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Stop Trying to Fix Yourself and Start Enjoying Your Life

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“You think that the goal is to be over there, and we say the goal is the journey over there; the goal is the fun you have along the way on your way to over there.” ~Abraham

I have a clear memory of my mother looking at my bookshelves several years ago and commenting, “You’re always reading all these self-help books, and where has it gotten you?”

I responded with a quip about how I’ll always be working to align my personality with my soul, to which she scoffed and said, “When will you grow up and realize you have …

What’s Really Going on When Someone Seems “Too Sensitive”

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“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” ~Cynthia Occelli

The whole time I was growing up, I was told, incessantly, that I was “too sensitive.” These words, when I first heard them, came from the mouth of the person I vowed I would never become.

And yet, as I grew up, these words didn’t stay within the darkness of my childhood home. They began to roll out of the mouths of kids …

Create an Extraordinary Life: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Daily

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“We have one precious life: do something extraordinary today, even if it’s tiny. A pebble starts the avalanche.” ~K.A. Laity

Do you have a vision of a life you want to lead?

Doing work that you enjoy, being happy, healthy, and having great relationships?

You probably have your own idea of what an extraordinary life means. But how often do you feel that you are living that life?

Life is bound within the confines of our schedules, our money, and our limited resources.

There are many things that you want to do, or want to be, but most of the …

No Matter What You Tell Yourself, There Is Nothing Wrong with You

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“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” ~Bronnie Ware from Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

I wish I could remember the exact moment I mis-learned that being myself wasn’t going to cut it.

It happened early. Maybe kindergarten. I didn’t do it consciously, but at some undetectable moment, I put my real self in a box and created someone else. This new me was so much better—always happy, very accommodating, super quick and witty, and an expert at everything.

This new me was almost impossible to …

The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude

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“I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Shock. Rage. Sorrow. Excitement. Terror. These are just a handful of the emotions one experiences in the aftermath of a separation or divorce. Emotional rollercoaster? It’s more like being hit with the speed and velocity of a bullet train.

I should know. After twenty-five years of marriage to a kind and accomplished man, I found myself alone.

Our decision to divorce was neither acrimonious nor cruel; neither sudden nor impulsive. Rather, our decision to file for divorce was an incremental process.

We had more disappointment than …

What Creates Abusive People and How to Release Your Anger

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“The biggest problem for humanity, not only on a global level, but even for individuals, is misunderstanding.” ~Rinpoche

Through the course of the relationship he was dishonest, emotionally manipulative, and unkind. It was subtle at first—do we really sign up for this on the dating application? But the acts wound their way through like a slow vine that eventually kills a tree. When it ended, he handled it atrociously.

It took me many months to process it all, facing things I had suppressed in denial. When the shock wore off, I had a desire to let him know how he …

How to Stop Being a Victim of Your Own High Expectations

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“The outward freedom that we shall attain will only be in exact proportion to the inward freedom to which we may have grown at a given moment. And if this is a correct view of freedom, our chief energy must be concentrated on achieving reform from within.” ~Gandhi

If someone asked you to recall the last time you were kind to yourself, would you struggle to bring up that memory?

At one point in time, I couldn’t remember ever being kind to myself.

I grew up with a lot of expectations from a demanding mother and other caretakers. Their expectations …

6 Signs You Have a Strong Friendship That Will Stand the Test of Time

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“Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” ~Muhammad Ali

Doesn’t it hurt?

You develop a friendship with someone who appeared to be decent but turned out to be a huge problem in your life.

I’m not talking about those occasional slip-ups like keeping you waiting at the coffee shop until 4:10 when the rendezvous was scheduled for 4:00.

I mean those things that completely slash the fabric of your friendship—stuff that truly hurts, like harsh words that prey on your weaknesses and sensitivities, or complete …

What to Do When You Love Someone Who Hurts You

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“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chödrön

There is a person in my life who I love with all my heart, but in this relationship I struggle to keep a full cup myself. They are family, the situation is complicated and tender. But learning to have compassion for this other person begins with having compassion for myself.

A nasty divorce spanning most of my childhood set the stage for our current situation. My mother was deeply emotionally wounded by my father, and carried that pain into her parenting of my …

Why Silence Is Often the Best Response to a Verbal Attack

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“Have the maturity to sometimes know that silence is more powerful than having the last word.” ~Thema Davis

It all started with the forks.

“You need to return my forks,” my roommate demanded one morning as I sat in the kitchen attempting to get some work done.

“I have already said that I don’t have them. We told you that the other roommate has been hiding them,” I replied.

She began raising her voice at me, “I can’t believe you would accuse her. You’re just a mean, nasty person!”

I slowly turned around and said calmly, “Today is my birthday, …

How to Make Peace with the Past and Stop Being a Victim

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“Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” ~Harvey Fienstein

Do you usually feel as if everything bad that can happen will happen, and it will happen to you?

