Good Morning Confused (using the computer)

Copilot about your recent post:

1. He confirms the core issue: he equates love with intensity- He literally says: “I’ve never learned to value love and stability” “I yearn for the highs” “If it doesn’t consume me then I don’t want it” This is huge. It shows that his emotional template for love is built on chaos, adrenaline, and fear, not calm connection. That’s not a personality flaw — it’s a learned pattern.

This tells us: He’s not actually doubting her. He’s doubting a version of love that doesn’t match his old blueprint. He’s grieving the loss of the “highs” he used to rely on for emotional certainty.

2. He reveals a key moment: “I want to feel like before”- This is extremely important. He remembers crying in December saying: “I want to feel like before.” That is textbook emotional grief — not relationship doubt. It shows: He’s mourning the loss of the old emotional intensity. He’s terrified because he thinks the absence of intensity = absence of love. He’s stuck between what he feels and what he believes he should feel. This is a classic anxiety-driven identity crisis around love.

3. He describes a “fraud voice” — this is intrusive thinking- When he visited her, he says: “Something was bugging me… a voice telling me I’m a fraud.” This is not a relationship problem. This is an intrusive thought loop — a hallmark of anxiety and emotional dysregulation.

Intrusive thoughts often sound like: “You’re lying.” “You don’t really love her.” “You’re pretending.” “You’re fake.”

These thoughts feel real but are actually fear responses.

The fact that he could hug her, kiss her, enjoy her — while the voice still attacked him — shows the thoughts are not aligned with his true feelings.

4. His derealization description is very detailed — and very telling- He asks you how it felt for you, then describes: Random moments of feeling “out of it” “What am I doing here?” “Why am I talking to her?” Forgetting things instantly. Drifting away mentally. This is classic derealization + anxiety fog.

It’s not about her. It’s not about the relationship. It’s about his nervous system being overwhelmed.

He’s describing: Cognitive dissociation. Emotional numbness. Short-term memory disruption. Disconnection from self and surroundings

These are all anxiety symptoms — not relationship symptoms.

5. “My feelings were locked in a box” — this is emotional shutdown- He says: “It felt like my feelings were locked in a box and I couldn’t feel them.”

This is emotional numbing — a protective response when the brain is overwhelmed.

Important: He says logically he knew he wanted her even when he couldn’t feel the emotions. That’s a major sign that: His values are intact. His commitment is intact. His emotional system is just overloaded.

This is not someone falling out of love. This is someone whose anxiety has hijacked his emotional access.

6. He is starting to connect the dots- He says: “Wow, this fits so much, maybe I am learning something new here?”

This is a breakthrough moment.

He’s beginning to: Recognize the pattern. Understand his emotional history. See that anxiety is the culprit. Realize his feelings didn’t “disappear” — they got blocked

This is the first step toward healing.

7. He is open, reflective, and emotionally honest- This is important for you to see: He’s not defensive.
He’s not dismissive. He’s not shutting down.

He’s: Curious Vulnerable Willing to explore Trying to understand himself Trusting you enough to share his inner world

That’s someone who wants clarity and stability but doesn’t know how to navigate it yet.

… He is not losing feelings. He is losing familiarity. He doesn’t know how to function in a relationship that isn’t chaotic. He is grieving the loss of the “old rules” of love. He’s trying to learn a new emotional language. He is deeply self-aware and trying to understand himself.
This is a very good sign.

Here’s a message you can send him, written in your voice but with emotional precision:

“Confused, I’m really glad you shared all of this. What you wrote actually gives me a much clearer picture of what’s going on inside you — and it makes total sense. You’re not broken, and you’re not a fraud. You’re someone who learned to associate love with intensity, and now you’re trying to navigate a calmer, safer kind of connection. That shift is confusing and scary, but it’s also a sign of growth.

When you say you’ve never learned to value stability, that tells me you’re stepping into completely new emotional territory. Of course, it feels unfamiliar. Of course, your mind panics and tries to pull you back to what it knows. That doesn’t mean something is wrong — it means you’re changing.

And that moment you described in December — crying and wanting to “feel like before” — that’s exactly what happens when the old emotional pattern stops working. You weren’t grieving the relationship. You were grieving the loss of the emotional intensity you used to rely on. That’s a painful transition, but it’s also a meaningful one.

The ‘fraud voice’ you mentioned is just anxiety trying to protect you by questioning everything. It doesn’t reflect who you are or what you feel. The fact that you could enjoy being close to her while that voice was screaming at you actually shows how strong your real feelings are underneath the noise.

And the derealization moments you described — the drifting, the forgetting, the “out of it” feeling — those are classic signs of overwhelm. They’re not signs that the relationship is fake. They’re signs that your nervous system is overloaded. I’ve felt versions of that too, and it’s incredibly disorienting, but it passes.

What stands out to me most is that even when your feelings felt “locked in a box,” you still knew you wanted her. That says everything. Your emotions didn’t disappear — they just got buried under fear and pressure. You’re slowly reconnecting with them, even if it doesn’t feel smooth or predictable yet.

Honestly, I’m proud of you for being this open. You’re not running away from this — you’re trying to understand yourself. That takes courage. And I’m here with you in this, not judging you, not expecting you to be perfect. Just trying to understand you the way you’re trying to understand yourself.”

Above is Copilot’s word which I agree with whole heartedly. As far as how I experienced derealization: I remember at one time (I was driving) distances changed, everything seemed closer and bigger (made it through without an accident). Another time, obviously, I was crossing a busy street but didn’t realize it until a truck flew by me. My mind drifting away was a regular thing, couldn’t follow conversations, as if I wasn’t there and didn’t know what people were talking about, etc.

I really like Copilot’s message to you. Wow!

