Posts tagged with “boundaries”
A People-Pleaser’s Guide to Reclaiming Your Life: 6 Ways to Say No
“Self-love, self-respect, self-worth: There’s a reason they all start with ‘self.’ You can’t find them in anyone else.” ~Unknown
Have you ever found yourself stuck in the “yes” trap, even when your gut screamed “no”?
I have.
We people-pleasers struggle with boundary crushers, and there are a lot of them out there continuously knocking over the barriers we put up!
But here is a secret I have learned: I’m allowed to say “no” without drowning in guilt. In fact, it’s a vital part of my self-care journey to give myself permission to freely say “no.”
Empowerment of “NO”
Saying “no” …
7 Steps to Deconstruct Your Anger So It No Longer Controls You
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ~Buddha
For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with anger.
My earliest memories of my anger are from junior high school, but it was around much earlier than that.
The only emotion that was ever shown in my house growing up was anger. My dad had an anger problem, and my mother showed no emotion at all. This is what emotional normal looked like to me—either nothing or anger.
I was the …
A Little-Known Truth About People-Pleasing and How to Stop (for Good)
“Being a people-pleaser may be more than a personality trait; it could be a response to serious trauma.” ~Alex Bachert
Growing up in a home, school, and church that placed a lot of value on good behavior, self-discipline, and corporal punishment, I was a model child. There could have been an American Girl doll designed after me—the well-mannered church girl with a nineties hairbow edition.
I was quiet and pleasant and never got sent to the principal’s office. Complaining and “ugly” emotions were simply not allowed. Though I was very rambunctious and “rebellious” as a toddler, all of that was …
How Boundaries Help You Stay True to Yourself (And Two Practices to Try Today)
“The more you value yourself, the healthier your boundaries are.” ~Lorraine Nilon
I want to talk about the direct correlation between boundaries and self-love. Because when we truly love ourselves and have a healthy self-worth and self-concept, setting boundaries becomes a natural extension of that.
Without boundaries, we either become walled off and protect ourselves from others, which creates a sense of deep isolation and loneliness, or we become enmeshed with others. We often find ourselves living on their side of the street, working overtime to manage, fix, caretake, or be needed by them, all while neglecting ourselves and our …
Are You Outgrowing Your Family? 6 Effective Ways to Manage This
“You can’t force anyone to value, respect, understand, or support you, but you can choose to spend time around people who do.” ~Lori Deschene
I always felt somewhat different from my family growing up.
I didn’t have a terrible childhood—I was certainly loved, cared for, and looked after—but despite having two siblings, a mother, and a stepfather (who raised me), I seldom felt a sense of belonging and often times I felt very lonely.
Growing up I could never quite put my finger on what it was that was different, but I just knew that I was. I knew …
How I’ve Stopped Letting My Unhealed Parents Define My Worth
“Detachment is not about refusing to feel or not caring or turning away from those you love. Detachment is profoundly honest, grounded firmly in the truth of what is.” ~Sharon Salzberg
A few months ago, my father informed me that he’d been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Although he seemed optimistic about the treatment, I knew that hearing such news was not easy.
After a few weeks, I followed up with him. He ignored my message and went silent for a couple of months. Although his slight ghosting was common, it made me feel ignored and dismissed.
In the meantime, I …
How I’m Overcoming Codependency and the Need to Prove My Worth
“Everywhere you go, there you are.” ~Unknown
I have heard this quote many times throughout life, but that was it. I heard it, thought hmm, and moved on. Well, here I am at the age of thirty-nine, and I am really starting to see and understand it.
I first started noticing this idea showing up over and over again recently, at a time of a change in my career. I went from an ER nurse to an RN in the transfer center. So bedside nursing to office work.
I noticed one day, as I was sitting in …
All the Things I Didn’t Tell the Men I Dated Because I Was Afraid
I’ve recently been reflecting on my relationship history and how often I did things I wasn’t comfortable with instead of speaking up.
It would be easy to solely blame the men I’ve been with, but I’ve recognized I played a role by remaining silent instead of communicating my wants and needs and telling them when they were pushing my limits.
I have played a role in my own disrespect by swallowing my truth and showing a smile when I really felt uncomfortable.
I realize that everyone’s experiences are different, but if you can relate to what I wrote, perhaps you …
All the Wrong Reasons I Slept with Men Before and Why I’m Changing Now
“We think we want sex, but it’s not always about sex. It’s intimacy we want. To be touched. Looked at. Admired. Smiled at. Laugh with someone. Feel safe. Feel like someone’s really got you. That’s what we crave.” ~Anonymous
I have not had sex in years. I was meditating one day, and my mind was silent (an extremely rare event), then I heard “Do not have sex until you are married.” Something I heard often growing up as a southern Baptist.
I started breathing fast, and my thoughts immediately started racing. I am pretty sure I cried, if not in …
3 Key Benefits to Forgiving and Why I Thanked My Imperfect Parents
TRIGGER WARNING: This post mentions physical abuse and may be triggered to some people.
“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” ~Marianne Williamson
The subject of forgiveness comes up often in conversation, but I find that when it comes to the details of what that truly entails, what that process feels like is not actually talked about.
Over the years, I’ve heard the following statements most often from people when the subject of forgiving someone came …
11 Important Things I’ve Learned in 11 Years of Marriage
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~Dave Meurer
My husband and I will soon be celebrating our eleventh anniversary. By no means do we have the perfect marriage or are we the perfect couple. Over our eleven years of marriage, I’ve recognized a few critical areas needed to build a solid and lasting union as a couple.
Here are eleven things I’ve learned in eleven years of marriage.
1. Communicate.
In the early days of my marriage, I was terrible at communicating my feelings …
How Not Setting Boundaries Serves Our Primal Need for Acceptance
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” ~Brené Brown
I used to believe that others didn’t have healthy boundaries. They didn’t know where to draw the line, and I was the victim of overbearing people. People that would always cross the invisible line.
When people crossed that line, it left me feeling uncomfortable, exhausted, and resentful. It felt wrong in my gut, but I never knew how to communicate it or change it until later in life. Lack of boundaries seeped into every part of my life, personal, professional, and everything …
5 Meditation Retreat Practices to Try at Home for a More Mindful Life
“Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobtrusively.” ~Sharon Salzberg
It was the fifth night of my first silent retreat, and 100 of us spilled out of the meditation hall into darkness, flashlights swinging as we made our way along the path to our dorms and sleep.
Suddenly the wind picked up and quiet excitement rippled through the group as we looked up to see a bank of clouds move and reveal a full moon, beaming a bright white light from the night sky. We stopped and stood, some of us for hours, gazing upwards.…
The Exhausted Extrovert: How I Stopped Worrying About How People See Me
“When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we are not pretending, we are not hiding—we are simply present with whatever is going on inside us. Ironically, it is this very feeling of authenticity that draws people to us, not the brittle effort of perfectionism.” ~Maureen Cooper
Most people in my life would call me an extrovert, and I often refer to myself with that label as well. On the surface, I appear friendly, talkative, and enthusiastic, and those characteristics became part of my identity at an early age. I enjoy being around other people and value my interpersonal relationships.
I …
How I Stopped Carrying the Weight of the World and Started Enjoying Life
“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” ~Najwa Zebian
During a personal development course, one of my first assignments was to reach out to three friends and ask them to list my top three qualities. It was to help me see myself the way others saw me.
At the time, my confidence was low and I couldn’t truly see myself. I didn’t remember who I was or what I wanted. The assignment was a way to rebuild my self-esteem and see myself from a broader perspective.
As I vulnerably asked and then received the responses, …
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