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Posts tagged with “wisdom”

We Can Be Positive Without Repressing Our Emotions

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“I’m stronger because of the hard times, wiser because of my mistakes, and happier because I have known sadness.” ~Unknown

One day at my part-time job, my supervisor told me that my boss wanted to talk to me. This was completely unexpected, so I was a bit concerned. Everything had been going so incredibly smoothly in my life for the past week or two, and all I wanted was to keep that oh-so-wonderful peacefulness going.

But when I came into her office, I knew in my entire being that something was off. My stomach clinched up and I …

When Your Struggle Has Become Your Identity: How to Rediscover Yourself

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“It ain’t what they call you. It’s what you answer to.” ~W.C. Fields

For much of my life, I have struggled against the after effects of unresolved childhood trauma.

For years, I didn’t even know how much of an issue it was. I thought it was completely normal to expect the worst or avoid intimacy like the plague.

When I finally dragged myself into a therapist’s office and was diagnosed with “significant, complex trauma,” I initially felt free.

And I admit, it was freeing. I now knew that this “thing” that I had been dealing with my entire life wasn’t …

How To Move Forward When You Feel Paralyzed by Uncertainty

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“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life.” ~Eckhart Tolle

A woman in a relationship that is breaking her spirit might remain there for fear of what leaving will bring.

She doesn’t know if she will find another to care for her, and having a warm body is better than having no one. The uncertainty about whether or not she will survive that decision, and be happier for it, keeps her there.

I know the harsh clutches of uncertainty all too well. It wasn’t long ago that I waffled and wavered about every decision I …

What to Do When You Know What You Want but Feel Stuck

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“What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.” ~Dalai Lama

Five years ago I had a brilliant idea. Since I was pretty good with social media, I decided to start my own business helping companies develop their online presence.

My goal was to work for myself, and the plan was that I’d quit my job, travel the world, create my own schedule, and earn a living doing something I’d seen others have a great deal of success doing.

After spending weeks brainstorming I came up with the perfect name for my company. I wrote my mission statement, …

Why We Should Stop Trying

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“If only we’d stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time.” ~Edith Wharton

Several years ago a well-known Zen Master accepted me as a long distance student. In one of our first email exchanges I wrote, “Dear Teacher, I am trying to sit every day for thirty minutes and in my practice I am trying to follow my breath.”

“Please,” he wrote back, “stop trying. You are your breath.”

I remember reading his words and feeling perplexed, confused, almost annoyed. What in the world did he mean? Wasn’t it obvious that we had no choice but …

6 Tips to Love and Support Yourself and Become a Happier You

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“Awaken; return to yourself” ~Marcus Aurelius

Darkness. Resentment. Detachment. Extreme discomfort.

Those are the words I would use to describe my internal experience during my adolescent years up to young adulthood.

Depression was something I was all too familiar with. Fear was running my life and I was exhausted. I now understand that a lot of it had to do with the dysfunctional family I grew up in and the pain that ensued.

Determined to break this unhealthy way of being, I’ve been on a road of healing and self-growth over the past few years.

However, my transition into a …

You’re Going to Be Okay

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“The mind is everything. What you think, you become.” ~Buddha

“I will be okay,” I repeated to myself. “Deep breaths. You’re okay. Focus on the breath. I am going to be okay…”

I was on a small plane flying over the Rocky Mountains of Colorado on a hot summer afternoon—a notoriously turbulent time to fly.

I’m not afraid of flying. I do it a lot and it’s not something that makes me nervous, although the mantra could work perfectly well if I was. It does, for some reason, make me incredibly motion sick at times—scanning seatback pockets for white bags, …

How to Boost Your Self-Esteem When You’re Insecure

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“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

When it comes to self-esteem, I’ve had a bumpy ride. Throughout my school life I was severely bullied and, consequently, I grew up intensely insecure and self-critical.

I constantly measured my self-worth against the opinions of others, and when opinions weren’t forthcoming, I simply filled in the blanks by imagining the worst.

By my twenties I measured my self-worth in terms of my popularity, how successful I was compared to my friends, my appearance, and my love …

10 Things to Stop Doing If You Want to Be Happy

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“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” ~Dale Carnegie

There was a time when I didn’t think I could ever be happy.

I felt alone. I felt confused. And I felt overwhelmed.

Luckily, that all began to change when I started looking inside. I discovered how I was the cause of my unhappiness.

And I discovered what stood between me and enjoying life.

Here are ten of the things I discovered:

1. Neglecting

…

5 Things to Remember When You Start Worrying

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“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ~Benjamin Franklin

Have you every worried yourself to the point of emotional, even physical exhaustion?

Do you often feel stuck, anxious, or mistrustful of the world around you?

I know what it’s like to feel trapped by worry—in fact, I have always been a chronic worrier.

