Posts tagged with “survivor”
3 Things to Do if You’re Wondering: Why Can’t I Just Be Happy?
Do you sometimes see people running around enjoying life and wonder what you’re missing? Sometimes I used to think I must be a horrible person. I had so many things going for me, and I still couldn’t be happy. I would ask myself, is there something wrong with me? Am I a narcissist?
Then sometimes I would decide I was just going to be happy. I would fake it until I made it and just accept that’s who I was. But it wouldn’t take long for me to feel overwhelmingly depressed.
I had a little dark hole that would …
I Don’t Know Who I Am: How I’m Finding Myself Again After the Abuse
“When you turn the corner / And you run into yourself / Then you know that you have turned / All the corners that are left.” ~Langston Hughes
Nearly two years ago I left a long-term controlling and abusive relationship.
I didn’t know that I was in one. I just knew that I was desperate.
Abusers take everything away from you. I don’t just mean your money or your home or your children, although they take those as well. I mean everything, including your sense of self.
Toward the end of the relationship, I wrote in my journal: “I …
“But He Never Hit Me!” – How I Ignored My Abuse for 30 Years
“People only see what they are prepared to see.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Abuse is a funny thing. I don’t mean humorous, of course.
I mean the other definition of funny: difficult to explain or understand.
Abuse shouldn’t be difficult to understand. If someone is mistreated, we should be able to clearly point a finger and proclaim, “That is wrong.”
But not all abuse is obvious or clear-cut.
I was abused for most of my adult life and didn’t know it.
Crazy, right?
Let me state it again: I was abused and didn’t know it.
I only saw what I …
How I Changed My Perspective When I Was Too Angry to Be Grateful
This is not your usual piece about gratitude.
I am sure you’re familiar with all the benefits of having a regular gratitude practice.
Chances are you, as a reader of this blog, have a gratitude routine of yours. I was one of you. I have been regularly gratitude journaling for over a year now. I have experienced all the promised benefits of it myself.
Gratitude journaling has helped me reduce my stress, get better sleep, and feel more energized. It improved my mental well-being so much that I even started a social media page to encourage others to practice gratitude.…
After the Assault: What I Now Know About Repressed Trauma
TRIGGER WARNING: This article details an account of sexual assault and may be triggering to some people.
The small park down the street from my childhood home: friends and I spent many evenings there as teenagers. We’d watch movies on each other’s MP3 players and eat from a bag of microwave popcorn while owls hooted from the trees above.
Twigs lightly poked against our backs. Fallen leaves graced skin. Crickets hummed in the darkness. The stars shone bright through the branches of the redwoods.
Eight years later at a park in Montevideo, Uruguay, darkness again surrounded me. Leaves and twigs …
How To Keep Moving Forward When You Feel Like Shutting Down
“I can’t believe what I’m managing to get through.” ~Frank Bruni
My worst fear was inflicted upon me three months ago: a cancer diagnosis—non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Out of nowhere!
Truth be told though, lots of awful things that happen to us come suddenly out of nowhere—a car accident, suicide, heart attack, and yes, a diagnostic finding. We’re stopped in our tracks, seemingly paralyzed as we go into shock and dissociative mode.
My world as I knew it stopped. It became enclosed in the universe of illness—tiny and limited. I became one-dimensional—a sick patient.
And I went into shock. To the …
How I Stopped Feeling Sorry for Myself and Shifted from Victim to Survivor
“When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.” ~Brené Brown
There was a time when I felt really sorry for myself. I had good reason to be. My life had been grim. There had been so much tragedy in my life from a young age. I had lost all my grandparents young, lived in a home with alcoholism and domestic abuse, and to top it all off, my dad killed himself.
I could write you a long list of how life did me wrong. I threw myself …
How to Thrive in Life after Surviving Cancer
“Have a little faith in your ability to handle whatever’s coming down the road. Believe that you have the strength and resourcefulness required to tackle whatever challenges come your way. And know that you always have the capacity to make the best of anything. Even if you didn’t want it or ask for it, even if it seems scary or hard or unfair, you can make something good of any loss or hardship. You can learn from it, grow from it, help others through it, and maybe even thrive because of it. The future is unknown, but you can know …
The Beauty in Her Baldness: Why My Mother Was Still Radiant with Cancer
“Beauty doesn’t come from physical perfection. It comes from the light in our eyes, the spark in our hearts, and the radiance we exude when we’re comfortable enough in our skin to focus less on how we look and more on how we love.” ~Lori Deschene
For as long as I can remember, my mom had long shiny silky black hair down to her knees. It was magical in the way that it attracted people and inspired curiosity and connection.
