Dear Robi

I live on a small English island where I can see the coast of northern France so our time difference is not that big.
Orinoco Flow is the only Enya track that I know, my music repertoire is not that modern or large. I guess Alanis Morrisette was who I listened to in one of my angst periods even sent a copy to my ex! Anyway I have stepped back from music & dancing as entertainment as part of my preparation to eventually becoming a nun, even though I do these things at work in the preschool & carehome.
I hope you find a job that is not too stressful, but is not too boring either.
Roberta

Good Tuesday 6:03 am (your time), Robi:

In this post, I want to analyze Eminem’s lyrics above. But before you read my analysis, that is, what the lyrics bring up for me, maybe you would like to write/ develop your thoughts about what those words bring up for you?

For me-

“I said I’m sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry”-

That’s the very young Eminem boy, maybe 3, 6 years old. Totally empathetic to his mother, taking responsibility for her hurt, for her crying-

Just as little boys and girls do.

No “bad” words. Only love.

Then the adult Eminem comes on board, A.N.G.R.Y 😤 🤬, saying (rapping) it just-like-he-feels it.

Now, I can’t say the words he says: “fag*** father… fu***** wish he would die… I’d killed him, shit (no reason for me to *** is there?)… You selfish bitch, I hope you fu**** burn in hell for this shit” ( had to *** the f word)-

Point is, the above is beautiful, I can’t say it, but I WANT to!

It gives his anger just the right words.

His emotions find full, true expression. No softening, no philosophy, not even psychology, just straight, unapologetic anger.

He said what I wanted to say to my mother but held it in, suppressing, pushing it all down, going crazy in my head from keeping all the emotions inside.

I’ll move to the computer and continue)

Hey Dear Robi:

I didn’t respond yesterday to what you wrote here:

“There’s fear of not being good… Whenever I even think of getting any job, I always play out all sorts of things in my head, ‘But what if I mess up that or this?’… I would be afraid of making bad coffee… Yes.. there’s a lot of fear of doing anything. Anything that requires me to perform things… I need to take a good look at it.”-

It may be your body remembering the terrible consequences you suffered when you supposedly made a mistakes in performing things (e.x., exams in school measured in grades) that led to those brutal beatings you mentioned.

The way you described your mother, sounds like she has been very angry, keeping it in most of the time (suppressing it, trying to distract herself by watching lots of TV and online shopping), expressing her anger passive- aggressively,

And at other times (when you were younger) exploding, becoming physically aggressive.

It could be that her anger, chronic anger that your body remembers and is afraid of?

🤔 Anita

Good Wed Night (your time), Robi 🙂

I hope you are out and about socializing as I’m typing this, and I understand your need to disconnect from home and all.

I won’t be in a rush to reply then.. I will Thursday or Friday morning (your time).

Anita

Good Thurs morning, Robi:

Yesterday, you started your message with: “Long day here- yesterday, I started removing the old paint off the main gate of my parents’ property and started repainting it. I wanted to do it throughout the summer, but didn’t manage”-

Did your parents, any one of them, show appreciation for your work, or did they criticize you for not having started it earlier?

Did part of you hope for their appreciation, for them telling you something like: ‘Thank you! You’re a good son!’

I mean, a tiny part?

Bogart the beagle loves hearing “You’re a good boy!”

Any parent ever say that to you?

I wonder how often (if at all), they sent you the you’re-a-good-boy vs the “you’re a bad apple” message.

Another thing I was wondering about this morning is that you shared a lot about your parents in your first thread (June 2018), but I don’t think you mentioned having been “brutally beaten” on that thread. I think that you mentioned it first in this thread (2024-26), and you didn’t elaborate on it.

I wonder how often you were beaten, how brutally and how it felt when she cried and apologized afterwards.

I wonder how it feels now when you remember.

I’m asking because the brutal beating part can make a significant difference in understanding what you’ve been struggling with all along.

Please answer only if you’re able.. and willing 🙂

Anita

Hi Robi

Sorting out ones funeral etc is not so strange often it is older people that do it. One woman I know had a wicker coffin for a couple of decades in fact the first one was used for a friend of hers who died before her & then she bought a replacement she was actually over a hundred when she finally passed. Others want some kind of family vault & that takes time to save up & construct.
When I was in my forties I fell in love with a costly stone coffee table & I justified the expense by telling my children it can be used to mark my grave instead of a headstone! If people want something specific it can bring them peace of mind to know that they have already put things in place also that way they are relieving their family of the worry of fulfilling specialized requests & financial burden as
people worry about being put in a paupers grave.

Hielooww Robi 😀

A big laugh emoji above instead of my usual smile because you’re so F.U.N.N.Y.

Okay, so brown hair (I can see how long in the shadow-photo), brown, smaller, Asian- like eyes, Italian-Spanish-Latino darker skin, especially when tanned, muscles.. I’m missing height and weight but not necessary to share!

I can almost hear you speak English in American accent. I wonder how your voice sounds like.

My photo was taken almost 2 years ago during a Halloween event at the Winery, that’s me mid free-style dancing. My skin is darker too and easily tanned, brown eyes with hazel in them.. but enough about me 🙂

I hope you spend as much time in your friend’s flat as you need to in the next few weeks 🤞

I understand you not wanting to talk about the beating topic. Please remember you don’t have to- not now, not ever.

About your parents digging their graves almost literally, that’s where you’re the funniest. The image of your mother or father driving a car with a trailer attached to it, dropping you off at your friend’s flat and proceeding to load a tombstone into the trailer is..

Wait, they didn’t shop online for a tombstone, to be delivered by Amazon 🤔 ?

You asked: “Can this get any weirder?”- I have no doubt that it can.

So, they appreciated your repainting the main gate of their property (you started that work Oct 6) so much that today (Oct 9) they decided to go tombstone shopping .. 🤔

“Little good things and words come with a price.. so, I’m always alert.”- What price are they likely to exact in this case, I wonder..

🤔🤔🤔-me