Dear Risha:

I don’t think it was a mistake that you met him that last time, asking him to change his mind and marry you. If you didn’t, you might have regretted not having done so. Meeting him that one time didn’t harm you because it wasn’t what caused him to proceed with his plan to marry this other woman. It made no difference in what was to happen next. But at least you know that you asked. You received his No and were shocked by it. Soon enough, that shock will stop shocking you as reality sinks in.

I understand that you are 39 and age is something to consider as we plan our future in regard to career and relationships. But I assure you, it is not too late for you to find love, the love all of us humans need.

anita

Dear Risha:

He told you repeatedly that he can’t live without you and you believed him, that his need for you is a permanent need, that he really will never leave you. You tested him over the years, pushing you away and he kept coming back to you, so you trusted that he will never leave you. The title of your thread is “He left me”, that was/ is the shocker.

Of course breakups happen every day, people leave, hearts break, but your pain is no less for it, it hurts no less than if your breakup was unique, only one of it in the whole wide world.

Are you really planning on traveling or living elsewhere? Where in the world would it be?

anita

Dear Risha:

Your typing errors are excused!

UK, Australia, maybe Canada- how exciting! Think of it, how big the world is, so much bigger than the story of you and him. So many places, so many people, so many new experiences you are yet to experience!

Clear mind is a good thing, crazy (“if I stay in my home country I will end up crazy”) is not a good thing. Clear mind-good, crazy- not good, not in this context.

anita

Dear Risha:

The world is big, but the world each one of us lives in is as big as the distance between our ears. And the most powerful part of that in-between-the-ears world is our experience as children with our parents. And so, your ex boyfriend’s world was established way before he met you. This is why he “left (you) for his Parents”, the title of your thread. This is why perhaps you wrote Parents with a capital P. For a person, his parents are God, capital G, capital P.

There was not, is not a clear separation for him between himself and his parents. He negotiated a compromise of sorts, chose a woman young enough to satisfy them, financially established enough to satisfy himself.

If I was to go back in time and was dating or available to date men, I would first learn about the man’s relationship with his parents, past and present, that will give me the information I need about the nature of his world, the world in-between-his ears, and I would choose based on that, to proceed or to stop.

anita

You are welcome, Risha. Anytime you want, post and I will reply.

anita

Dear Risha:

“left without any clue”- but you do have a clue now, you do understand what happened.

“even you would have nothing to say”-  I doubt it. Seems like I always have something to say, or type, more accurately.

“no matter what I still feel so low and down”- I know what you mean. Since you can’t change how you feel, better accept it. Make the best of your life while feeling “low and down”. One day you will no longer feel low and down, you will no longer feel anything at all because there will no longer be a you. For now, live. Learn and live, endure and hope for a better day.

anita

Dear Risha:

Thank you for asking me to take care of myself, how kind (I am touched!)

I hope you will feel better soon. But don’t try too hard. When feelings are concerned, giving up trying works better than trying much of the time, at least. It works that way.

anita