like your blood pressure is meant to fluctuate. It’s a system that’s supposed to move back and forth, between happy and unhappy. That’s how the system guides you through the world.” ~Daniel Gilbert

As a highly sensitive person I experience emotions very deeply, though it’s not usually obvious to others that I’m having such strong internal reactions.

For those not familiar with this trait, high sensitivity is not a defect or a personality flaw; it simply means that you experience sensory and emotional input more strongly than non-sensitive people.

Of course, this …

How to Feel Better When You’re Down (Without Forcing Yourself to Be Positive)

By

“Forget the failures. Keep the lessons.” ~Dalai Lama

The year had finally come. I’d officially entered the “adult” world after celebrating my thirtieth birthday.

I’d enjoyed being in my twenties. It was an incredible time for self-growth and healing after growing up in an unstable environment with a narcissistic, alcoholic father, and also a time of living life fully, having fun, and going on adventures.

I felt pretty happy…until I hit thirty.

I began examining my life not so positively anymore.

Health problems had become more frequent and scary, my career path was ominous, I had not settled into …

The Good News About Feeling Bad (And How to Get Through It)

By

“To honor and accept one’s shadow is a profound spiritual discipline. It’s whole-making and thus holy and the most important experience of a lifetime.” ~Robert Johnson

There’s nothing worse than having a bad day (or week or years…)

Or when emotions take over and carry us away.

Or when our relationships bring challenges.

Or when we endure great loss.

Or when we wish that just once when things started getting good, they stayed that way.

But difficult times are really offerings that show us what no longer serves us. And once they’re cleared, they no longer have power over …

5 Simple Words That Can Turn A Bad Day Around

By

“If your heart is beating, if your lungs are breathing, if you are still alive… then it is not too late to do something kind, creative, generous, satisfying, and courageous. Today.” ~Alexandra Franzen

It was one of those days.

You know the ones—when nothing really bad happens, but everything just seems to go wrong. When lots of little annoying things happen and the day seems to spiral from there.

This was one of those days.

I had woken up with a headache and decided to hit the snooze button on my alarm (twice) so I didn’t have to face the …

In My World There Are No Bad Kids

By

Source: Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond

Getting Through Bad Days

By

Look for What Makes You Grateful Not Hateful

By

Source: NotSalmon.com

When You Have a Bad Day…

By

Look for the Good and You Will Find It

By

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.” ~John Lubbock

Have you ever noticed how as human beings, we tend to go negative?

Looking out into the world, we see the crumpled fast food bag in the street and the torn curtain in the window.

Looking into the mirror, we see the pores and dark circles under our eyes. We see the freckles and miss the dimple, or we hate the dimple and miss the smile.

Our eyes focus in on what’s wrong.

I’ve noticed it’s hard to undo this tendency in myself, though sometimes the veil drops …

Bad Things Can Put Us on a Path to Wonderful Things

By

Source: Lessons Learned in Life

How Accepting the “Bad” Can Lead to Joy and Growth

By

“The main affliction of our modern civilization is that we don’t know how to handle the suffering inside us and we try to cover it up with all kinds of consumption.” ~Thich Nhat Hạnh

Since I was little, I’ve been taught to avoid what’s “bad” and move toward what’s “good.”

Growing up, my mom would work day and night not only to support me and my little brother with the basic necessities, but to give us a “good” life.

She loved us, so naturally she wanted to support us and to give us happiness, and …

We All Have Bad Days and All Need a Little Kindness

By

”Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.” ~Unknown

A couple weeks back I had what Alexander would call a no good, terrible, very bad day.

I’d slept poorly the night before—possibly because I had caffeine, which I usually avoid, somewhat late in the day, and possibly because I have a toddler-sized bladder that doesn’t seem to understand or care about REM cycles.

In addition to being physically exhausted, I was feeling emotionally spent. I’d been dealing with a high level of uncertainty, as my boyfriend and I were preparing to move yet again, after months of discussion …

How to Help Yourself by Owning Your “Bad” Qualities

By

“Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” ~William Shakespeare

Like many women, I feared my own voice.

I feared what would happen if I acknowledged my feelings and I feared what would happen if I expressed them.

Above all, I feared that people would leave me if I ever communicated as my true self.

In my family and culture, feelings are things that are best when denied. I was taught they are a liability that, if embraced, would lead to fights, pain, and loneliness. I was encouraged to ignore, avoid, and push them down into …

How to Stop Believing You’re Not Good Enough

By

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha

Have you ever heard the phrase “your thoughts create your reality”? Have you ever wondered what this means?

Go back to your childhood and recall a time when you got into trouble. I am sure you have at least one of these memories. This doesn’t have to be a major event. It can just be a time where you were scolded for knocking over your drink.

Now remember your parents’ reaction. Were they angry or frustrated? Did they …

Radically Accept What Is Instead of Labeling it “Good” or “Bad”

By

“The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.” ~Tara Brach

I was in the heart of my Ph.D. program when I received the diagnoses: OCD, depression, and binge eating disorder.

It explained a lot, of course. All those years of anxiety, self-doubt, and intrusive thoughts were not normal after all. Eating to the point of gaining forty pounds in a few months was foreign to most people.

I wanted an explanation. Why me?

I had done everything right: I made a decent living, I was kind to everyone, and I was presenting my scientific …