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Posts tagged with “needs”

How to Overcome Unhealthy Cravings When You’re Feeling Down

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“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.” ~Buddha

As a kid, I was taught that the Devil tempted us to do evil deeds. When I had the urge to do something naughty, I imagined a pitchfork-totin’ demon whispering into my ear. He’d encourage me to steal that Hershey’s bar from the 7-11, or to lie to my mom when she asked if I’d finished my homework.

Today, I don’t believe in the existence of the Devil, but I do believe my doubts and fears can appear to be downright devilish—if I give in to …

Giving in Relationships Without Losing Yourself or Sacrificing Your Needs

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“Relationships are about two individuals who maintain their own lives and create another one together.” ~Unknown

When I am in relationship I put all of myself into it, and can sometimes neglect my own needs as a result.

I’ve recognized that I’m doing this in my current relationship, and I’ve realized that while it is wonderful to be truly committed, it is important not to lose oneself. This is where healthy boundaries come into play.

A healing practitioner recently reminded me that relationships are excellent opportunities for personal growth.

As someone who was single for almost a decade and has …

6 Tips to Love and Support Yourself and Become a Happier You

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“Awaken; return to yourself” ~Marcus Aurelius

Darkness. Resentment. Detachment. Extreme discomfort.

Those are the words I would use to describe my internal experience during my adolescent years up to young adulthood.

Depression was something I was all too familiar with. Fear was running my life and I was exhausted. I now understand that a lot of it had to do with the dysfunctional family I grew up in and the pain that ensued.

Determined to break this unhealthy way of being, I’ve been on a road of healing and self-growth over the past few years.

However, my transition into a …

10 Things to Stop Doing If You Want to Be Happy

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“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” ~Dale Carnegie

There was a time when I didn’t think I could ever be happy.

I felt alone. I felt confused. And I felt overwhelmed.

Luckily, that all began to change when I started looking inside. I discovered how I was the cause of my unhappiness.

And I discovered what stood between me and enjoying life.

Here are ten of the things I discovered:

1. Neglecting

…

What Helped Me Forgive Myself and Honor My Needs

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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes

Have you ever tried to forgive someone who hurt you, and despite your best efforts, it was just too hard? So you beat yourself up because you were not able to forgive, and the pain was still there?

I spent years trying to forgive others.

I tried to forgive a family member for abusing me as a child.

I tried to forgive my primary school teacher of seven years for constantly hammering that even though I was a straight-A student, I wasn’t …

Stop Worrying About What Other People Think and Be Yourself

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“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” ~Oscar Wilde

Confession: I’m a master wallflower.

In high school, a friend and I decided to skip our dreary computer class and roam the halls instead. The following day, our crabby teacher immediately reprimanded my friend for skipping class. I sat directly next to her, giggling and rubbing it in her face.

The teacher didn’t even know my name, let alone that I had skipped his class the previous day. I rejoiced in my anonymity thinking, “It pays to be unknown.”

To an extent, it was true. My friend was so disruptive and …

Learning to Speak Up: You Deserve to Meet Your Needs

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“Ask for what you want. Give other people the opportunity to say ‘yes.’ Stop saying ‘no’ for them. “ ~Roger Ellerton

I never realized until very recently exactly how hard it’s been for me to speak up for my needs. To ask for what I require and want. I honestly don’t know how I’ve navigated through life.

Let me rephrase that: I’ve managed life by being very passive, ignoring my own desires. Then that small grain of resentment would build into frustration, and I would explode.

I became a fiery and angry woman. I expressed my needs in a destructive …

Live by Your Values and Everything Else Will Fall into Place

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“Until you make peace with who you are, you will never be content with what you have.” ~Doris Mortman

As I sit here writing this, I am still in the middle of a huge shift in my life, a shift that has seen me move from living by other people’s values and expectations to identifying and living by my own.

The catalyst for change was a health scare when, on my thirtieth birthday, my doctor told me that I may have cervical cancer. Luckily, I got the all clear, but something had shifted and I realized how dissatisfied with my …

Finding a Good Match: Know What You Want and Need in a Relationship

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“You’ll never find the right person if you never let go of the wrong one.” ~Unknown

I recently left a relationship that I was not happy in. Although my ex was definitely an unconditional lover, it painfully bothered me that the man I loved was not taking care of his responsibilities.