I worried and obsessed mostly about the hypothetical, the imaginary, the infinite variety of “what-if” scenarios. Eventually, I convinced myself that if I worried about every conceivable thing that could go wrong in my life, I would either …

Overcoming Approval Addiction: Stop Worrying About What People Think

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“What other people think of me is none of my business.” ~Wayne Dyer

Do you ever worry about what people think about you?

Have you ever felt rejected and gotten defensive if someone criticized something you did?

Are there times where you hold back on doing something you know would benefit yourself and even others because you’re scared about how some people may react?

If so, consider yourself normal. The desire for connection and to fit in is one of the six basic human needs, according to the research of Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes. Psychologically, to be rejected …

We Can Find Reasons to Be Happy and Grateful Every Day

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“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” ~Charlie Chaplin

Many people have told me throughout my life that I sound just like my mother when I laugh. I lost her to cancer when I was sixteen, over twenty years ago. I learned from her to laugh and laugh often, even through the toughest of times. “Happiness is a choice,” she always said.

Life has thrown a few curveballs my way over the past five years and tried to test my ability to choose happiness and laughter. My husband, Eric, and I had just started talking about having children when …

How To Design A Happier, More Fulfilling Life

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“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it’s something you design for the present.” ~Jim Rohn

A few weeks ago I found myself having a bad day. The frustrating thing was that on the outside everything was okay, nothing had explicitly gone wrong, but inside everything was a mess. It was one of those days where you’re in a constant battle with yourself.

At the beginning of the year I saved up enough to be able to quit my job and focus on building my own online/writing career. But on this particular day I felt nothing but …

5 Vital Lessons for People Who Feel Like They’re Not Good Enough

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“What if I fall? Oh, my darling, what if you fly?” ~Erin Hanson

Like most people, my life has had its share of ups and downs.

My household growing up could be best described as a roller coaster. There were times of excitement and happiness, then there was the plummeting into darkness, shame, and self-loathing.

Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I felt that I was a mistake, unloved, and unwanted by my father. His mood swings and verbal abuse would come raging like a storm without any warning, and without any end in sight.

He often told me that I …

Changing Your Life Story and Finding Your Happy Ending

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“Maybe it’s not about the happy ending. Maybe it’s about the story.” ~Unknown

For the longest ever time, I had no idea what my own story was.

Desperately uncomfortable in my skin as a child, I was equal parts pathologically shy with strangers and fearless with my sisters and brother, running wild over the boulder-strewn southern California land during summers.

As a young girl, I was also, more than once, the target for predators and perps.

The nameless elementary school janitor who invited me into his dark and dirty closet one day. The terrifying neighbor who stopped me in a …

How To Calm Your Worries by Admitting What You Don’t Know

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“Most things I worry about never happen anyway.” ~Tom Petty

There was once a wise farmer who had tended his farm for many years. One day his horse unexpectedly ran away into the mountains. Upon hearing the news, the farmer’s neighbors came to visit. 

“How terrible,” they told him.

“We’ll see,” the wise farmer replied.

The next morning, to the farmer’s surprise, the horse returned, bringing with it three wild horses.

“How wonderful. You are very lucky,” the neighbors exclaimed.

“We’ll see,” replied the farmer.

The following day, the farmer’s son tried to ride one of the wild horses. The …

A 60-Second Practice That Will Help You Find Peace and Relaxation

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“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh 

A while back, someone very dear to me entered intensive care. He’s someone I’ve learned so much from, and yet never met. I’ve read dozens of his books, both listened to and watched countless lectures, as well as been inspired to study Zen because of him.

On Friday, November 14th, after suffering a brain hemorrhage, Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Zen master and peace activist, went into a coma. For the past few weeks, Thay, as his students …

A 4-Minute Animated Video Course on Training Your Brain for Happiness

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If your brain is very unhappy, like Brody, who’s full of fear and self-doubt, take a few minutes to watch this cute little video. Happiness can be quite simple when we learn how to train our brain.

We All Deserve to Receive What We Need (and It’s Not Selfish)

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“We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving…Accepting another person’s gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.” ~Alexander McCall Smith

We all know the importance of giving. In fact, it feels rather nice to give to others; we have all experienced that warm glow in the stomach when we do something thoughtful for another person or exchange kind words. To make someone smile is one of the best feelings in the world.

But sometimes, do we get so caught up in …

A Simple Shift in Perspective That Can Improve Your Relationships

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“I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.” ~Gary Spence

Right after college, I joined AmeriCorps. Not really knowing what I wanted to do with my life, I decided to apply for a program teaching classes on HIV/AIDS. I knew a little about the subject, but I have family members affected by the disease.

A couple of cities hosted the program, and I was accepted into the Chicago one. I’m from a small town in Colorado and, to me, Chicago was a huge city. Well, it is the third largest city in the US, …