Hmm to be honest you are right on this, but my question still remains, why am i like that? People normally miss/long for the other person.
Maybe that’s me after honeymoon phase and i am just discovering it?

But why did it end so violently and suddenly (november/repulsion & avoidance) 🙁

Also like i said, people usually miss others, maybe im not normal or i can’t “miss” her because she’s in my mind 24/7?

Another thing, shouldn’t i feel terrified in the thought of losing her?

Where are my emojis 🤔🌙🦉, here they are 👍

I would like to explore why I spontaneously clicked on an angry face 🤬 emoji right above:

Because I don’t like the idea of being THAT emotionally dependent on another person.

It triggered how I hated feeling terrified 😨 of losing my mother.

My life was put on hold for over half a century because of this fear.

No one deserves to have such power over another (adult) person.

🤢 Anita

B Back in a few hours

Hey Confused (using the computer, so no emojis showing up)

Here is what Copilot has to say about your last two messages:

Confused is struggling with anxiety, emotional dependence, and distorted expectations about what love is “supposed” to feel like. He believes that if he doesn’t constantly miss his girlfriend, panic at the thought of losing her, or feel intense longing, then something must be wrong with the relationship — a belief he picked up from social media and friends. Because of this, he interprets normal emotional fluctuations as signs of doom.

He also admits he has relied on relationships to complete him, which makes him confused when he doesn’t feel constant intensity. His mind then jumps to catastrophic predictions (“we’ll be awkward,” “we’ll be bored,” “it will be bad”), which is classic anxiety — not truth.

The feeling that the relationship is “fake” or “not real” is also a common symptom of anxiety and emotional overwhelm, not a sign that the relationship is actually wrong. He cries because he’s scared, confused, and overwhelmed — not because he doesn’t care. His emotions are tangled, and he’s interpreting normal variations in closeness as signs of failure.

Answers to his questions:

1) “If I don’t miss her or panic about losing her, what remains?”-

What remains is the real relationship — the calm, steady part that isn’t fueled by fear. Love doesn’t have to feel like panic to be real. Panic is anxiety, not love.

2) “Why do I cry?”-

You cry because you’re overwhelmed and scared that your feelings don’t match what you think they “should” be. You’re grieving the loss of certainty, not the loss of love.

* What “grieving the loss of certainty” really means: When someone has always believed that love must feel a certain way — intense, dramatic, full of longing, fear, and emotional highs — that belief becomes a kind of emotional anchor. It gives them a sense of certainty: “If I panic when I think of losing her, that means I love her.” “If I miss her constantly, the relationship is real.” “If I feel intense emotions, everything is okay.”

These beliefs feel safe because they’re familiar. They create a predictable emotional world.

But when Confused suddenly doesn’t feel those intense emotions, he loses that sense of certainty. His old “rules” for what love should feel like no longer work. And that loss — the loss of the old emotional map — is painful. It’s like the ground under his feet shifted.

When certainty disappears, the mind reacts with fear, confusion, sadness, a sense of “something is wrong”, a feeling of being unanchored. This is why he cries.

He’s grieving the loss of the old emotional pattern — the one that told him: “Love = intensity, panic, longing.” Now that he’s not feeling those things, he feels lost.

In one sentence: He’s grieving the loss of the emotional certainty he used to rely on — the belief that love must feel intense and dramatic — and without that old framework, he feels scared and ungrounded.

3) “Why do I feel bad when she says she’ll visit?”-

Because anxiety jumps ahead and predicts disaster. Your mind is trying to protect you by imagining the worst, even though those predictions aren’t based on reality.

4) “Why does the relationship feel fake or imaginary sometimes?”-

This is a very common anxiety symptom called derealization — when fear and pressure make things feel unreal. It doesn’t mean the relationship is fake. It means you’re overwhelmed.

The goal of life is to not be afraid. Fear will come and take over if you let it. But, if we are present and open then love comes and fills us. Yes, emotions comes and goes. We can’t be loving all the time. Just like we are not hungry all the time or happy or sad all the time. Love can be like drinking a bottle of fine wine. It makes one feel good for a while but, there has to be a time to come down from the high. I do not like to hear one is afraid to meet a loved one. It sounds like one is full of fear instead of love. Focus on what makes her happy. Be light and happy and she will take the cue from you. Tell dumb joke. Some call them dad jokes. Ok, my advice is no so good. But, I hope the time you spend with her will be a bright spot in life.