“Be there. Be open. Be honest. Be kind. Be willing to listen, understand, accept, support, and forgive. This is what it means to love.” ~Lori Deschene
They say your heart pounds when you’re in love.
But the very idea of opening up and letting love in can bring on the wrong kind of palpitations.
Saying yes to love… that’s like standing naked, bare naked, every inch of you on show.
Or so I thought.
My Impregnable Force Field
“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” ~Bertrand Russell…
“Quiet is the new loud.” ~Patrick Stump
Isn’t it ironic?
When you need it the most, your confidence is nowhere to be found.
When you’re freaking out at the thought of meeting new people, speaking up or going for that job interview, you’re only ally has gone AWOL.
And even though you’ve tried all the standard advice on how to be more confident, more self-assured, if you’re anything like I used to be, it’s left you even more anxious. Even less sure of yourself.
And all your efforts to be more confident have got you worrying that there’s actually …
“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority.” ~Mandy Hale
It sucks, doesn’t it?
People who ask too much of you?
People who steal your time and drain your energy.
Who just keep on attacking your natural defenses, abusing your loyalty and exploiting your love.
You want to stop giving, to say no! But frustratingly, when you try to pull away, they say or imply that you’re the selfish one.
And in some cases it’s unwanted or impractical to distance yourself from that person, especially if they’re a family …
“Lean too much on other people’s approval and it becomes a bed of thorns.” ~Tehyi Hsieh
Let’s be honest with each other.
You’re a people-pleaser
So am I.
And so is Oprah, the President of The United States, and the guy next door.
We’re all people-pleasers to some extent. And that’s okay. Wanting to be approved of—and loved—is as natural as wanting food and shelter.
It’s when you try to please everyone that it becomes a problem. In fact, more than a problem, a disease. Harriet B. Braiker called it “the disease to please.”
“Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” ~Oscar Wilde
Does the race for riches leave you unfulfilled?
Does the thought of constantly chasing ever more cash leave you stressed, depressed even?
Does the whole idea of measuring your personal worth in terms of your personal wealth leave you deeply dissatisfied?
It did for me.
Poor in possessions and somewhat fiscally challenged, I never fit in with my richer friends.
And no matter how much I told myself that money didn’t buy happiness, I still felt …
“Every day is an adventure.” ~Joseph B. Wirthlin
It gets to you, doesn’t it?
You feel trapped in a life of monotonous everyday routine. One dull day merges into the next, each equally forgettable. The months slide past until you look up from your desk and suddenly another birthday’s here.
So you avidly consume programs and articles on fearless adventurers and bold entrepreneurs who risked everything to pursue their dreams.
And you follow them hoping someday to have your own stories to tell, your own daredevil memories to post and tweet. But instead, you end up doing …
“Children see magic because they look for it.” ~Christopher Moore
Adulthood? No thanks!
All too often, being grown up is the pits.
It can leave you drowning in responsibility, suffocating from anxiety, and sinking with doubts about your ability to be all that you should.
Frazzled, you fall into bed to fortify yourself for tomorrow’s craziness. Then you lie awake fretting over your lack of action you regret, scary debt, and all the targets you haven’t met.
Life’s supposed journey has left you dreading where you’re heading.
What the hell happened?
Somewhere between making daisy chains and making money, …
“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha
Anger is merciless.
It leaves you feeling torn up inside.
Your head pounds. Your jaw locks. And your muscles scream. Every inch reels in pain with the electric shock that shoots through you.
You can’t eat, or sleep, or function like a rational human being.
You’ve good reason to be afraid of unleashing that screaming monster of rage lurking inside you. You’ll likely lose control, lash out, and retaliate.
Even though you have been wronged, you’ll end up feeling guilty, ashamed, even horrified by …
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
If you’re anything like I used to be, your inner critic packs a powerful punch.
You’ve got a vicious voice bad mouthing you for much of the day. And when it’s in one of those moods, wow, are you going to suffer.
It’s no wonder you feel small, disappointed, and ashamed of who you are.
It’s the reason you lie in bed at night feeling like a failure, convinced you’re a nobody, certain you’re a serial mistake …