Since I’ve entered my twenties, I’ve been looking for more than just a good time; I need a stable partner who will be able to meet our shared expenses and obligations in the future. So, I was faced with the crucial, inevitable decision of calling it quits.

I cried …

4 Ways to Fulfill Your Needs While Helping Others

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“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” ~Dalai Lama

“Take care of the self.” This was the last line of an email I received from a professor many years ago. It was in response to my message explaining that I would not attend class that week because my brother-in-law had been killed by a drunk driver.

I had expected a standard offer of sympathy and a summary of the assignments I would be missing. Indeed, my professor offered condolences for my loss, but then he told me not to worry about …

The Dangers of Staying Quiet: Learning to Ask For Help

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“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard

My right leg lay twisted, broken and disconnected. As I regained awareness, I could hear a primal scream.

It took a while to register that it was coming from me.

At the time, I was supposedly living my dream, but in truth I was drowning in my loneliness. So I had stood almost directly behind a horse I knew was prone to kicking and pulled her tail.

She wasn’t malicious; if she was, I would be dead now, as I had …

How to Deal With Change When Change Is Hard

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“You must welcome change as the rule but not your ruler” ~Denis Waitley

My name is Hannah, and I find it hard to deal with change.

As much as I used to want to think of myself as flexible and easy-going, I struggle to live up to these ideals. I like to know where I am, what I’m doing, where I’m going, and to have my near future mapped out in lists, to-dos, and ideas. In short, I do whatever I can to minimize the level of uncertainty in my life.

My discomfort around uncertainty means I am usually …

4 Conscious Choices to Stay Balanced and Happy When You’re Busy

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“Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but of balance, order, rhythm, and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

I’m not someone who enjoys busyness or sees it as a sign of importance. In fact, I’ve often sacrificed money and opportunities to have more time to watch movies, roam around my neighborhood, and generally live life at a slow pace.

This is the way I most enjoy experiencing my days—by creating space to just be. And I find this supports my passion as a writer, since it allows me abundant opportunities to play, explore, and expand my understanding of the world and …

Transform Your Life by Loving Yourself in Action

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“Your actions are your only true belongings.” ~Allan Lokos

I used to be the kind of girl who relished stable and perfect surroundings. I fanned my magazines. I scrubbed the inside of the refrigerator.

I worked tirelessly to cultivate the external environment that I was lacking inside.

Externally, things were in order. The bills were paid. The laundry was folded.

Internally, I was a voracious black hole of yearning.

I consumed everything that was closest to me—food, love, validation—in an attempt to fill the void that I experienced on a daily basis. That feeling of not being enough, of …

Stop Overextending Yourself to Please Others: 6 Simple Tips

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“Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

In a span of one month, my beloved little red Toyota catches on fire, burning to a molten blob; I land in the emergency room with a ruptured disc after lifting a child out of her wheelchair; and I try a do-it-yourself hair highlighting kit, which leaves me looking, well, think Phyllis Diller.

I feel confused. I have tried so hard to do all the right things. How could my life have gotten so off track?

I am in the grip of a disorder some people might call manic …

5 Tips to Recognize and Honor Your Needs in Relationships

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“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

In what feels like a previous life, I was a serial dater.

I looked for attention, validation, and identification in relationships. Each guy, however wrong for me, seemed like the perfect fit for my empty hand.

Maybe I hated being around his smoking, but I brushed it off and tried to breathe the other way.

Maybe our conversations were dull, but I thought it’d get better. Maybe I cringed at being dragged to another party, but I went, because he wanted to see his friends.

This pattern continued …

Dealing with Stress: 2 Steps to Create Harmony and Balance

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“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

“If you have aspirin, please take it now. It might be bitter, but if you’re having a heart attack, it will help.”

If I wasn’t already anxious, hearing this advice the nurse gave me certainly didn’t help. Fifteen minutes later, I was in the emergency room—a 34-year-old, physically-fit, overachieving, workaholic, enabling control freak—having the classic symptoms of a heart attack.

As I sat on the hospital bed, breathing as deeply as I could into what was happening, my mind started to race: Was …

Say No

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“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

As children we’re taught to just say no, and we do it with abandon.

Want to come inside and get ready for dinner? No! Want to shut off the TV and go grocery shopping? No! Want to wear the glittery holiday sweater grandma bought you last year? You know where this is going.

Then we get older and learn about etiquette. We get that sometimes we need to do things that we don’t want to. We understand …