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Posts tagged with “Confidence”

How to Stop Doubting Yourself So You Can Go After Your Dreams

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“The gap between what we do and what we’re capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.” ~Gandhi

I have lived most of my life with a challenging contradiction.

I am a hopeless idealist and dreamer. And I have also dealt with high levels of anxiety, worry, and doubt, especially as an adult.

You can probably already see how this can go horribly wrong!

I’d have an idea of something I’d like to do.

An idea that would excite and thrill me. I would feel energized—enthusiastic and excited about the possibility of making a dream …

9 Confidence Myths That Only Quiet People Will Truly Understand

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“Quiet is the new loud.” ~Patrick Stump

 Isn’t it ironic?

When you need it the most, your confidence is nowhere to be found.

When you’re freaking out at the thought of meeting new people, speaking up or going for that job interview, you’re only ally has gone AWOL.

And even though you’ve tried all the standard advice on how to be more confident, more self-assured, if you’re anything like I used to be, it’s left you even more anxious. Even less sure of yourself.

And all your efforts to be more confident have got you worrying that there’s actually …

How to Feel Good In Your Skin: 7 Powerful Lessons on Beauty

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“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” ~Proverb

I struggled with body image for years while I was living in Europe because I have a very fair complexion, oily skin, and thin hair.

During my childhood, people would look at me and comment on how pale I looked and ask my mother if I was anemic. Later on, as I was growing up, people who met me would ask if I was ill, or they would say that I look exhausted, tired, and weak.

It was most difficult during the summers, when there was always a social pressure …

How to Feel Good Enough (When You Feel Anything But)

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“There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them.” ~Ralph Marston

I recently had a personal conversation with someone who was describing some struggles they were experiencing. In passing, they mentioned “It’s okay for you, you’ve fought your battles” and went on to talk about how I’m married, I’m working in a career I love, and I’m “successful.”

Listening to them, I could feel my heart breaking, partly for them: I know what it’s like to compare my insides to someone else’s outsides and find myself severely wanting.

But I …

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem So You Can Thrive in Life

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“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

Aren’t you tired of it?

You know, that sneaking suspicion you aren’t enough.

That inner commentary about where you fall short all the time. The mean internal remarks about your ability to handle life and how you just don’t measure up.

And aren’t you fed up with how it’s been holding you back from pursuing what you truly desire?

A better relationship or more meaningful …

How To Shine Your Own Light and Let Go of Envy

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“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

“Look at her, who does she think she is?”

“He’s so full of himself. He’s so big headed”

Have you ever heard these types of expressions being used? Have you said them yourself?

I have.

Or at least I used to. I was taught to believe that people who shine their light were showing off. That they were brazen and big headed. But what does being full of …

10 Ways to Feel Confident Doing Things That Scare You

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“With confidence, you have won before you have started.” ~Marcus Garvey

It’s not a great feeling.

Whether it’s meeting new people, speaking in front of a crowd, or learning a new skill, that inner knowing that you just aren’t feeling strong enough to competently complete the task ahead festers inside you.

I’ve had this feeling on numerous occasions.

As a kid I developed a fear of speaking out which emerged from a deep discontent with my body image, which translated later into a fear of socializing and public speaking.

I would have thoughts running through my mind such …

Shedding Layers of Pain and Learning to Love Our Bodies

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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.” ~Buddha

I cried when I watched the YouTube clip of Amy Pence-Brown standing in a bikini in a crowded marketplace in Idaho.

In the clip Amy asks people to write on her body. Her arms are wide open, she has a blindfold on, she has curves and cellulite, and she is completely vulnerable.

Why did she do it? Because she wanted to say: Here’s my body, complete and real. You can choose to accept me or reject me, but here’s my body. I want to …

Discover Your Inner Confidence Through Skills You Already Love

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“I think a lot of people mistake my confidence on stage for cockiness in real life, and that’s actually farthest from the truth. When I’m on stage, I’m that confident and that cocky because I have a microphone in my hand, and there’s a few thousand people staring at me. And I know they’re there to laugh.” ~Russell Peters

When I was ten, I opened the black, roughly textured box with the metal clasps, pulling out my first saxophone.

The alto sax would come to represent my inner confidence. My true self. The person who paints with sound the complex …

How to Regain Confidence After Someone Puts You Down

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“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” ~Maya Angelou 

Have you ever been the recipient of put-downs, snide remarks, or hostile language?

If you have, your confidence may have suffered a significant nosedive.

I once attended a summer music camp for young musicians. I was studying the piano and enjoyed playing classical music, but I always had a deep fear of performing in front of others, especially other highly skilled musicians.

Desiring to overcome this crippling fear, I decided to audition for an upcoming recital. To my surprise, the audition went smoothly, and I qualified to …

A Simple Trick to Feel Less Anxious and More Confident

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“Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety.” ~Plato

A few weeks ago, I was standing in front of a mirror in the women’s bathroom at work.