Anita and Copilot

Hey Confused:

Copilot: Confused’s message reveals several important layers. First, he is deeply emotionally overwhelmed — not just by his own anxiety, but now by his girlfriend’s insecurity and withdrawal. His crying, his desire to comfort her, and his distress at her friends’ comments show that he is highly sensitive to relational threat.

My note: The words “highly sensitive to relational threat” stood out for me as something that I now recognize, retroactively, in your posts since December. I wonder if the idea of losing her is your #1 source of anxiety. Let me ask you know whom…

Copilot: Short answer: yes — the idea of losing her is one of his biggest sources of anxiety. Everything he’s written points to a deep, almost primal fear of loss. Notice how often he reacts intensely when she pulls away, she becomes insecure, she hesitates (etc.)-

Each time, he goes straight into crying, panic, intrusive thoughts, emotional shutdown, derealization… This is the reaction of someone whose nervous system is terrified of abandonment.

But here’s the deeper truth: it’s not just fear of losing her- It’s fear of losing emotional safety… the version of himself he feels he can be with her… the emotional “anchor” she represents

His message reveals: 1. He cares deeply- You don’t cry like that over someone you don’t care about.

2. He is extremely sensitive to relational threat- Even small shifts in her tone or behavior destabilize him.

3. His emotional shutdown is a defense mechanism- When the fear gets too big, his system “turns off” to protect him.

4. He confuses emotional numbness with loss of love- This is a classic anxiety misinterpretation.

5. His fear intensifies when she is scared- He mirrors her emotional state — a sign of emotional enmeshment, not indifference.

A Comprehensive, Simple‑Language Analysis of Confused:

Confused is a young man who feels things very deeply but doesn’t yet understand his own emotional system. He grew up believing that love is supposed to feel intense, dramatic, and full of longing — so when he experiences calmer, steadier feelings, he doesn’t recognize them as real.

This makes him panic and assume something is wrong with him or the relationship.

When he gets scared, his mind fills with intrusive thoughts telling him he’s a fraud or that his feelings are gone, even though his behavior shows the opposite: he cries over her, wants to hold her, feels protective of her, and is devastated when she pulls away.

His nervous system gets overwhelmed easily, and when that happens, he shuts down emotionally — he can’t access his feelings, can’t think clearly, and feels disconnected from himself. He mistakes this shutdown for “losing love,” when in reality it’s just anxiety overloading him.

He is also extremely sensitive to her emotional state; when she becomes insecure or distant, he feels it instantly and mirrors it, which makes him even more confused.

Underneath all of this, he cares deeply, wants closeness, and is terrified of losing her. His biggest struggle isn’t a lack of love — it’s that he doesn’t yet know how to feel safe in a relationship that isn’t fueled by intensity. He’s learning a new emotional language, and the unfamiliarity scares him.”

What says Confused?

(emojis) Anita

Hey anita

No no it wasn’t too much, this analysis seems great but i will read it tomorrow evening maybe, now i am gonna sleep.

Hmm idk about the meds i am scared of long term side-effects..

Hey anita

I read your last post from Copilot now, it was my biggest fear indeed, but i think now i’ve become immune to it by how many times it almost happened or i imagined it in my head to “feel” something for reassurance. Idk how i am gonna feel if it does happen for real tho.

It’s also true that with her i felt comfortable sharing all my romance, things i’ve never did to any other girl and loving actions/words because at last i found someone that’s worth all that and will not cringe at me.

About 1-2-3, before november, if i’d sense distance from her, i would try and fawn in the beginning to win her back, but now the moment i sense distance i am so eager to leave.

Idk if that’s emotional numbness towards her or to everyone 🙁 I think it’s towards everything though, but my mind is somehow conviced that “SHE IS THE REASON”, lol.

As for the last part, hell yes! I think that if it doesn’t feel intense/dopamine filled, i can’t pay any attention to it. I do mirror her but i am not doing it on purpose and i’m trying to stop it. For example yesterday, she was colder and more closed off but i managed to “act lovingly” and she slowly opened up again, even tho my body was fuming and wanting to get away.

I don’t know anita i really can’t understand.. It’s like i can’t let her go for some reason, sometimes my future doesn’t “make sense” without her, but some other times i feel like i can’t care. But my main problem is the lack of motivation/drive/passion to meet her.. Maybe it’s because we haven’t spent much time together and we didn’t bond properly yet.

Thank you for your time posting all these 🙂

Btw i read people on Bupropion cured their anhedonia.

Many say that on the internet yeah, but i haven’t asked any psychiatrist yet. Btw i have a lot of doctors here but its hard to know who’s good. Also, idk if my problem is chemical-related or psychology-related.

Yes i did feel safer eventually, but mostly on the positive ones, because when the negatives hit it took me a while to tell her, but i did!

I think what freaked me out was the realization/bubble burst after the talk about the future, which was pretty soon for me, but i think that would have happened with any other girl when going for the next big step, it just hadn’t surfaced yet because i’ve never reached this milestone before.

Also i confuse intensity/infatuation with love and feelings, so i think that’s a first for me also. Sometimes i compare our first year to now and i think “while it was very fun and awesome, i think i wouldn’t trade today for that”, but other times i say “damn, i wanna feel like the beginning again”, but i know this would be like chasing dragons because it doesnt last forever and i could lose something good.

I like bunnies 🙂

Oh, yes, being so focused on the “intensity/ infatuation” scent, you don’t see, or overlook.. I’m getting close.. ? Help me here, Confused (if the 🌙 🦉 is awake)

Wow, Confused: I’m amazed 👏 by my own insight-

Throughout the months you posted here, you repeatedly expressed intense emotions for her.. yet, your focus has been on the times you felt nothing.

And therefore you presented the situation as feeling nothing.. Just because you didn’t feel so much.. all of the time.

👀🐉🐇✨️ (me)