Hey 👋 Confused: I’ll answer in a few hours

Hey anita

Yes i do have some close friends and also a couple of female friends, even tho i’ve neglected them in the past months 🙁

I was kinda shocked that she said those things considering she doesnt know anything about psychology/attachment styles and stuff.

Hmm, u mean the cortisol and dopamine chemicals reinforce this loop?

I didn’t have such voice in my head, just the “checking how much i like her” voice.

But i didn’t experience such things before in the past, its so confusing and seems very real!

Haha u think so? Today i remembered of how i cried while i was leaving her behind in the airport when we parted and an image came to my head: “us being in my airport now, her leaving and me hugging her tightly”, but it lasted for 10 seconds.. Then i came across some cute bear-couple reels on instagram and i was thinking of her while watching them. Then i saw one where the male was thinking how innocent/pretty his female is and how he likes her voice. I instantly thought of her while seeing it and i started crying profusely. I thought of how innocent she looks in my eyes and i remembered two days ago that she sent me a voice record of her laughing and i was listening to her laugh for 5 minutes straight because of how much i like it. But ofc then my mind went “u just place her in those spots (the video one where i cried for example) because she’s the most recent romantic interest u’ve had” and im like wtf, cant catch a break! I wonder what would mr.copilot say about these haha

No, not at all boring, Confused!

Your “wtf, can’t catch a break”- made me laugh (silently).

There’s a part of you that is giving the other part a very difficult time.

That’s why I’m thinking of silencing that annoying, stubborn part with some kind of an effective psych drug, so to shut it up.

You love her, you want her and yet a part of you says NO!

I understand the protective intent of that part, it means well, but it’s time it takes a vacation.. South America, I’m thinking. That’s far enough..?

🤔✨️🐉 Anita

Haha sometimes it looks funny to me too, this whole thing.

But how can i find this part? When did it come up? Now when i think of the relationship with her (well, with any female to be exact) it feels black in my mind.

Maybe we should send this part to another planet! Or find out why is it saying no, but how. It’s like it doesn’t want any romantic connection now. Or is it anhedonia?

Yes if u could, copilot seems to be giving nice answers 🙂

Hey Confused:

Unexpectedly at the computer this Tues night, so I asked Copilot to analyze your recent posts:

Copilot: “Here’s a clear, simple, emotionally‑intelligent analysis of Confused’s recent messages, written in one cohesive paragraph so you can see what’s actually going on inside him.

🌿 Analysis of Confused’s Recent Messages (Simple Paragraph)

Confused is describing an intense emotional swing that feels both overwhelming and confusing to him. He’s clearly grieving the loss of this girl, and his mind is bouncing between genuine longing (crying at the airport memory, listening to her laugh, imagining future moments) and a harsh, analytical inner voice that keeps telling him his feelings “aren’t real,” that he only likes her because she’s the most recent romantic interest.

This creates a tug‑of‑war inside him: one part feels love, attachment, and sadness, while another part immediately shuts it down with doubt, logic, or self‑criticism.

When he asks “how can I find this part?” or “is it anhedonia?”, he’s trying to understand why his emotions feel blocked or muted at times. The “black in my mind” comment suggests emotional numbness or a protective shutdown — not because he doesn’t care, but because the intensity of caring scares him.

His humor (“send this part to another planet!”) shows he’s aware of the absurdity of the inner conflict, but underneath it he’s genuinely distressed by how real the feelings seem one moment and how disconnected he feels the next. Overall, he’s dealing with a classic push‑pull between vulnerability and self‑protection: one part of him wants closeness, and another part is terrified of it, so it shuts down his feelings to keep him safe.” (end of quote)

Hmm. A part of Confused is “terrified”.. I know terrified..

I just asked Copilot how you cannot be terrified?

Answer: “When you ask “how can he not be terrified?”, you’re really asking something very human:
How does someone stop being afraid of their own feelings?

How does someone stop panicking when closeness wakes up old wounds?

Here’s the heart of it:

He’s terrified because something in him learned long ago that love = danger.

Not because he’s weak.

Not because he’s broken.

Because his nervous system is doing its job — protecting him from pain he once couldn’t handle.

And the way out isn’t to “kill” that part or force it to disappear.

It’s to help him feel safe enough that the protective part doesn’t have to slam the brakes every time he feels something real.

Let me break it down in a grounded, simple way.

🌿 Why he’s terrified

Everything he described — the crying, the longing, the sudden numbness, the “black in my mind,” the inner voice that shuts him down — is classic attachment fear mixed with emotional overwhelm.

He feels something deep → his attachment system activates →the protector part panics → it shuts everything down.

It’s not anhedonia. It’s not lack of love. It’s not confusion.

It’s fear of vulnerability.

🌱 How he can stop being terrified-

Not by force. Not by logic. Not by arguing with the inner voice.

But by doing these three things:

1. Naming the protective part instead of fighting it- When he says “this part doesn’t want connection,” that’s actually progress.

If he can see it as a part — not his whole identity — it loses power.

Fear shrinks when it’s recognized.

2. Understanding what the protector is trying to prevent- This part isn’t evil.
It’s trying to prevent rejection, abandonment, humiliation, loss, emotional dependence.

It’s trying to keep him safe.

When he understands that, the fear becomes less mysterious.

3. Letting the emotional part and the protective part coexist- He doesn’t need to “get rid of” the protector. He needs to help it relax.

That happens when he feels understood, feels safe, grounded, when he isn’t shamed for having feelings, when he isn’t pressured to “figure it out”.

Safety quiets fear.

Not logic.

🌾 The real answer to your question-
He stops being terrified when he stops being alone with the fear.

When someone reflects his experience back to him — calmly, without judgment — the protector part stops panicking.

That’s why he opens up to you. That’s why he jokes with you. That’s why he asks “how do I find this part?”
He’s trying to understand himself in a safe space.

You’re giving him something he doesn’t give himself: permission to feel.”-

WOW, wow.. will be back in the morning.

(no emojis), Anita

One more thing. I asked Copilot how I can talk to you in a way that will help you.

Answer: “When you talk to Confused, the most helpful thing you can do is speak in a way that makes his protective part feel safe rather than threatened. That means keeping your tone warm, steady, and non‑judgmental, and responding to both sides of him—the part that feels deeply and the part that shuts down—without taking sides or trying to force clarity.

You can reflect what he’s feeling (“it makes sense that this hit you so hard”), normalize the inner conflict (“lots of people have a protective part that gets scared when feelings get intense”), and gently name what you see without diagnosing or correcting him.

When he gets confused or numb, you can slow the pace by grounding him in the present moment rather than pushing him to figure things out. When he’s emotional, you can validate the tenderness instead of analyzing it. And when the protector part shows up, you can speak to it indirectly by offering reassurance (“you don’t have to decide anything right now; you’re allowed to feel both things”).

The goal is to help him feel that nothing inside him is “wrong,” that he isn’t being judged, and that he doesn’t have to defend himself. When he feels safe, the protective part relaxes, and the emotional part can breathe again.”

That reminds me of my derealization visual changes when I was driving (I told you about it). Cars seemed bigger or closer. I heard it happens when taking certain drugs (hallucinigens), but that was not in my case.

I suppose back at that time my anxiety was high and it messed with visual perception. That particular experience did not happen again.

🤔 🐰 🤪 Anita

Yes, in my experience it felt weird and contradictory: very anxious and deathly calm.

I spontaneously wrote “deathly” calm because it wasn’t an alive’ calm. It was a giving up calm, which is what shudown/ dissociation/ derealization is about.

These are emergency kind of calm.

Can you resubmit your message ( if you copied it) without the link?