I could feel the cold sweat down my spine and was angry for not being able to gain a better control of myself. I attempted everything in the book—took deep breaths, closed my eyes, tried to calm down, counted slowly to fifty.

No change.

My anxiety was still running high, my pulse was rushing, and I looked as a frightened little bird trapped in a cage. The occasion? An …

How to Transform Self-Criticism into Self-Appreciation

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“Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t. Start loving yourself for everything that you are.” ~Unknown

They stop you dead in your tracks.

Critical thoughts.

Like tiny knives, they slash at your happiness.

In public, you feign confidence. You can easily squish down your critical thoughts. You push yourself to smile, laugh, and even be the life of the party.

But when the dust settles, and you are all alone, the thoughts start, first as a trickle: “I shouldn’t have said that. Why couldn’t I say smarter things?” And then they start to crash harder and stronger with, “I am …

How to Turn Your Fear into Excitement So You Can Pursue Your Dreams

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“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance.” ~John Lennon

When it comes to facing fear and moving past it in order to see my dreams realized, I was always advised to power through it. Do the thing that scares you, no matter how much it makes your heart pound. Take that step that makes your stomach knot up in tight balls. Do it and power through, or else miss out …

10 Steps to Access Your Goodness and Change Your Life

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“Goodness is the only investment that never fails.” ~Henry David Thoreau 

A few years ago I found myself on the floor of my apartment with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, feeling miserable.

In fact, I had felt that way for a while. My four-year relationship had collapsed, work was losing its meaning, and I felt deeply misunderstood, unloved, and lonely. Money was tight; I was overweight, lethargic, and confused; and my future seemed blurry.

But then, something changed.

I decided to shift my perspective and see what my life would be like if I stopped beating myself up over “…

Overcoming Approval Addiction: Stop Worrying About What People Think

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“What other people think of me is none of my business.” ~Wayne Dyer

Do you ever worry about what people think about you?

Have you ever felt rejected and gotten defensive if someone criticized something you did?

Are there times where you hold back on doing something you know would benefit yourself and even others because you’re scared about how some people may react?

If so, consider yourself normal. The desire for connection and to fit in is one of the six basic human needs, according to the research of Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes. Psychologically, to be rejected …

A Change That Leads to Unconditional Self-Confidence

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“Kindness in words creates confidence.” ~Lao Tzu

Does your life feel like an endless experience of struggle and stress? That while you have moments of reprieve, they are transient and short lived?

It may be that the problem lies with your confidence—in your belief in your ability to bring about successful outcomes when you experience challenges.

For many of us, our attitudes toward ourselves continually undermine our confidence.

That was my experience for most of my life. My confidence was dependent on how I felt I was doing.

If I did well, I felt good. If I struggled, …

7 Things to Realize When You Think You Don’t Matter

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“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.” ~Hafiz of Shiraz

Have you ever felt like you didn’t matter?

Were you ever held back from pursuing something because the voice in your head said, “Why bother?”

You’re not alone.

I once felt that way too, but I discovered a way out of that dark time.

In my early twenties, fresh out of college, I had my first professional job interview. I had the blissful optimism and naiveté characteristic of most college grads seeing a world full of infinite …

8 Secrets To Developing Confidence (So Self-Doubt Never Sabotages You Again)

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“What you think of yourself is much more important than what people think of you.” ~Seneca

I can still remember it like it happened yesterday.

There I was. Ten years old. It was my first day back at school.

I walked past the enormous church that marked the entrance of the school compound. I passed under this huge tree as it towered over me. I was in a crowd of other screaming school kids. They laughed and cackled loudly.

Me?

I just felt overwhelmed.

See, I was always an anxious kid. Scared. Worried that I hadn’t done my homework properly. …

Change Your Life by Changing Your Mind About Yourself

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“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

I’d had enough.

Once again, I’d sent follow-up emails to guys who had shown interest in my dating site profile. Once again, I’d included full-length photos with those emails, unlike the headshot that went along with my online profile.

And once again, days later, my inbox was a virtual ghost town.

Didn’t these guys know how much courage it took for me to set up a profile in the first place? I was twenty-six years old and been on fewer than a dozen dates in my life—including my …

Why You Should Do That Thing You’ve Always Wanted to Do

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“Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly.” ~Robert H. Schuller

In March this year, I did something I had wanted to do since the age of nine: I had my first piano lesson. At the time I was nearly thirty-five, so it had only taken me twenty-six years to get around to it.

Why the delay? Well, when I was little, we couldn’t afford lessons, but looking back I see that was only an excuse until I got my first part-time job at sixteen—which means that the last nineteen years of procrastinating were entirely down to me.…