Hi Anita,

‘if he feels badly about it at times, this is a consequence of his choice’  – Yes i know its out of my control. I wish if he moves out from my life totally.

Yes i shouldnt be giving him the slightest hint that i will be available for him when he wants.

He has been continously calling me for the last 3 weeks. Today was a holiday so so he cant contact me. I dont knw if he would continue this tmrw as well. I will keep u posted. Thank u very much Anita appreciate your kindness as always !

Risha

Hi Anita,

He continues to call me even today and he forwarded a random email about a property stating ‘FYI – If you’re  interested’

I just can’t believe how could he just be so normal and email something like that. He is pretending as if nothing happened between us. I mean I am so hurt for his behavior. After sending that email he still kept on calling me.

I was wondering rather than getting someone else involved…if I should write to him or send a voice note asking him to stop contacting me and that I’m not interested to entertain his drama?

I actually don’t want to pick up the phone and talk to him. I really don’t want to hear his voice and his pathetic stories. I just want to tell what I want to tell so that he gets the hint that no matter what he does I will not pick the phone. At least he will realize that and stop calling me.

Im a bit confused if I’m to do this by myself or not. what are your thoughts?

Dear Brandy,

‘The more you hurt, the more satisfied he becomes’ – I’m very confused by this bcoz on 5th of Oct was the last day that I spoke to him later that day  he dropped me a email asking me to forgive him and to find someone who is suitable for myself and he’s waiting to see my happiness and he’s going out of my life forever –  I didn’t respond instead I blocked him from my phone.

Then after two days he messaged me on fb accusing me for having contacts with his friends (which I never did) and from that day till today he has been calling me this way on my office number.

So I’m confused of what he wants from me. does he want me to be happy or does he want me to suffer. if he wishes me to be happy I can understand coz since he did a mistake he wants me to be happy. but why does he want me not to move on now that he has someone else in his life and he decided to move…why not me?  what’s his problem.

I don’t understand his theory. He’s such a mess.

Risha

Hi Anita & B,

His email says that I never showed that I love him and I wanted him. If didn’t how can I be in a relationship for so long. I actually always told him that I need a solution and to get his parents permission  or tell them that you’re going to marry me and walk out. He refused to do it instead he said he can marry me without telling them. In case if they get to know later on then lets see and I was not happy with that bcoz knowing him he might blame thereafter that he lost his parents because of me and  I know how much he is attached to his family so I didn’t want to separate him from them. I always thought from his side. Eventhough I  wanted him badly still I told him to leave me and move on which he never did so we continued this for 7 years and thereafter I didn’t mind bcoz  I thought he will be there for me always. And i trusted him blindly bcoz he always made me believe that he would never leave me. But time to time I argued saying lets take a break and see how things moves on but he never stayed away from me. So i think i was over confident assuming he would be there with me forever.

So now he’s blaming me saying I’m the one who asked him to move on and when he that now I am blaming him. I am so hurt he knows the reason why I asked him to stay away that doesn’t mean he had to cheat me right? I mean if this was a proposal I would have understood or if we weren’t together and he had found someone still I would have tolerated it but what he did was while staying with me he has been chatting and moving with her and then he introduced her to his parents, checked the horoscopes and when everything was finalized he decided to tell me. That hurts me a lot.

At least he could have told me about her before he introduced her to his parents. after everything is done he says he cant change his decision. then why was i with him for so long? so many fake promises. when i wanted to leave when his mother scolded me he didn’t let me go. As B said when his time came he decided to move out by hurting me and after all the sacrifice i did to him he used as a weapon to move on.

I wasted my time and life even without considering my age and my family. I stayed with him at all his good and bad times.

but he couldn’t consider my last request he couldn’t do any justice for me. He walked out saying he cant change the decision now and told me to marry someone else.

I mean yes i guess he has been controlling my life in this entire relationship. Even after he left he sends me emails asking me to get settled soon and marry someone soon. Also he keeps sending stuff mentioning that he’s gone and its bcoz i pushed him away and that he’s gone now. I mean does he really have to keep reminding me that he’s gone? then again he blames me saying i have contacts with his friends.

I seriously don’t know what to do. this entire relationship has been very painful and even after he’s gone its still painful. I guess now what he wants is for me marry someone so that he can move on peacefully but I’m not a person who can do that coz it will take me a long time to even think of someone else. But in my case i have no time to even waste.

So I’m very frustrated. Sometimes I really feel if it was my mistake to even tell him to leave me and move on. did i give him that space coz he keeps blaming me that its my fault. I still do love him but i cannot do anything about it coz he keeps reminding me that he’s gone and presurising me to marry someone else. So this proves that he doesn’t want me in his life and it hurts a lot.

Risha

Hi Anita yes he told he will marry me without his parents permission n also told me his mother is very sensitive n will hurt herself so I was scared to go ahead so told him that we should stop this or take a break to sort out things between us but he didnt want to do that so i had to block him sevaral times but he somehow reached me forced me and got me back.

This has been continuing for sometime and his father called me and threatened me once and thats when i got reallt hurt n i told him to go and find someone who is suitable but i never meant it anita.  I never thought he would do such thing.

I really dont understand anything wether he really wanted me or not. I mean wether he just used those words saying his mother would harm herself knowing i would not agree or truly if his mother is such person.

What i understood was he didnt give his 100% to convince his parents coz he always wanted to be their obedient child.

But yes i did block him and have told him find simeone suitable as per his parents wish. But my worry is he didnt want to do it earlier so why now. What made him change suddenly and even if he wanted he could have told me instead of keeping me blind.

I dont understand this Anita I feel we have messed up everything.

Yes Anita now i kind of realized that i didnt give priority of my needs instead i was thinking about everyone else. Since his mother let me down about my age. I thought i was not good enough for him. I thought he can find someone better. Then i thought about him losing his parents bcoz of me. So i thought its unfair for him in everyway. So thats why i always wanted him to somehow convince them so that he too can be happy. But i dont know wether he did that or not though he said he tried his best.

I know i had a chance to make him mine but it slipped thru my fingers bcoz i have been thinking about others and not myself. So everything went against me and finally I ended up getting hurt. But he shouldnt have cheated me with another girl..what he did to me was unfair.

But i have to tell u that his changes are very sudden and after he left me his behaviour and lifestyle everything has changed. I see him as a total stranger not the person whom i knew for years.

Even today he called me as always and while i was out waiting for my transport to get home. I saw him entering at our main gate and waiting in our car park looking at me and after 5 min he left passing me.

Hes acting very strange. If he has moved out with another person why bother to come over to see me. When i came home i saw him gone for a movie (he has updated his status). Everything is seems to me like a jigsaw puzzle.

But no matter what i know that he has gone out of my life. I just cant accept the fact that hes gone. It hurts a lot. And he still calling me, coming to see me, then emailing asking to marry someone else these things makes me difficult to move on.

I know enough i thought about others its time i do something to myself. I just hate myself and i hate him too for all what happened.

Risha