Everywhere we went, strangers approached her, usually timidly at first with a brief compliment, and then, after receiving her signature …
Why I Don’t Define Myself as a Victim and What I Do Instead
“The struggle of my life created empathy—I could relate to pain, being abandoned, having people not love me.” ~Oprah Winfrey
See yourself as a victim and you become one. Identify as a victim and you give your tormentor power over you, the very power to define who you are.
Statements like this have become commonly accepted wisdom today because they are undoubtedly true. If you see yourself as a victim, you will be one. You will be someone who has been defeated, someone who is at the mercy of another, and that is no way to live.
And yet, the …
39 Supportive Things to Say to a Male Survivor of Sexual Assault
“One in six men will be sexually assaulted at some point in their life. It doesn’t make us weak or less masculine—nor should it. Rather, we, as men, should encourage other men to speak up, to be courageous, share this burden with others, and to attend therapy and take medication. There is such a thing as healthy masculinity, and we can find that in our fellow men, in comforting those who are having a rough time. Seeking help in a healthy way, wanting to be better, practicing empathy and compassion and caring for each other are ways of practicing …
44 Things to Never Say to a Rape Survivor
“It was not your fault, even if you were drunk, even if you were wearing a low-cut mini-dress, even if you were out walking alone at night, even if you were on a date with the rapist and kind of liked him but didn’t want to have sex with him.” ~Joanna Connors
Child sexual abuse victims who speak up are incredibly brave and vulnerable. If a child comes to you for support, be mindful of your energy and reactions. If you need to ask them questions to get a better understanding, be mindful of your tone, body language, and intonation.…
I Am a Survivor, Not a Victim, and I’m Grateful for My Pain
TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.
“Emotional pain cannot kill you but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let your yourself heal.” ~Vironika Tugaleva
I was nine years old, sitting on the couch with my dad, watching a Very Brady Christmas (on my sister’s birthday, December 20th) when he first molested me. Terror, confusion, disbelief, and shame comingled to create a cocktail that would poison me for many years to come.
We grew up in a family that, from the outside, seemed …
6 Empowering Lessons Death Taught Me About Life
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life is what dies inside us while we live” ~Norman Cousins
I am not dead and I am not dying, so you may wonder why I write that death has taught me what I need to know about life.
I lost my mother when I was fifteen. Being a teenager, thoughts of anyone close to me dying had not entered my head. My mother had a brief illness and passed away unexpectedly at age forty-seven.
I remember that my schoolmates came to see me, and I kept thinking …
5 Lessons on Living Life Fully from a Breast Cancer Survivor
“We all have two lives. The second one begins when we realize we only have one.” ~Confucius
When I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in September 2014 I tried to spin this life curveball on its ugly head and find some lessons from this journey.
That’s how I dealt with the blow.
The truth is, I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. I never wanted to be a victim.
I wanted to be a survivor from day dot.
Throughout this process I learned five powerful lessons that I’d like to share with you so that you …
How to Redefine Yourself by Letting Go of the Past
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou
When I was eight years old, my mom had her first mental breakdown. The illusion of a typical suburban family shattered as the household descended into chaos. When the counselors and child protective services stepped in, I knew: I was undeniably different.
When you’re a child, family life is the classroom through which you learn how the world works. Once my mom was hospitalized, I realized how very different my lessons were.
Mortified, I retreated into a …
A Message for Anyone Who’s Been Abused and Has Kept It Inside
TRIGGER WARNING: This content deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson
My uncle molested me from the time I was about four until I was in my early twenties. He held me too long and hugged me too tight. He would growl in my ear like an animal in heat, his warm, wet, often alcoholic smelling breath overwhelming me.
This is how he greeted me at every occasion. When I was really …
We Are Never Alone in the Storm
“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown
Like so many others living in Florida, my family was deeply affected by hurricane Charlie in August of 2004. We have completely recovered financially some years later, but the gravity of the situation leaves feelings close to the surface.
Our particular community was heavily hit by what were called spin-off tornadoes. Most people in Orlando did not believe the storm was coming our way. We had little notice that the storm path had changed from the forecaster’s prediction.
A friend from Jacksonville called and said, …
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