You must be the unluckiest person on the face of the planet. Opportunities never work out. Doors that should open close in your face. Friends let you down. Bosses don’t see your value. There seems to be a universal conspiracy to keep you stuck right where you are now.

You feel like your life is always going to be like this.…

Why We Don’t Need to Try So Hard to Be Better

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“To heal a wound, you need to stop touching it.” ~Unknown

I’ve always been an overachiever. In sixth grade, I spent weeks memorizing over five pages of the poem “Horatius at the Bridge” for extra credit, even though I already had an A in the class.

When I started therapy in my mid-twenties to deal with depression and panic attacks, I turned my overachieving tactics to self-improvement. I spent hours journaling, going to meetings, talking to mentors, reading books, and beating myself up when I fell into old habits.

I always worried: Was I doing it right? Was I …

Why Advice Doesn’t Help When We’re Hurting (and What Does)

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“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we’re listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” ~Karl A. Menninger

I remember my first call like it was yesterday.

I answered the phone, heart beating out of my chest, hand firm on a sheet of local emergency phone numbers.

The voice on the other end was full of… meek embarrassment.

Not exactly what I was expecting.

“Uhh, I’m really sorry… I’m not, uhh… I’m not suicidal…. I just… I just had a …

You Don’t Have to Adjust Who You Are to Please Others

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“If you are busy pleasing everyone, you are not being true to yourself.” ~Jocelyn Murray

Do you say yes to things only to keep people happy?

Do you fear saying and doing what you actually want?

I know how that feels.

From a young age, I was the polite, good girl. I rarely rebelled. I wanted to keep everyone happy. I thought that if I was honest I’d be rejected. That those closest to me wouldn’t love me. I thought I’d end up alone.

At friends’ houses, asked what I’d like to drink or eat, I would always respond with …

Are You Being Too Supportive? (Yes, There is Such a Thing)

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“We cripple people who are capable of walking because we choose to carry them.” ~Christie Williams

Years ago, I had a dear friend who needed a lot of support for various reasons. She was working hard to find her way out of a dark period. She had suffered traumas and tragedies—things I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Her life really did resemble a roller coaster ride. It was heartbreaking to watch her struggle, exciting when things would be on the upswing, and upsetting again when things would spiral downhill.

Because I had known her almost my whole life and because I …

Why Strong, Brave People Aren’t Afraid to Quit

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“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

Throughout my life I’ve quit many things.

I quit a reasonably ‘sexy’ job title and steady paycheck.

I quit a six-year relationship with an essentially giving and loving person.

I quit being a yoga teacher after investing heavily in getting qualified.

I’ve quit many courses halfway through like calligraphy (of all things), ‘life design map’ courses, and online courses for all sorts of random things.

I quit therapy once, before they told me we were ‘done.’

I’ve quit several crappy part-time jobs when I first started …

3 Things to Remember When Facing Emotional Pain

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“We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us—how we can take it, what we do with it—and that is what really counts in the end.” ~Joseph Fort Newton

Life is messy. Sometimes it’s so beautiful that I feel blinded by the glory I have the privilege of bearing witness to. Other times, I have felt such deep despair that I thought my tears would never end.

Unfortunately, my husband and I endured the deepest despair we could possibly imagine immediately following what should have been our …

A Simple Sentence That Helps When You Feel Overwhelmed

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“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Days after the initial divorce from my ex-partner, I wanted to meet two very close friends in the city. I knew they would be loving and supportive and that the experience would be good for me. But I was so grief stricken and overwhelmed with emotion that even leaving the house felt like a monumental effort.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, picturing all the steps it would take me from where I was now to where they were seemed insurmountable. Normally, I would have jumped in …

12 Ways to Turn Your Crippling Stress into Happiness

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“More smiling, less worrying. More compassion, less judgment. More blessed, less stressed. More love, less hate.” ~Roy Bennett

You are a slave to stress.

I can relate. Stress crushed my life and dreams.

I started a business and faced intense criticism over this decision.

Everyone was sure I’d fail. My friends and family attacked me while I was combating my own self-doubt.

My stress level was insanely high.

Then the worst happened. My business failed and I lost all my savings. I was crushed.

It took a long time to finally accept this failure.

Today, whenever I work, stress still …

Dealing with “Haters”: How to Rise Above the Negative

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“The final proof of greatness lies in being about to endure criticism without resentment.” ~Elbert Hubbard

A splash of tequila to the unsuspecting open eyes is a brutal way to learn that someone has a problem with you.

My brother’s girlfriend was drunk at the time, and laughing so hard at the sting of my agony that she had a bathroom accident. I hadn’t provoked her in any way. It was just one of those things that make you wonder.

Later I would come to find out how much she secretly detested my academic success.

I didn’t understand it at …